


what's wrong with byun baekhyun?

by sunnysidechen (defsweetheart), sunnysidechen



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Lowercase, M/M, Other Side Pairings, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, anyway baekchen rise, fansite!chen, idol!Baekhyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-07 11:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 74,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20975339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defsweetheart/pseuds/sunnysidechen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnysidechen/pseuds/sunnysidechen
Summary: jongdae is content being in his own little fansite bubble, lovingbyun. so what happens when the subject of it all, byun baekhyun, comes by and pops it?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimers:  
\- the fansites are purely fictional, as is the entire story!  
\- whatever i write about fansites is obviously not accurate as i'm not a fansite, nor am i friends with one. all writings are based on assumptions of what i think they do as i infer them from their tweets/ preorders etc.  
\- to state again, the story is entirely fictional, and does not accurately display any idols' personalities/actions etc.  
\- my fic is very lightly beta-ed, so if i made any mistake, please do let me know!  
\- title is inspired by wwwsk, but the plot is definitely not the same aside from the presence of a fansite! but honestly, i think the title is what is constantly on the other members’ minds so 😂🤷🏻♀️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! this is my first exo fic hehehe i hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> #edits (20/10/19):
> 
> \- i overlooked kai & jongin being two different people, hence, kai is kai from super m, friends with baekhyun and in NO way, affiliated with chen & chanyeol. (thank you cc anon!)  
\- chanchen's circle of friends are: minseok, junmyeon and luhan (!). yixing is NOT part of their circle anymore (for future reasons)  
\- baekhyun's circle: kyungsoo, kai, yixing, sehun
> 
> thank you & my apologies!

“-dae, kim jongdae, wake up,” jongdae groaned as he hears the hushed whispers, who he knew immediately was his best friend and fellow colleague, chanyeol. another paper ball was thrown at him and jongdae would usually challenge him in one way or another, but today, he was too fucking tired.

"why?" chanyeol asks, as his friend complains of his exhaustion.

"i just flew in this morning, fuck, my flight got delayed and i came straight here after i dropped my bags off at home."

the blonde-head sighs, of course it had something to do with his side job.

"you wanted to have this life, man."

"i know that, yeol, but it's so fucking worth it," jongdae groans one last time before pulling his head off the table, "anyway, who's our new client again?"

"i don't know, minseok was pretty mum about it, but apparently, we were personally requested."

"and it's for a photobook, right? in japan?" chanyeol nods. "did he say why we were personally requested?" his friend shakes his head this time, “i mean, we are damn bloody good at what we do, right?” 

jongdae agrees.

they both met in their high school’s photography club, and although there’s at least 30 of them, since joining extracurricular activities were mandatory, only a handful were actually interested in photography. the rest just… did whatever they wanted, the teacher in-charge didn’t care anyway. between the both of them, jongdae was the one that was a little more interested in taking pictures, while chanyeol was just the kid that was strumming the guitar he took from the music room (don’t worry, he’s the music teacher’s pet). 

‘why didn’t you just join the music club then?’ jongdae had asked when he struck up a conversation with the other as he was intrigued by the boy with the guitar. ‘don’t wanna,’ chanyeol would shrug, as he barely looks at the other. jongdae was quite persistent, always sitting beside chanyeol during the club meetings and using his little camera to take photos around him; particularly of chanyeol, and the latter, although initially finding the other mildly annoying, soon grew to enjoy jongdae’s presence, and the rest is history. 

they both then went into the same university, jongdae in photography and chanyeol in music, the latter ultimately switching majors as he decided he didn’t want to do music for a living (truthfully, he hated the theory part, or whatever). someway, somehow, chanyeol had suddenly got really into photography, and was even more avid about it than his best friend by the time they graduated. they both decided to set-up their own company, **exoplanet photography**, heavily supported and invested by chanyeol’s family, and lo and behold, five years later, they were one of the more popular photography companies in seoul. 

there were rumours that they’re secretly boyfriends, and in spite of the very personal skinship they have with each other, they have never even kissed. jongdae’s gay, while chanyeol’s bi, but no, not even a peck. they truly treated each other like brothers, and as long as the people who matters to them knows, they didn’t really care about what other people say about them. their circle of friends also include luhan and junmyeon, as well as their manager, minseok.

“are you ever going to quit your other gig?” chanyeol asks, spinning his pen around while leaning back on his chair.

“for the million-th time, no!” jongdae groans, he was really very exhausted after the 13 hour flight from los angeles. the only reason why he didn’t just take the day off was because they had a small job to finish today, and they came as a package.

“just take the day-off jongdae,” minseok announces as he enters the room, “i’m sure yeol and i can survive by ourselves today.” jongdae only shakes his head, “i can survive 4 hours, don’t worry. just let me get some shut-eye.”

“you’ve edited your previews?” minseok asks, and jongdae nodded. “and uploaded them?” the latter nods again.

“of course, the ever so-efficient lovingbyun-nim has done all that! you’re offending the master, kim minseok!” their manager only shakes his head as he chuckles, going back to his desk to continue on his administrative tasks.

“so, how was la?”

“yeol, let him sleep for a while. you can bombard him with questions later.” god bless minseok, jongdae thinks.

so, _ later _came (sooner than he liked).

“it was alright, of course there was a shit ton of schedules jam-packed in like, the 2 days i was there but i managed to get really good shots, and that’s all that matters.”

“isn’t super m going on tour or something?”

“yeah, next month… but it’s our busiest month too, so i’m not going to abandon you on your own. besides,” jongdae clicks his camera into place while waiting for their client to arrive, “it’s seasons’ greetings season, gotta make sure everything is on schedule so i can mail them all out on time.”

“let’s see if you can break your record of 6739 orders from last year.” jongdae shrugs, sure, _ lovingbyun _has 200 thousand followers, but honestly, who could blame them? byun baekhyun is a fucking legend, enough said.

“hopefully, my pictures are fucking great this time man, i’m really excited.”

“the theme’s angel and devil, right?" jongdae nods. chanyeol knows everything about what he does with _ lovingbyun _from the very first day jongdae chanced upon this new group super m at their busking event in the streets of garosu-gil.

* * *

at 15, jongdae was fucking bored. he was never the person always on their phone, instead, he occasionally goes to those gaming centres and plays for hours on end. if he's not gaming, he's at the park, using the camera his mom had gotten him for his birthday that year to take pictures. granted, they weren't the best quality, but jongdae quite enjoyed being outside and appreciating nature.

then, chanyeol came along, dragging him from one shopping street to another, and he knows that chanyeol was filthy rich, but he always thought, _ 'god, does he really need more fucking hats?' _

he does apparently. but whatever.

one thursday after school, his best friend drags him to garosu-gil. it was the 3rd time they've been there that _ month, _but his friend had been contemplating on this particular bag for the longest time. he finally decides to get it, jongdae could only just hope.

as always, he stands outside the store while his friend goes crazy inside by himself. jongdae takes out his camera and begins snapping a few picturesque shots of the streets at sundown, and he remembers how nice seoul sunsets always are. 

then, screaming came. lots and lots of screaming. he looks towards the direction of the commotion, only to find 7 men, looking about his age or younger, dancing and singer to a big speaker at the side. he sees a lot of girls screaming, carrying fan boards, large cameras and a few _ almost _ crying. there were a lot more onlookers as well, but many had just walked past. just as jongdae was about to do the same, his eyes fell upon a pink-haired man because _ fuck _ , was he handsome as fuck. 'fuck, fuck, fuck' was all jongdae could think of in his little pubescent brain, and the second pink-haired guy started singing, jongdae falls down the metaphorical hole of _ byun baekhyun. _

so he discovers, the group that he just saw performing - **super m** , he finds out through the fanchant - had just debuted only 2 weeks prior, with _ 'jopping' _ . the title was stupid, jongdae thinks, up until the 1:50 mark in the music video when _ baekhyun _ appears in all his glory and starts singing. _ and then the high and really long note at the end? _

jongdae was never into korean pop but this certain pink-haired individual had changed his mind. his mind was very, very confused by this sudden deep attraction that he feels, as he scrolls through their website and decides to go to their next busking event.

he asks his mom whether he could buy a really, really nice camera and she asked what was wrong with the one she had given him.

"nothing's wrong with it, mom. just wanted a bigger one that takes really nice pictures." his mom says that if he could come up with his own money for half the price of the camera, his parents would pay for the other half.

he tells chanyeol about it, and after his friend laughed for a straight 5 minutes over how jongdae had wanted a dslr to take pictures of a _ dude _, he offers him some money. the older rejected it of course, he was determined to work his ass off to come up with his own money. how hard can it be anyway?

_ really, really hard _ . it took him almost a year to save up for a really good camera, and when he finally has it in his hands, the next obstacle came: _ to get into fansigns _ . in one year, super m became really, _ really _popular; the kind of popular that it takes buying hundreds of albums to get into one god damn fansign. his determination and motivation deflated a little, he still gets to go to the free events and concerts, but the more popular they got, the more money jongdae had to fork out just to see baekhyun. he still opens up his own fansite anyway, and chanyeol was there beside him, wanting to become his first follower.

jongdae was never embarrassed going to all the free events dressing as comfortable as he could, well, with a mask on of course - he didn’t want anyone he might know to see him there. literally a thorn amongst all the roses, he _ thinks _ that baekhyun knows he takes photos of him. jongdae was always the first at events he could attend, and he thinks _ , again, _that baekhyun knows of his existence. his idol occasionally smiles at his camera, throwing finger hearts, but for him to just look into jongdae's camera, the owner had to learn not to drop to his knees everytime he does that.

the 2nd year after jongdae discovers the heaven that is byun baekhyun, chanyeol dumps 2 boxes (he was always strong) on his table, saying he was sick to see his best friend so down everytime super m had a comeback and he couldn't afford it. turns out, his friend bought him a bunch of albums to get into one fansign that jondgae had been moping over, heavily relying on his 5 albums to get him into it. and jongdae could only hug chanyeol very, very tightly when one out of his 124 albums got him into the fansign.

he doesn’t know how to act, what does he do, what should he bring? chanyeol gets his driver to drive him to the hotel where it’s being held at, and jongdae walks in, backpack on his bag, equipped with his camera and album, a marker just incase, and settles down quickly once he was let in. he looks around, he was literally the only guy in the hall, which made him a little uncomfortable, considering he knows everyone else has been to a fansign once before. it was his first time, he didn’t know what he had to do, is supposed to do, he’s lost, and at the point of time, feeling lonely for the first time in his life.

“hi.” jongdae looks to his left, a young lady with blonde hair and her hand out. “i’m nayeon.” he takes the hand, “jongdae.”

“so... you’re here for?”

“baekhyun,” jongdae looks at her bag, decorated with a lot of kai, another member of super m, enamel pins, “kai?” 

she nods, “i’ve never seen you before.”

“yeah, first time,” jongdae smiles nervously,_ was it really that obvious? _

“yeah, i’ve been to one of these so many times, and i like to observe, remember faces. i definitely won’t miss out on a male fan, which is really, really rare, only seen one once before.”

“oh, yeah, my friend bought me a lot of albums as a surprise, since i couldn’t afford it before.”

“you didn’t do group orders?” nayeon asks, and jongdae only furrows his brows, “what’s that?”

“how long have you been a fansite for? wait, you’re one, right?” jongdae nods, “my user is _ lovingbyun _. i only really go to free events, and concerts sometimes.”

“oh my god, i know your fansite! your photos are really good. you don’t go to airports?”

he shakes his head, “i’m only a casual fansite, really new too. i don’t have connections or anything, and am still getting used to this whole fansite thing. the only thing i knew is that i love taking pictures, particularly of baekhyun,” he paused, “what’s your fansite?”

“i’m justjongin. listen, i can help you with all of this fansite thing if you want, like group orders, which means people can buy from you, and you can use them to get into fansigns. produce your photos to sell, or make merchandise, everything. we can work together!” jongdae was taken aback by nayeon’s enthusiasm, but really, he wanted all the help he can get.

so he nods, and the rest is history.

* * *

“yeah, that’s what the three of us decided on.” the three of us meaning the three musketeers, as bambam calls themselves. bambam is a fansite for ten, _ tenoutoften _, and they met at another fansign a month after nayeon and jongdae met, and the three of them have been really close since. they did everything fansite-related together, even flying to wherever their idols were, producing slogans, dvds and photobooks together. 

“did baekhyun see you?”

“of course he did. think he was a little shocked i came.” jongdae would never think in a million years, would baekhyun ever acknowledge him, but thanks to nayeon really, is the reason why baekhyun and jongdae acted like long lost friends every time they met.

-

“hi…” jongdae greets nervously as he shifted from mark to baekhyun at the fansign.

“hi! what’s your name?” baekhyun greets with a much livelier tone, taking the album from jongdae and opening to his page. nayeon had panicked when she saw how ‘clean’ his album was. 

“you need to put tags on each page so they know which page to open!” taking out her own tags and markers, helping jongdae tag each member’s page, “so it’s more efficient for them to sign!”

“a-ah, jongdae. kim jongdae.” baekhyun quickly signs his piece before looking at the other, “you have a very nice name.”

“ah thank you,” was all the fan said, before baekhyun uncaps his marker again and write down a little more. “you have a very nice voice.”

“thank you. i’ll see you around.” and the best thing that could ever happen ever, to any fan, happened to jongdae. at his very first fansign.

_ what happened you ask? _

well, byun baekhyun had only winked at jongdae.

and jongdae has to try his very best not to collapse there and then.

he managed to get into chanyeol’s car before he did though, when he sees what baekhyun had written in his album: i hope i see you again, jongdae-ah! ^^

since then, the interactions with baekhyun just continuously increased. everytime it was jongdae's turn with him, baekhyun would just act like an old friend, and despite the fast beating of his heart, jongdae manages to keep the conversation going, before he promises to see him next time.

“ah, jongdae-yah. you’re here again!” “hello jongdae-ah.” “i got your gifts, jongdae-ah, thank you~” “congratulations! you did really well.” was what baekhyun had said when jongdae tells him he had just graduated from college. really, jongdae felt like they were friends.

even at events, concerts, and now at airports, baekhyun would always do a little something for jongdae. a wink, a wave, and jongdae’s favourite: a smile. because of all these interactions, _ lovingbyun _ really raked up a whole lot more followers by every comeback. once in a while, baekhyun would even like his pictures on instagram, yes, jongdae does sns, but only for baekhyun, _ only him. _

10 years on, super m is only more popular than ever, with successful debuts in japan and america. baekhyun gained even more fame when he debuted his solo album,_ city lights _, and un village topped music charts almost immediately as it came out. his future solo releases just became more and more popular. even though there are increasingly more fansites, baekhyun still remembers jongdae, and jongdae couldn’t stop falling in love with him more and more each time. 

* * *

the day ends soon after, with minseok reminding them to be up early tomorrow morning for their flight. chanyeol did manage to convince them to eat dinner at this new italian fusion that he badly wanted to try, and the older two had the softest spot for the youngest anyway, but not before chanyeol promises to be back home by 10.

"i tell you! one day, baekhyun is going to propose to jongdae." seriously, who serves _ soju _at an italian restaurant, more importantly, who serves soju to park chanyeol, the biggest lightweight jongdae has ever known? before minseok could shut him up, there was a large commotion coming down from upstairs. jongdae just continues eating, having learnt to ignore his friend's antics when he gets drunk. 

a loud gasp came from said friend, "OH MY GOD. IT'S BAEKHYUN!" again, jongdae just ignores his embarrassing friend, before he hears a: "ah, hello jongdae-ah."

he chokes of course, knowing the voice all too well even before looking at his owner. he chokes even more when _ he _goes to pat jongdae on his back.

"you're baekhyun! and you know his name!" chanyeol continues. and jongdae wishes he can dig a hole, not for himself, but for his friend. he finally turns around, covering his mouth with a piece of tissue paper, to see not only baekhyun, but the entire fucking group behind him. he tries to stand up, baekhyun backing up a little, before he bows and greets them all.

"i do know his name, i won't ever forget the name of my most loyal and longest fan." chanyeol gasps again, and jongdae really, really wishes they hadn’t agreed to the dinner.

"ah, i forgot to mention: my most handsome fan too." chanyeol squeals at that, and jongdae now wants to bury a hole, a black hole, for himself. even though he's used to talking to baekhyun casually, it was usually only at fansigns, his own _ lovingbyun _bubble, not somewhere outside of official schedules, on their own personal time. he makes sure he stays out of baekhyun's personal boundaries, he never wants to become, even borderline, sasaeng and he - wait.

he looks up at baekhyun, "ah hyung, i didn't stalk you or anything! i came here just to have dinner, i didn't know you'd be here! i don't even have my camera with me right now," he flusters.

"then what's that?" _ kai _looks over baekhyun's shoulders and points at the very large camera bag and tripod beside jongdae’s seat. fuck.

"that's my work camera!" jongdae shouts out of panic, "sorry i… i am a photographer."

"oh you are?" baekhyun smiles, and since jongdae was too busy having a mental breakdown (really, 10 years did not help with his nerves around baekhyun), he misses out on the knowing glint in his idol's eyes. instead, he nods vigorously, "my friend wanted to come here for dinner… i am sorry i really didn't kno-"

"it's fine, jongdae-ah, i believe you," baekhyun smiles. his manager signals that they needed to leave, much to the other members' disappointment, since they were very much enjoying the little show, and baekhyun puts one finger up, "just a minute." he goes to the cashier and passes him a card. jongdae hears a ‘we already paid though?’ and soon enough, he sees his idol walking towards the door, "see you soon, jongdae-yah." he shoots him a wink and jongdae wants to cry to oblivion. 

"the bill has already been paid for," the cashier tells them.

"by who?" jongdae asks, confused.

"let me guess," minseok pipes up, "the man with the mullet?" the cashier nods, and jongdae wants to cry. again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um, so i've been a fan of the boys since late 2017/early 2018? and i finally got to see them this year! eventhough i was at the very back, the impact from their stages just converted me to a full-time exo-l and i've started reading their fics and really got into baekchen hehehe
> 
> i have not read the full tag yet but if this is similar in anyway to any ships that i read (baekchen, baeksoo, chandae/chanchen), i apologise! i've always wanted to write a fansite-idol fic even when i started writing for got7 last year but never got to it, so i decided to do it for baekchen.
> 
> i'm now a full-fledged got7 and exo fan, which means i'm going to be 10x more broke than i already am since they're both (reportedly) coming back in nov :))))  
my bias is jongdae, baekhyun is very close too. anyway, i wanna make more exo-l friends so do follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sunnysidechen) if you want and we can talk there! <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone, i was supposed to upload this yesterday but i was on the way back from vacation and i just got exhausted lol i'm uploading it in class rn !!!!! (aka i shld be writing notes but yolo am i right)
> 
> i read thru this and fixed the errors that i've seen, but i just KNOW there's still some mistakes, do let me know!!!!

of course the next day, chanyeol was _hungover_ as fuck, and very much regretting last night's drinking session.

"there was no drinking session, yeol. only _ you _drank, and made a fool out of yourself," minseok lectures, flicking the other's head.

"and _ me _! i still cannot fucking believe," jongdae whines, "why do you hate me so much, chanyeol, what did i ever do to you? why~~" he shakes the other by his arms.

"i'm sorry! i really don't remember seeing him," chanyeol groans, not appreciating the reaction he's getting from his friends. 

"let's just get to the plane guys," minseok leads them through the gates, as chanyeol tries to stay alert.

a little while later, jongdae gets a message from bambam.

**bambam: ** _ hyung, i heard that baekhyun is at gimpo, you're there now, right? O.o _

**jongdae: ** _ yeah, but i am already flying off soon. didn't bring my camera anyway :/ is he there alone? _

**bambam: ** _with his manager. do you know why he's there?_

**jongdae: ** _no :( must be a personal schedule. if he's finally getting rest!_ㅜㅜ♡

**bambam: ** _ ㅋㅋㅋ have a safe flight, hyung ♡ _

**jongdae: ** _ thanks bambam-ah ^^ _

"so. when we reach, we're meeting the mysterious client, right?" chanyeol asks, rubbing his head.

minseok shakes his head, “tomorrow. we have our own free and easy today, tomorrow, we have a bit of a discussion, get to know the client more, see what they want, and we will start the day after.”

“what’s the photobook for?”

“their fans. like a token of appreciation or something.” jongdae nods, whoever this person is, they must be nice. or just money-minded, but whatever, he isn’t here to judge.

he takes his phone out, _ where could baekhyun be flying off to? _ sure enough, his other fansites had already updated previews of him, and it really only looks like he’s alone and not with the other members. huh, when idols go to gimpo, they usually fly off to japan. 

‘_what if we’re both on the same flight?_’ jongdae thinks. he chuckles to himself after, _what a ridiculous thought!_

they board their flight, and off they leave to osaka, where they spent their day just _eating, eating and oh, eating_.

* * *

“why are you tapping your feet so much, dae?” chanyeol asks the next day, knowing he only taps his feet when he’s nervous.

“i don’t know… i’m feeling something is up…”

“we already accepted the job.”

“and why did we? i mean, we usually meet the client first then we decide together whether to take them on.”

“minseok hyung told us to trust him. besides,” chanyeol leans back in his chair, “we met the clients, just not the _ client _client.”

“you’re making no sense.” jongdae shakes his head, “where’s hyung anyway?” just as he says it, there was a knock on the door, signalling the presence of their clients, _ finally _ . they both stood up in anticipation; the first one entering the room was minseok, then manager kyungsoo and - _ wait _ , what’s kyungsoo, _ baekhyun’s _manager doing here?

“mr kim jongdae, we meet again.”

_ ‘fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, _’ was all jongdae’s mind supplied him at that moment, eyes not being able to focus at all. he snaps out of his shock when chanyeol nudged him, looking at the hand infront of him and then at it’s owner: baekhyun. baekhyun wanted to shake hands with him. baekhyun is his mystery client.

he puts his hand forward, and only realises he’s shaking when he lets go after baekhyun shakes it firmly but gently.

“let’s all sit down, shall we?” baekhyun instructs, as everyone followed suit except for jongdae, who was lagging a little behind, but eventually, sits down, still in shock.

“so, this was the little surprise?” chanyeol asks. baekhyun nods, looking straight at jongdae, who was looking at everywhere else but him, “i’m sure surprise is an understatement for the intended.”

“what’s going on?” jongdae finally manages to breathe out, slouching against his chair.

“baekhyun found out you ran your own photography company, with mr park and mr kim, of course, through his amazing stalking skills. practically demanded to hire you for this photobook and here we are,” kyungsoo says in his monotonous tone, causing baekhyun to whine at him, “_ i _was supposed to spill the tea!”

“you’ll take forever, and we need to get to work,” was all kyungsoo said before they _ really _got into work.

baekhyun had wanted a very natural, casual, down-to-earth aesthetic for his photobook, and when chanyeol asks what he wanted to portray, the idol simply replied, ‘to show my fans the real me.’

soon after, they break for lunch and somehow, chanyeol manipulated to make it so that jongdae was eating with baekhyun, _ alone _, and his best friend just wanted to puke there and then.

“hi.” baekhyun smiles, as he scoots closer over to jongdae with the packed lunch that was delivered to them.

“hi…”

“don’t be nervous, jongdae-ah, we’ve met so many times before.”

“that’s different,” jongdae whispers, looking down at his food.

“why is it different?” shucks, jongdae was hoping the other didn’t hear what he had said.

“because... those were during official schedules. this feels…”

“personal?” baekhyun supplies, and jongdae finds himself nodding.

“you have no idea how long i’ve waited for us to meet like this,” baekhyun says a little more quietly, not wanting anyone to overhear the conversation.

“w-what do you mean?” jongdae breathes out, he almost feels like he’s suffocating in the presence of byun baekhyun, which is nothing new, but this feels like it’s on a whole new level.

“remember at the gangnam fansign for 'no manners', and i asked you what you were doing now since you already graduated?” baekhyun places his hand on jongdae’s knee, “you told me you were opening up your own company with your best friend, chanyeol. i looked up your name on the winner’s list, googled your name and chanyeol’s and lo and behold, you didn’t even have to tell me what kind of company you opened up. you took pictures for a living, and for fun, of me, which i found ironic, but of course you would,” baekhyun smirks, leaning in closer, and jongdae feels like he’s drowning even deeper, “you cannot tell anyone else this, but… _ lovingbyun _is my favourite fansite, because not only do i love the pictures they’ve taken on me, which are amazing, but i also love the person behind their camera, the entire fansite.”

"w-what?" _ like what the actual fuck is going on, fuck? _ jongdae couldn't think at all when his idol is _ this _close.

"ah," baekhyun leans back, taking away the hand on the knee, "got you." he smirks, “of course you’d still be starstruck off-camera, literally.”

“what?”

“listen, jongdae, i personally requested for _ exoplanet photography _ because i wanted you to take my pictures. not some elite or popular photographer that’d be dying to take my pictures, i wanted kim jongdae.”

“w-why…?”

“i follow you, well, _lovingbyun_ at least. the only account i follow is your fansite on my private sns, i know when you’ll be coming for fansigns, i buy albums from your group orders, although obviously i do not need to, to get the little gifts that come with them. oh! i buy all your slogans and seasons’ greetings too. it is creepy having these things of myself, but they remind me of you.”

jongdae still stays mum, this was definitely all too overwhelming, weird… nothing jongdae has ever imagined could happen, happened. something was wrong with him for sure, why did he feel like this around his clients? it’s not his first shindig.

“cannot wait for us to work together, mr kim,” baekhyun concludes and smirks one last time, “oh and your 2020 seasons’ greetings.” he winks as he walks out of the room. jongdae breathes out, finally, that was intense, and certainly made him as confused as ever.

* * *

the first day of the shoot had started off badly already. it was supposed to be an outdoor shoot, but the rain started even before the sun rose, so they switched the venues for the next day and it was chaotic for a little while to adapt to the changes, but being the professionals they all were, they were only slightly behind on schedule. 

baekhyun comes in and greeted everyone, “hi everyone, i’m byun baekhyun, please call me baekhyun. i hope we will all take care of each other well for the next few days.” he bows once for good measure, and he gets into position. jongdae takes a deep breath, taking pictures of baekhyun was definitely nothing new, but taking pictures of baekhyun _ professionally _ is new. it’s much more serious and solemn, and he feels more sense of responsibility because not is he only getting actually paid for this, but these photos will be printed and circulated _ everywhere _and they’re also added to their portfolios. it affects his company, chanyeol and minseok, which is much more of a big deal than having his own fansite, since truthfully, he really does this fansite thing only because he loves it (and baekhyun), not as a business or for profits. this photoshoot affects planet photography, affects his future, and despite doing this a hundred times before, taking pictures for baekhyun on behalf of the company is just… jongdae couldn’t put a name to it, but this gig is much more burdensome than their other usual jobs.

“mr byun, please stand a bit to your left and relax your shoulders a bit,” jongdae directs, signalling the other with his left hand.

“i told you to call me baekhyun, mr kim.”

jongdae ignores that of course, continues clicking his camera and occasionally checks the desktop for the previews. once chanyeol deemed that the shots sufficed, they decided to take a short break for the subject to rest and change to his next outfit.

“you okay? you seem tense,” chanyeol points out.

“i’m fine,” jongdae answers curtly, gulping down the remaining water in his bottle, “i can’t believe minseok hyung knew about all this and didn’t bother to tell us.”

“client’s orders, dae,” minseok says for the umpteeth time since they found out, defending himself, “besides, i thought you’d be happy about it. big bucks too.” chanyeol nods in agreement.

the photographer just shrugs, “is weird, that’s all.”

“i would offer to take his pictures but he wanted you,” chanyeol pats jongdae on the back, “sorry dude.”

“mr kim,” all three of them looked towards the voice, it was kyungsoo. “baekhyun requests for your presence in his waiting room.”

“am i allowed to ask why?” 

kyungsoo only shrugs at that, “just follow me.” jongdae feels like he wasn’t even given a choice, so he stands up, and quickly prays to whoever is listening to him before he enters baekhyun’s room.  
  


baekhyun smirks at him smugly as he enters, “hi, jongdae-ah~” god, did jongdae wanted to smack that smirk away, or kiss it. _ wait, why is he thinking like this? _

“yes, mr byun, is there anything you need from me?”

the slightly older one nodded, “for you to call me by my name. come sit,” he pats the space beside him on the sofa, “i have something to ask you.”

jongdae doesn’t miss the mysterious glint in his eyes when he sits cautiously, afraid as to what was going to happen.

“don’t be scared of me, dae. it’s just me, your hyung.”

“i’m not scared, j-just alert,” he stutters and baekhyun just smiles wider.

“surprise!” he pulls up a book from behind his back, and did jongdae know it all too well.

it was his 5th limited edition photobook, to celebrate supporting baekhyun for 5 years. also the photobook that he poured the most, and he really meant, _most_, feelings into. he does not want to admit it out loud but he regrets it a little. 

“out of all your photobooks dae, this is by far my favourite. i bring it everywhere with me.” 

‘_yikes, that’s creepy_,’ jongdae thinks.

“i especially like this specific page you wrote about me: _ with every moment i capture, i fall in love with you more and more each time. i ask myself everyday how someone can be so perfect, but i realised that no one’s perfect, one just falls in love with his flaws too. flaws makes a person who they are; baekhyun is baekhyun, and that is more than enough for me. _”

“fuck, you picked the cheesiest line,” jongdae accidentally says outloud, and the other just chuckles.

“yeah, it’s pretty fucking cheesy.” baekhyun just continues flipping through the book, unknowingly making the other person in the room more uncomfortable, “i always wondered why you take photos of me.”

“a lot of people take photos of you,” jongdae states as a matter of fact.

“i know that. but i know you’re one of my very first fansites, plus you’re a male. our fans are predominantly female. so tell me jongdae,” he leans closer, “what drew you to me?”

* * *

from the second busking event onwards, jongdae was obsessed. byun baekhyun was every man’s dreams, he is fucking perfect. he danced well, he obviously sings well, his visuals are out of the world, heck, he even raps well. jongdae was in awe, he had never considered his sexuality, but since then, he had only dreamt about baekhyun, in more ways than one.

“chanyeol please~ i follow you shopping all the time. it’s just this one event, please~” jongdae begs, and honestly, he didn’t even have to, chanyeol would’ve said yes anyway, but he liked to play hard to get.

“fine…” his best friend cheers really loudly, seemingly really excited to be going to some _ lame _charity event where super m would be performing at.

“oh man!” jongdae grunts, “my phone has got really shit quality.” he was upset, he had forgotten to bring his camera to school, and since the event was immediately after the bell, they didn’t have time to go back and grab it. chanyeol, being the rich and much more technology-advanced friend, since his father dabbles in the technology industry, shoves his latest phone into his hands, “just use this.”

jongdae widened his eyes, “are you sure?” his best friend just nods, “no big deal.” the former just squeals in delight, he really was lucky to have chanyeol as his best friend.

"whoa, there are alot of people here with really big cameras."

"they're called DSLRs. they take really good quality photos. sometimes even better than the latest smartphones."

"what for though?" chanyeol asks in wonder, but his friend only shrugged. soon after, the first group - everglow - came out, and the concert started 

super m was the 3rd group to perform, they were only rookies anyway. they started out with their b-side tracks, had a small talking segment, before performing their pre-debate single and then, their title. jongdae tries to focus as much as he could while just snapping aimlessly with chanyeol's phone, not caring whether he would have enough memory space. he had given his friend his own photo right before it started, asking him to film baekhyun since he was tall and had nothing to do anyway.

at the end of the set, jongdae decided to leave, since he was only there for super m anyway, and was in awe with all the pictures he took.

"they're all so good!!!" jongdae shouts in excitement, and chanyeol, although had the same energy as the other, tries his best to calm the other down as they walked back towards the cafe they had intended to go to.

"are you going to post them?" 

the older only shakes his head, "keeping them for myself." taking pictures of baekhyun was thrilling and exciting, and he knew it wouldn't be his last time.

"dae-ah. guess what i found out," chanyeol tells him the next day, "i was scrolling through the super m tag on twitter and i saw all these." he shows jongdae a bunch of tweets with pictures of the other members on it. he furrows his brows in confusion. "remember we saw the girls with the big ass cameras yesterday? they take pictures of idols and post them! see, they're kai ones, mark ones and look at this! _ onyourmark _, is a mark fanaccount."

jongdae only squints, "their photos are all so good." his friends nods, "maybe you should invest in one good camera and do this too!"

"and where am i going to get the money from? the sky? these cameras costs like a million won." 

chanyeol shrugs, money was never a problem for him, and he feels bad that he couldn't understand his friends' struggles. he offers them help, but he knows that it can come out offensive (he had one too many experiences) so he couldn't really help out much. maybe he can just buy himself a camera and offer to lend jon-

"and no, don't buy yourself a camera then let me use it for a long time. i won't allow it." _ okay, that goes the plan. _

"you seem to enjoy taking photos of this guy."

"yeah, it's fun. anyway, can you kakao these photos to me?" jongdae was always lacking in the technology department.

"just keep the phone. i can get another one."

"what?! are you crazy, there's no way i will accept this."

"just keep it, seriously, my dad is going to give me the newest phone tonight."

"park chanyeol, no, i am not going to keep this. just kakao to me," jongdae forces the phone into his hands and chanyeol just do what he says anyway.

"done."

"wah, i might actually post these. even the videos you took are good."

"remember to put your name on it. so people won't steal your stuff."

"i am not going to put my real name!" jongdae scrunched his nose, "how do i make an account on twitter?" 

"aish, will just make one for you, if not it'd take us 40 years. baekhyun would have retired by then," chanyeol clicks on a few things here and there, "if you don't wanna put your real name, what do you want your username to be?"

"username?"

"like a name, dae," chanyeol sighs, "maybe something baekhyun related."

jongdae thinks, _ and thinks, _"baekhyun?"

his friend rolls in eyes, "you can't just put _his_ name. put something cheesy like onlybaekhyun, maybe mylovebaekhyun or… or lovingbaekhyun?"

jongdae gasps, "i got just _the_ name."

and that was how lovingbyun was born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh,,,, anyway how we all feeling abt the teasers !!!! i am very unready for jongdae's teasers lol i just know i wouldn't be able to handle it ;(((((
> 
> still looking for more exo-l friends uwu i hope you guys have enjoyed this <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy obsession day! here's a little chapter to celebrate the comeback, since I'm making good progress on the story as well!
> 
> there are time jumps here, so if you're confused, do let me know and i'll edit it by italicizing the past so as to not get you guys confused.
> 
> mistakes are all mine, I'll read through the entire thing again... one day.... if you spot any, please do let me know hehe I truly cannot read my own stories and spot check ;(

"everyone has really nice cameras and i only have this basic one," jongdae pouts.

"have you talked to your mom about it?" 

"she said they'll come up with the other half of the money if i can come up with half. but that'll take a while."

"i-"

"don't even think about it, yeol." chanyeol accepts his defeat before it even started, and when his friend started chanting baekhyun's name, he puts up the new phone his dad _ actually _gave him and films baekhyun, like he promised.

“god, he really is so perfect…” jongdae mumbles to himself.

it’s funny how hard, how fast he fell for baekhyun. it’s cheesy, he knows, and weird that he can just like someone based on what? the very few videos of them that they had? but with these videos, jongdae has learnt a lot about the seemingly perfect human being. here are some of the many reasons why jongdae fucking loves byun baekhyun:

  1. first of all, his vocals are almost unbeatable. of course, to jongdae himself, it’s impossible to be as amazing as baekhyun, but he guesses he can give some other singers a little chance. but byun baekhyun and his voice is out of this world unique, amazing and beautiful.
  2. his visuals. fuck, need he say more? even with the not-so-great quality pictures jongdae takes of him, his face, his proportions still shone through. jongdae likes his idol best with no or minimal make-up; that’s when he’s most beautiful
  3. his duality. jongdae melts at baekhyun’s everything, especially when he does aegyo. and the fact that baekhyun has a bit of a baby face, just elevates his cuteness to unhealthy levels, and jongdae can’t take it. his heart literally melts, and he doesn’t want to admit it, but when baekhyun did the teeniest bit of aegyo to kai for food, jongdae might’ve cried a little.
  4. and in jongdae’s personal opinion, his favourite reason is baekhyun’s personality. everyone knows he’s fucking hilarious. but what _his_ fans would only know is how humble, down-to-earth he was. baekhyun barely seems to ‘fake it’, you could tell his laugh, his smiles, his words are all genuine. jongdae loves the advice his idol gives him during fansigns, lives or his ments at concerts, because they’re not only funny, but also sincere, like_ he gets you_, like it’s a constant reminder that baekhyun is human too. during jongdae’s darker days, he watches any baekhyun videos that he feels like watching, and they immediately lift his spirits up. it was super fucking cliche for jongdae then, but unfortunately, it was only the beginning for the most cringe-worthy, but worthy years of his life. 

“so?” jongdae snaps back to reality at baekhyun’s question.

“you’re… just you. is that enough reason?” 

baekhyun smirks, seemingly satisfied, “sure.” he flips through the pages again, and points to a particular one jongdae had taken in one of their japanese concerts, “my favourite.” he takes a marker that was left on the table, placing them both in jongdae’s hands, “sign for me.”

“sign?”

“yeah. the tables have turned, huh? i usually sign for my favourite fan, and now i want my favourite fan to sign for me,” baekhyun says sweetly and innocently, leaning in _ even more _, jesus.

“w-what do you want me to write?”

“anything.” baekhyun continuously smiling at him should make the other swoon, but jongdae only feels uncomfortable. he moves away, creating a safe distance between him and his idol, ironically, and that cause baekhyun to move towards him, narrowing his eyes. “what’s wrong?”

“sorry i really don’t feel comfortable with all this…”

“why not? you like me, right?”

“it’s just weird. i meet you at official events, fansigns, timings where it’s appropriate, but now… it feels too personal. too _ close _.”

“it’s appropriate now, we’re working.”

“are we, really?”

“so… if we're not working, then what are we doing?” baekhyun smiles innocently once again, leaning in.

“making me uncomfortable.” jongdae thinks to himself, ‘what’s wrong with me? i’m not usually like this.’

“why are you uncomfortable?”

jongdae challenges back, “why are you so close to me?”

“wouldn’t you like this?”

“again, like i’ve mentioned so many times, i’m uncomfortable.”

“i don’t understand why you are,” baekhyun backs away anyway, “but okay. any fan of mine would have loved it.”

“thank you. also, i’m not just _ any _fan.”

“i can see that.”

jongdae breathes out in relief, “i need to go… rest.” he practically bails out of the room, not even bothering signing the photobook like his idol wanted him to.

but most importantly, _ what’s wrong with byun baekhyun? _

* * *

as jongdae returns to where his friends are, it’s visible that he’s flustered.

“oh my god, did you guys make-out?” chanyeol asks, suddenly alert at his friend’s presence.

“no we did not! he was making me uncomfortable so i just left…”

minseok sat up suddenly, “uncomfortable? how? did he do something to you?”

“he just sat really close to me.”

“i thought you’d like it,” chanyeol commented.

“you know i like my personal space. it’s weird, baekhyun being so close to me like this.”

"the proposal is near,” chanyeol smirked in triumph.

“no one is proposing to anyone.” jongdae shudders at the thought of baekhyun sitting close to him again.

“just two more days, dae,” minseok tries to comfort the other, “we need to go back though.”

-

“do i look good, jongdae-ssi?” baekhyun smirks as he walks into the set. the intended just stares at him and ignored the question. “i’ll take that as a yes.”

the photographer walks towards the idol with his camera, “gonna shoot some close-ups now.” he raises his camera up and starts clicking, and baekhyun was being very natural, he always is, so at least, the shoot went by pleasantly. they called it a day a few hours later, not without some comments from baekhyun of course, but jongdae was grateful nonetheless.

“let’s all have dinner together?” the idol suggests. 

‘great, just great,’ jongdae thinks.

of course, they ended up at a ramen restaurant; but not just any restaurant, it had one michelin star in its stride. since baekhyun announces it was his treat, jongdae naturally orders the most expensive bowl (something with crab, he doesn’t know. it was just expensive.). right after the waiter walks away, he feels a buzz from his phone.

**nayeonnie**: oppa ^^ remember to post your side for the season’s greetings tonight!

**jongdae**: i will right now, thank you for reminding me, almost forgot. :/

**nayeonnie**: you must be really busy ㅠ sorry!

**jongdae**: no, i’m just having dinner right now.

jongdae debates telling her and bambam about shooting for baekhyun, but he realises he signed an nda. he opens his twitter account, having already drafted out the tweets with previews before he left. seems like nayeon and bambam had already posted on their side just a bit ago. he presses ‘tweet’ after he double-checks the tweet.

“hey, is it alright if i sat here?” jongdae hears, looking up. before he can say anything, chanyeol agrees to switch places with baekhyun, and now the latter smiles at him as he sat down, “hi.”

“hi.” 

baekhyun suddenly takes out his phone, looking at it, “oh. my favourite twitter account just tweeted.” jongdae looks at the other’s movements as he lights up his phone, and presses on a notification, bringing him to the tweet that jongdae had just sent. did baekhyun have _ lovingbyun’s _notifications on?

“oh, it’s out. the photos are nice too, ah,” baekhyun leans back in his chair, “i really love the theme.” jongdae stays frozen as he watched him zoom in and out of his previews, admiring the work, “you did a really good job, jongdae-ah.”

his heart flutters a little, as jongdae replies, “thank you.”

“did you do these yourself?”

“yeah. i run everything myself.”

baekhyun puts out his hand and held the other’s, “i’m proud of you, jongdae-ah.” 

“what are you doing, baekhyun-ssi?” he asks, but doesn’t pull away.

“holding your hand, can’t i do that?” jongdae doesn’t say or do anything else, and baekhyun takes that as a battle won.

* * *

“hi…” the next fan came to sit in front of baekhyun. although he has met hundreds of fans, he prides in being able to briefly remember their faces. this one though, he was new. and since it was almost rare for baekhyun to have male fans _ attend _fansigns (he does have male fans, just not fans enough to purchase albums to see him), he surely would have remembered someone as handsome and attractive as him.

“hi! what’s your name?” he takes the album from the fan, 'must be his first time,' he thinks, seeing how timid he is being. 

“a-ah, jongdae. kim jongdae.” fuck that, this _ jongdae _ is handsome. attractive _ and _ super fucking adorable. it was _ definitely _ his first time here, baekhyun concluded, he would _ never _forget someone like jongdae.

he quickly signs the page dedicated to him, scribbling down a little smiley beside it, “you have a very nice name.”

“ah thank you,” jongdae stutters again, and baekhyun collected all his willpower not to just lean over and pinch the others cheeks. before baekhyun uncaps his marker again and write down a little more. “you have a very nice voice," jongdae adds on and baekhyun smiles, “thank you. i’ll see you around.” he really hope he does, and before baekhyun could remind himself to have a little self-control, he winks.

_ jongdae, _thankfully for baekhyun, did come multiple times after, as well as for every other future comeback, their interactions getting more familiar. he had started noticing the other with his camera at the airport, some smaller-scale events, but never at concerts. baekhyun knows that jongdae attends them though, considering he does upload photos on his fansite. he sends baekhyun some fansupport as well. he's in awe how jongdae manages school, work and being such a loyal fansite all these years, knowing some of his fan sites had closed or gone on indefinite hiatus. yes, he kept tabs.

only _ lovingbyun _ had been with him from the start, and stayed, and for that he's very grateful. also, he didn't end up as a _ sasaeng, _like some of his 'fansites'.

oh, and how did baekhyun find out about _ lovingbyun? _

everyone knows baekhyun checks on his sns regularly. he would randomly reply to conversations about him (but was not mentioned in), scrolls through his name in the search bar, chancing upon many fansites… so naturally, he finds jongdae as he remembers what he writes on his albums, and from time to time, jongdae does upload a picture of his signature on the album (with his name covered of course), or the answer to a question he had remembered jongdae asking. 

sometimes when he walks around the hall (it was rare, but those times jongdae was there), he teases his camera by posing towards it, or using it to capture the other members, which was also how baekhyun found out jongdae was a fansite for ** _him_ ** , thank fuck. he admits it was creepy that he follows one of his fans so quickly, but there was something about jongdae that piqued his interest; he's interesting, entertaining, gorgeous and baekhyun especially _ lived _for his giggles and laughs, that's why he tries his best to make a fool of himself or crack a joke in hopes to enjoy a shy giggle or two.

but how did he find about _ exoplanet photography? _

kyungsoo had managed to pull some strings, convincing the administrator who handles fansigns why one of his idols needed the winner's list. kyungsoo wonders too, but he realises he doesn't care enough. jongdae's name was easy to find, _ kim jongdae, _ and since his best fan had also mentioned a _ chanyeol, _ who he was a little jealous of considering he gets to see jongdae _ everyday, _ it was easy to search them up - everything's on naver, so really, baekhyun isn't being as creepy as he sounds, really.

once he finally gets the opportunity to have some creative control over his own stuff, he insisted on hiring jongdae. _ jongdae _ from exoplanet photography, not _ chanyeol. _ **jongdae jongdae jongdae**. he made sure kyungsoo knew that. he also wanted him as the model to be confidential, he wanted jongdae to be surprised.

and surprised he was, but it wasn't the kind of surprise baekhyun had expected. jongdae sure was shocked, but he thought after that, jongdae would be the shy, giggly fanboy he sees at fansigns, but it turns out… _ this _ jongdae was a little cold. he thought the younger would welcome the closeness, the informalities, but he had only distanced himself from him. baekhyun doesn't understand, everyone would _ kill _to be as close as jongdae is with him now, but the latter doesn't care, and that made kim jongdae more intriguing.

'why is he like this?' baekhyun thinks to himself.

"it's because you're being too straightforward," kyungsoo says. maybe he didn’t think it to himself after all.

"_what?" _

"during fansigns, there's a line between the fan and the idol, so it's comfortable then. now that we have this photoshoot, you're just crossing it. he still thinks there's a line, but you've just kinda cut through and walk across it in like… an hour. of course he feels… _ violated _ ? or he feels like he's violating your space even though you've cut it open yourself, makes sense? anyway, you're coming too strong. you're _ flirting, _" kyungsoo states.

"i am _ not _flirting."

"you are, i wasn't even in the room when you talked to him one on one, but him leaving the room _ flustered _ and your shenanigans on the floor, tells me enough. i've worked with you for a decade, baek, i know you," he paused, "just be careful, okay?"

"what do you mean?"

"you're at your peak, baekhyun-ah. don't jeopardize it."

* * *

the entire dinner he places his hand on the younger's knee whenever he didn't need his left hand, since jongdae needed his right hand to eat. jongdae flinched every now and then, but he still doesn't say anything or swat his hand away. it's a good sign, baekhyun thinks.

_ wait, was kyungsoo right? was baekhyun flirting? _

he looks over at jongdae, who was smiling at something someone said, baekhyun doesn’t know who; he only had eyes for his fansite-nim. 

his eyes actually sparkle, wow. and his smile is a million b-

"baekhyun-ssi?” 

"huh?" the idol snapped out of his trance, looking away from the _ angel _and at everyone else at the table.

"i asked if you wanted to go drinking with us later," chanyeol states, smirking after catching baekhyun in his little act, "jongdae wants to go back to the hotel though."

"oh," baekhyun tries to act as casual as possible, stretching his arms, "well, i am a little tired too, you guys go ahead." he then puts his right arm over the other's chair. he hears someone snort, but ignores that, he’s paying for the bill (and salaries) anyway, so they couldn't tease him _ much. _

they all part their ways a while later, kyungsoo giving him a '_ remember what i said or suffer the consequences later' _glare (they knew each other that well), before the car brings only jongdae and baekhyun back to the hotel.

the younger had just looked down and stayed silent the entire ride back, baekhyun not so subtlety staring at him this time, he really was shameless after all. he didn't say anything though, because the driver was right there.

once they got down, jongdae quickly said goodnight before almost running towards the lift lobby, but baekhyun's reflexes were faster, grabbing his wrist before he could make a run for it.

"come to my room, i wanna show you something."

jongdae's entire face turned red almost immediately, it was way too fucking adorable for baekhyun's eyes, "uh-uh. no…"

"no?" baekhyun asks.

"no. you're my idol and i am just a mere fansite… i… work for you right now too. it's not appropriate."

just then, baekhyun realises something, "no! i don’t mean that. i wanna show you something very kid-friendly, i promise."

_"kid-friendly?"_

"yeah, not going to hook up with you or something… unless you wanna…?"

jongdae widens his eyes and rightfully panics, "no no no!" the other just laughs at his reaction.

'ah, you're really too cute…' baekhyun thinks, or so he thinks he did (again), because jongdae just widens his eyes again and almost started hyperventilating there and then.

"come on! let's go." he puts his arm around jongdae like they were friends or something, they're still in public after all. he presses the top floor, it was nothing much, just a suite he shares with kyungsoo.

"welcome," he dramatically welcomes the younger into the large room with a bow, "to my humble abode."

"there's nothing humble about any of this," jongdae mumbles.

"wine? champagne? or just sparkling water?" 

"normal water is fine." in the mood of being fancy (and setting a good impression for the most adorable man in the world), he opens the bottle and pours it in one of the fancy glasses that came with the suite, and sets it down for jongdae, who was sitting on the sofa in the living room.

"be right back." baekhyun rushes into his room, pulling out a box he had brought with him from seoul. since he knew he was going to work with jongdae, one goal of his trip was to show him this.

he sets the box infront of the younger, who was just nervously sipping on his drink.

noticing the other, his idol, was looking at him expectantly, he asks, "what's this?" he is giving jongdae a gift? what for?

"just open it." jongdae slowly puts his drink down, biting his lower lip and hesitantly opened up the box.

_ oh god. it was much, much worse than a gift._

in that box, laid all the letters jongdae had given him at fansigns. all fucking** 10 years **worth of cheesy, corny letters. it came back to bite him in the ass. he quickly puts the lid back onto the box, almost flinging it away, but he resists the urge and puts it back on the table a little too harshly.

“what? was it made out of fire?” baekhyun jokes, “i received all the gifts you’ve given me throughout the years. the food support at concerts, which were delicious by the way, letters, toys, and even your birthday cake and presents, but you knew that, since i post about it every year. oh, and i tell you about it.” jongdae looks at the other; his idol seemed so smug, so proud of himself for doing normal-people things. 

“thanks?”

baekhyun takes the box back in hands, “i read them all the time, this box is with me wherever i go. especially when i’m travelling. _ the lovingjongdae _box, as i call it simply.” jongdae choked on nothing hearing the name, fuck, what was wrong with byun baekhyun?

“all ten years of love letters, i really do genuinely enjoy reading them. i get a shit ton of letters, but yours are always special. so they’re in this special box,” he explains even further, but jongdae thinks he doesn’t need to; it was very clear-cut.

“you’re crazy,” jongdae bewilders, “this is too much.”

baekhyun widens his eyes, “i-i’m sorry.” he pulls back, pouting out of habit, standing up and returning the box to his room. “tell me jongdae-ssi, how much do you hate me?” he asks as he walks out of the room.

“i don’t hate you… mr byu-”

the multi-million dollar idol sighs, “baekhyun, seriously jongdae, just call me baekhyun.”

“fine. baekhyun, i don’t hate you.”

“then why do you keep… _ rejecting _me?”

“is just too much. you’re coming on too strong. like at fansigns, concerts, events, wherever and whenever, there was always a line i made sure not to cross, and a safety bubble with me and you that does not go beyond that.. you’re still human, i don’t want to come off as a creepy fansite, or like sasaeng-like… i wanna be just lovingbyun, your fansite. your fan. a fan that admires you without being too into your personal life. that’s it. now, i’m working for you, which is fine. but suddenly, this line erases itself, and you decided to pop the bubble and i’m just exposed to too much of you; too much of you that is way too personal for my comfort because for 10 or so years, i’ve always looked to you just as an idol.”

“you looked to me as just an idol? nothing more, really? i’m more than just an idol, you know that. like you said, i’m human, i’m not some god that descended from above. jongdae,” baekhyun sighs in annoyance, “your letters tell me otherwise.”

“and what do they tell you? i’m curious,” jongdae crosses his arms.

“that you look to me as more than an idol, like a friend, or something.”

“what’s something?”

baekhyun shrugs, suddenly shy, “you know…”

“i don’t,” was all jongdae says, seemingly challenging the other to admit whatever he’s trying to say.

“like we’re in a relati-”

“WE’RE WHAT?!”

“love letters, you write like we’re boyf-”

“do not,” jongdae warns, “finish that sentence.”

baekhyun only rolls his eyes, “huh, maybe kyungsoo was right.”

“about what?”

“he said i was flirting with you.”

“yeah, you are. thought that was obvious.”

“jongdae, we’ve seen each other a whole damn lot for a very long time. i thought we’d be friends at least and this is more than just a little friendly banter.”

“do you do this with all your fans or is it just me?”

shamelessly, he admits, “just you. i’ve always thought you were something special. since the start.”

“enlighten me.”

“my fans make me happy. they make me want to work hard, motivate me, they make me feel content, satisfied. as an idol, a singer. you on the other hand, you make me feel full, as a person. as byun baekhyun, a 27-year-old man from bucheon.”

“_just_ by these letters?”

“yes!”

“so… you like me? like, _like like_ me.”

“maybe, yeah.”

“maybe?” jongdae stands up, “you made this entire hoo-ha to tell me _ maybe?_”

“i don’t know, okay! i’ve never actually thought about my feelings and then you’re asking me about them!”

“you started to assume shit about my feelings _first,"_ jongdae grunts, “forget it. goodnight, mr byun.”

“jongdae, wai-” and the door slams in his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know what you thank of the story thus far! i don't have a beta reader but I do get my cousin to read through for me, but since she doesn't really read fics, I can't properly gauge on the progress of the story. so any feedback is helpful (just don't be TOO mean 😹🙏🏼) 
> 
> !!!!!!! tbh, I'm still warming up to the title song but I LOVE LOVE the direction this album has gone into. the songs are truly up my alley, now i just need obsession to follow suit 😹
> 
> everyone looks amazing (as usual) but JONGDAE.... KIM JONGDAE.... THANK YOU GOD FOR CREATING HIM. THANK U
> 
> I hope my albums come soon 🥺 I forgot if I've mentioned it but I ordered 4 albums when I only wanted to order two.... it is really only because the site I bought it on had a flash sale and the price was low enough that I knew I'd regret it if only bought 2 at THAT price..... I still haven't ordered OBSESSION ver tho... hhhhnggg. anyway.
> 
> come talk with me on twt or cc or even in the comments section! what's your favourite song thus far? mine for now is probably non stop or ya ya ya.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayo happy new year! hope you guys had a great time over the holidays! i went on vacation and immediately, finished up a school presentation after lol....  
the chapter is a little longer than usual.... because i got carried away so here it is.  
did anyone catch last night's exploration dot stream? i couldn't afford it, but my cousin had found an angel streaming it online so i got to watch it anyway (& simultaneously embarrass myself infront of my cousins...) but it's so worth it. thank goodness the stream didn't include the last hour..... i would've bawled my eyes out (which i did eventually, alone as the clock strikes midnight.) the entire concert was amazing, especially jongdae's singing and the ments..... especially junmyeon's..... i sobbed.
> 
> anyway, enjoy!
> 
> (p.s. wrote this chapter long before OBSESSION was announced so really, they copied me.)

“you sound obsessive. ironically. but what's new?"

baekhyun narrows his eyes at his manager, “why are you smirking, kyungsoo. why? and what's not new?"

“aren’t fans supposed to be the more obsessive ones? but here you are, being obsessed over a fan. but really, have you only realised this _ now? _"

“i’m not obsessed,” he defends himself, "realised what?"

kyungsoo sighs, this kid really _ is _useless, “did you know that you've been talking about this jongdae guy since debut? wondering whether he’ll come, keeping his letters in a little love box, stalked him and found out about his company, practically flirting with him once you got the chance, then pouncing on him the second after. you were also very into one of your fansites, and it took me only one second to connect jongdae and lovingbyun together, since you're extremely fixated over these two. sure, not obsessive.”

“i-”

"when you write songs, you tell me that you had no muse, that you get inspired by movies, which i knew was bullshit from the very start. kai tells me that you had once mentioned writing a song about someone, but when he asked for a name, you just smiled. like you were in love or something. that song turned out to be betcha, and i know you wrote 'girl' in your lyrics but we all know, you're into guys. i don't even know what's in your head sometimes."

"wow…" baekhyun stares at his manager in shock, "i have never heard these many words come out of your mouth before. and we've walked together for more than a decade."

"baekhyun," kyungsoo snaps his fingers, "focus."

"why didn't you tell me this before?"

"because your little _ crush _was harmless. i thought there was nothing to worry about, albeit i should have seen it coming since you were obsessed for ten years but, the next thing i know you're practically asking your little crush to marry you."

"i don't have a c-"

"you do, byun baekhyun, you do. well, i would have called it stalker-level obsession, but since i work for you, sure, a crush."

"stop saying the word _ obsession _, it's too much."

"too bad, it describes you accurately well."

“i... have a crush on jongdae?” baekhyun asks himself.

“ob-”

“no. no. don’t say it, never say it again.”

* * *

the next day, thankfully, the sky was clear, and they managed to get everything up and running ahead of schedule. baekhyun had greeted everyone in the beginning as per usual, and (honestly) unsurprisingly, goes up to jongdae, “hi, dae.”

jongdae doesn’t even look at the other, “hey…” _ dae, really? _didn’t know they were that close already. chanyeol seems to agree, since he chokes on his drink at the nickname.

“how are you feeling?” baekhyun asks, swaying gently on his heels, hands behind his back.

“good…?” jongdae looks up then, and really tries not to drool at the sight - baekhyun in a simple, white button-up, with denim jeans. fuck, he does really look best in simple clothes. lucky him, very unlucky for his fansite. 

“great. yeah, that’s great!” he almost shrieks, jongdae and chanyeol looking at him weirdly now. he looks around awkwardly, not leaving their side because of god knows what. “oh! sehun-ah, you’re here!” he actually shrieks this time, surprised to see his friend at the shoot. he runs to him, practically lunging at the younger.

“fuck, oh sehun?” chanyeol asks, “he’s friends with oh fucking sehun?”

jongdae smacks his arm, “didn’t know you were a fan!”

“i’m not,” he denies, “but his instagram account is lit as fuck. him and -”

“YIXING-AH!” a shout was heard again, and looking over, jongdae sees baekhyun hugging zhang yixing, the all-rounder chinese idol-producer, also, baekhyun’s best friend. from outside the group of course. the three of them always run in the same circle, having grown up together under the same agency, but on their own different paths.

“surprise!”

"and yixing..." chanyeol continues, "fuck. they're even more good looking in person."

"come and meet the photographer!" baekhyun pulls his friends towards where jongdae and chanyeol were, "this is jongdae, and his colleague, chanyeol!" 

the 4 of them exchanged pleasantries, and jongdae doesn't miss the mischievous looks of the 2 new strangers.

"baek has talked _ a whole lot _about you," sehun comments, as he shoots a wink at jongdae. his friend only smacked him on the arm, "i do not!"

"sure, and birds can't fly," yixing adds, and baekhyun's smart mouth only said, "penguins can't!' 

just then, kyungsoo comes in, "love the reunion, but we need to get baek ready now." he pulls his artist, leaving the remaining 4 alone.

"nice to finally meet baek's muse," sehun says again.

"muse?" jongdae tries to keep his voice as calm as possible as he adjusts the camera's settings.

"yeah, you're his muse. for his songs," yixing clarifies.

chanyeol gasps dramatically at that, "the proposal is coming after all," he whispers to his best friend's ear.

"i-i am not… he uses the female gender in his songs."

both the other's friends shrug, "he told us he has a muse, we all thought it was a girl since you know,the pronoun he uses in his songs. but one day, when he was talking about his inspiration, which we didn’t even ask for by the way, he accidentally said 'he'. usually he refers to you as 'my muse' but that _ one _ time he used _ he, _" yixing explains.

"_ he _could be anyone," jongdae pointed out. 

sehun snorts, "you've never seen his room yet. once you do, you'll understand why."

"why?" chanyeol butted in, "what's in his room?”

the 94-liner duo looked at each other again, nodding at something they didn't even say out loud. sehun suggests, "why don't you see for yourself? come over when we're all back in seoul, and you will find out for yourself. just don't tell baekhyun in advance."

jongdae rubs the back of his neck, "you want us to come over to his house without telling the owner?"

"oh it's fine, i practically live there," yixing shrugged it off.

“yeah, you can’t tell him, we don’t want him to get rid of evidence!” the other backs him up.

“can i follow?” chanyeol asks, earning a glare from jongdae for even wanting to go.

“of course, let’s exchange numbers after, so we can plan a little party for all of us.”

“baekhyun-ssi. i need you to stand a little too your left, but angle your body towards me.” jongdae tries to stay as professional as he could (with that fucking fit, with how GOOD baekhyun looked, he really salutes himself for not sporting even a half hard-on). oh, and also because he was still processing about what his idol’s friends had just said, because who can function if they heard that?! ‘it could be all a joke,’ he tells himself, but he couldn’t help but hope that maybe it was a little true.

thankfully for him, baekhyun followed his instructions to the t; making his life much less difficult today, but the little comments did not stop. 

“i like how we both know this is my best angle.” “i trust you, dae!” “dae, i want close-ups, i mean, since you know how to do that well, right?” ending it off with a wink.

“i’m sick of you guys’ flirting,” chanyeol complains.

“i’m not flirting with him,” jongdae defends himself.

“him excessively flirting with you makes up for your lack of flirting. seriously, what’s wrong with him?” 

‘you and me, both, yeol,’ jongdae thinks.

“he obviously likes the middle child here,” minseok comments.

“he does not like me.”

“he does,” chanyeol and minseok say simultaneously, hi-fiving each other at their synchronisation.

“he. does. not.”

“you do, right?” chanyeol asks.

“oh no… no, i fucking hate byun baekhyun that’s why i spend my free time taking pictures of him?” jongdae sarcastically replies, “i’m dispatch, that’s it, i reveal my true job.”

“i meant, like a crush, a boyfriend.”

“not you too.”

“what? who else mentioned this?”

“who else?”

"he has some sort of obsession with you, i am 100% sure we will see a shrine room of all of your fansite merchandise and pictures," chanyeol says, "once we go to his house of course."

"house? who's going to whose house?" minseok asks, right, he wasn't there when they got the invitation.

"baekhyun's friends invited us to his house!" chanyeol excitedly claims, clapping his hands.

"what for?"

"to see his jongdae shrine." "we're not going."

"what do you mean we're not going, dae? it's a once in a lifetime opportunity, to go into your idol's house!"

"that's an _ invasion _of privacy, park."

"it's not if we're invited."

"we weren't invited by the owner, we were invited by his friends."

"whatever. if you're not going, i can go by myself. unless minseok hyung wangs to follow along?"

"sure," the manager shrugs, "why not?"

"minseok hyung!" jongdae feels _ betrayed, _but the oldest just ignores his whine.

"oh my god i literally cannot fucking wait to see the jongdae shrine. fuck, what does he have? not pictures of you unfortunately, since he's the idol and you unfortunately lack in the social media sector."

"i _ do _have social media."

"for baekhyun," chanyeol reiterates.

jongdae didn’t see the point, "and…?"

"okay enough squabbling, we need to get back to work." minseok snaps his fingers, shooing them away from each other to get back to their places.

well, just one more day.

* * *

**sehun**: we’re all hanging out at baek’s this coming friday, around 8pm. up for it?

“fuck yes we are!” chanyeol screams, huh, he must’ve gotten the message too. he looks over at his best friend, “dae, what should we wear?!”

“clothes? the heck, this isn’t a red carpet event. just wear what you normally wear.”

“but we’re going to baekhyun’s whatever-million dollars home, we need to dress like a million dollars!”

“you do know how much we make, right?” jongdae asks, they did earn quite a bit, but it wasn’t even close to half a million dollars.

“we can make it work, come on, let’s see what clothes we can take from luhan hyung to replace all your trashy clothes.” chanyeol stood up, grabbing jongdae by the arm, and was obviously met with resistance.

“we have work, yeol.” granted, it was a tuesday night, they were at minseok’s house, just sitting down on the floor working, while watching hotel del luna on the kim’s 60-inch tv, but they were still _ working _. “and we’re not borrowing anything from him! his underwear itself costs 500 thousand won!”

“how would you know that?” minseok asks, coming in with some freshly baked cookies for the boys.

jongdae groans dramatically, “guess the truth’s out! i’m sleeping with your husband.”

his manager could only snort, “yeah... luhan would never sleep with someone like you,” causing chanyeol to choke and laugh on… well, nothing.

“hey! i’m a catch.”

“yes, that’s why i’m happily married and you’re in your late twenties chasing after another man.”

“fuck! sorry, dae, minseok hyung won by a landslide,” chanyeol unnecessarily comments.

“whatever,” jongdae huffed, getting back to editing baekhyun’s pictures.

“you’re not even editing the right pictures!” minseok scolded, looking at the younger’s screen.

jongdae was indeed, editing his seasons’ greetings for _ lovingbyun _.

“i need to insert in the recent LA photos, and also finally pick a photo from the special gift. they’re due in like 30 minutes,” jongdae glares at chanyeol, “also, unlike someone, i’m already more than halfway done with our clients’ work, ahead of schedule.”

“didn’t ask, show-off.” okay, in jongdae’s defense, baekhyun always looks perfect in his photos, not much editing had to be done. “also, you’re used to editing our client, so you know him more than i do, edit him better than i do.” well, that too.

jongdae turns his laptop towards his manager, “minseok hyung, help me pick a picture for the pop-socket.” 

the door slams open, shocking everyone in the room, “sorry,” the culprit rubs his nape as he carries two full bags of groceries.

“hey junmyeon, where’s my husband?”

“dunno, probably still parking the car.” junmyeon, luhan’s secretary, releases the bags in the kitchen, before joining the rest in the living room.

“hey hyung.” (jongdae) “yo, what’s up?” (chanyeol)

junmyeon shrugs, “nothing much, what are y’all doing?”

“i need help picking a photo,” jongdae turns his laptop towards his hyung, “it’s for a popsocket.”

“oh! i heard from the bossman that you took pictures for him!” jongdae only glares at minseok, “seriously, even your husband’s secretary know?”

“ya! we’re friends too!” it’s true, jongdae and chanyeol met junmyeon in college. although he was a year older, he took a gap year before attending college, hence, ending up in the same year as them. the 3 of them were still close, the younger two hooking the older up with his current job (thanks to minseok, actually). “i can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

chanyeol turns to him, 3 cookies smushed in his mouth, “i did!”

“yeah, but lovingbyun didn’t,” he whines back.

“i was busy, kim junmyeon. geez.”

“you’ll be forgiven… only if you tell the goss.”

“the goss?” jongdae flicks the other’s forehead, “you’re 29. not 12.” 

he points to the screen again, forcing junmyeon to pick a picture, “the first one, he’s pouting, that’s cute.”

“ah, this is why you’re my favourite friend,” jongdae compliments, earning some whines from his two other friends. the door opens again, and the ceo comes in, bearing more bags.

“how much did you guys buy?” this time, minseok does help his spouse, unlike how he left the other out to dry when he came in. luhan and minseok met in college… well when the latter was in college at least. luhan had skipped grades, taking over his family’s business when he was supposed to be in his last year of university. it was the classic cafe-slipped-coffee agenda; except this time, luhan was the one accidentally tipping his drink when he bumped into minseok. from there, things escalated, in a good way, of course. the ceo was smitten by the (slightly) older man, going on secret little coffee dates whenever he can and one thing led to another and now, they’ve been married for 3 years.

“a lot…?” luhan embarrassingly admits, giving a peck to the older.

“boss was finally grocery-shopping after so long and had even wanted to buy the whole store, thank god i was there to stop him,” junmyeon says.

“my saviour,” minseok ruffles his hair.

“but my baby deserves everything~” luhan whines, back hugging his other half. minseok drags them both to scan the damage, as he removes 2 packets of 3 toothbrushes, “we don’t need these.”

“well, in the future… maybe?” other unnecessary things included: towels, kitchen knives, paper cups, 2 bottles of toilet cleaner… of the wrong brand. Luhanjust cuddles more into the older, hoping it pacifies the other. it did.

"hey lovebirds! what do you want to eat? we voted for chicken!" chanyeol shouts, flinging around the menu in his hands.

"we're older than you, you know?" minseok reprimanded.

"so, chicken or what?" 

they ordered too much. well, in chanyeol's point of view, he could finish all of them, but he's already clutching his stomach 4 drumsticks in. 

"it's okay, bossman is paying for it anyway," junmyeon shrugs.

"i pay for your everything, junmyeon," luhan states.

"and…?"

"you know what, dae?" chanyeol speaks up with a mouthful of fries in his mouth, "i'm surprised baekhyun hasn't asked for your number yet."

minseok softly gasps, "you're right!"

"see," jongdae replies, "he's not into me after all."

"or… he is too engrossed flirting with you that he forgot? he seems dumb. like those people who are dumb in love," luhan comments.

"don't say that about him!” (jongdae) "yeah you might be right." (chanyeol) "he does look dumb." (junmyeon)

jongdae groans, "can't believe i am even friends with you guys."

"relax dude. you know we're just joking," chanyeol says.

“and uh, he did ask for my number,” jongdae mumbles.

_ “you started to assume shit about my feelings,” jongdae grunts, “forget it. goodnight, mr byun.” _

_ “jongdae, wai-” and the door slams in his face. _

_ jongdae doesn’t know whether he should bless or curse his hearing, but behind closed doors, he hears a soft: “at least give me your number.” it was a surprise that baekhyun didn’t ask again after. _

junmyeon asks the obvious, “why didn’t you just give it to him?”

“no! that’s weird, and he never asked about it again so…” the fansite-nim just shrugs, uploading more previews onto his twitter account. 

“i’m sure he’d get your number somehow,” chanyeol comments, sipping his cider one last time before calling it quits.

and... they spoke a little too soon.

  
  


**unknown number**: the pictures are nice. never had a doubt in you.

**jongdae (work)**: is this who i think this is?

**unknown number**: and who exactly are you thinking of? ;)

**jongdae (work)**: i’ll believe it when i see it.

**unknown number**: [attached image]

**unknown number**: [attached image]

**unknown number**: [attached image]

“okay... so who’s the whistleblower here?!” jongdae shouts in agony.

“oh… OH he texted, didn’t he,” chanyeol smirks.

“on my work phone.”

**unknown number**: [attached image]

it was really, just a bunch of selfies baekhyun must’ve taken at one go, considering he was in the same clothes, just taken from different angles.

**unknown number**: [attached image]

**jongdae (work)**: okay. i get it.

**unknown number**: [attached voice note] don’t you feel lucky~ not every fansite gets personal pictures from their idols, you know ^^~

**jongdae (work)**: i’m neutral. how did you get my number?

**unknown number**: :p

jongdae just assumes he got it from kyungsoo, considering minseok does provide all their work contacts in the contract. he saves baekhyun’s contact under ‘bbh’.

**bbh: **when should we meet again?

**bbh: **you know, for the pictures ^^

**jongdae (work):** i’ll let minseok liaise with kyungsoo.

**bbh: **aw, your no fun :(

**jongdae: **you’re*

**bbh: **will you be adding airport pictures from my recent trip?

**bbh: **oh wait! i forgot, you weren’t there ;) hehehe

**jongdae:** okay… mr byun, do you need anything?

**bbh: **aw :( call me baekhyun :( :( i just bought your seasons’ greetings :) at 6.05pm hehe hope i made it (*´∀`*)

right, today was the day jongdae promises to the fastest fingers that whoever manages to submit and make payment right on the dot of 6.05pm (baekhyun’s birthday), will get a special gift. it was just a mini photobook of unreleased pictures, something he doesn’t understand why baekhyun needed, but okay.

he checks and tallies his bank account transaction history and the submissions he got, in total, they were about 16 successful transactions. looking through the names again, none of them screamed baekhyun, but who knows, really? he quickly posted the successful applicants online, soon enough, getting another text.

**bbh**: i made it! (*´∀`*)

**jongdae (work): **lol… which one was you?

**bbh: **wouldn’t you like to know? ;)

**jongdae (work): **yes i do… that’s why i asked...

**bbh**: ㅋㅋㅋ a celebrity doesn’t tell his secrets!

* * *

soon, came the most dreaded day, for jongdae, and what is probably the best day of chanyeol’s life. the latter did take some of luhan’s nicer clothes, with the ceo’s permission (and insistence) of course, and forced it on jongdae, tucking it in where necessary. it was only a little baggy, but hey, jongdae liked wearing oversized clothes anyway, right? 

chanyeol was obviously very proud of his work, but jongdae didn’t understand why they needed to dress up. 

“his house would be filled with celebrities, dae.”

“my usual clothes aren’t bad,” jongdae defended himself.

“they are,” minseok walks into the room with luhan following right behind. yes, literally the entire circle is going to baekhyun’s house, sehun said it was fine anyway. they decided to take the same car, well, luhan’s huge car with his own personal driver, which meant they could all drink tonight.

“baekhyun doesn’t know we’re coming, right?” junmyeon asks.

jongdae groans, “don’t remind me.” they were walking towards the door now, after yixing buzzed them up. chanyeol squeals like a little child, knocking on the door a bit too excitedly. jongdae hears a, “wow, the pizza’s here? that’s fast!” on the other side of the door before it opens, revealing baekhyun in all of his - oversized hoodie and shorts - glory (at least the hoodie was gucci).

“oh! jongdae!”

“seriously, he’s not even right in front of you but you noticed the shorty here first?” chanyeol snarks, pushing past the owner to enter the house, “show us the money!!” well, all except jongdae, who still stood outside the door, unwilling to enter, and baekhyun, who’s staring at the other with shock, wasted no time when sehun led the entire group into the house.  
  


“hi~” baekhyun greets rather… cutely. a little too happy to see him, jongdae thinks. considering it was a surprise, he’s shocked that baekhyun isn’t pani-

“OH MY GOD KIM JONGDAE GET YOUR ASS HERE! RIGHT NOW.” jongdae snaps out of his thoughts, also pushing past his idol to see what the commotion is about. when he gets there, the rest made a pathway for him and

oh.

my.

god.

“it’s a fucking shrine.”

the room wasn’t really big, but god, it feels like it. there was absolutely everything and anything of what lovingbyun had produced, every slogan, keychains, fans, photo books, calendars, photocard, every single thing. they’re all displayed oh so neatly and nicely, even the cards were framed. fuck.

“who the fuck told them?!” baekhyun bellows, standing behind the group in front of his ‘DO NOT ENTER’ room. unlike the usual noise in byun baekhyun’s household, it was dead silent this time round.

“uh... i-it’s not a big deal, baek,” yixing stutters.

“you lot embarrassing me is not a big deal?! i know i may not look like it, but i have some pride too.” the door bell rang, signalling the actual pizza delivery man, sehun quickly excusing himself out of the narrative to take the pizzas.

“wow... i was just joking about the shrine but…” talkative-chanyeol is definitely speechless now.

fuming, baekhyun drags everyone away from the room into the common space, chanting, “get out. get out.” everyone took awhile to settle down, baekhyun’s friends mum because their friend never gets mad, and jongdae’s friends either creeped out, amused, or just in shock. jongdae… well, he was all of those emotions combined.

“baek, calm down…” kyungsoo does what he does best, damage control.

“i can’t fucking calm down if i want to bury myself 6 feet under right now,” the idol mumbles back, loud enough only for his manager’s ears.

the front door opens again, energy happy and carefree, “hi everyone!” everyone else in the living room just looks at the newcomer, who quickly senses the tension, “oh. did i miss anything?”

“just my friends shaming the fuck out of me. come in, kai, the only friend i can fucking trust.”

“jongdae hyung,” sehun gently taps the other, whispering, “tell baekhyun it’s fine.”

“what if it’s not?” jongdae snides, causing sehun to curl up to yixing.

baekhyun stands up with a sigh, “jongdae, can i speak with you for a second?” great. just great.

they ironically ended up in the shrine, with the door locked.

“so…” baekhyun starts softly, “how much do you hate me and want to stop being my fansite? wait, don’t tell me.”

“i... i don’t hate you baekhyun.”

the other widens his eyes, “wait, you don’t? really? and oh my god, you called me by my name.”

“i... uh, this is all still so fucking weird… honestly, i thought i’d be more freaked out though.”

“really? so… this doesn’t scare you?” jongdae shakes his head, “i’ve an… area in my house dedicated to you too.”

“but that’s like okay?? i have a fucking shrine for a fansite! for his own fansite, of _ my _ pictures, of _ me, _ because they remind me of _ you _… hell, even i find it fucking weird. fuck, you having a shrine for an idol is… not weird. this,” baekhyun waves around the room, “weird.”

jongdae crosses his arms, “if it’s weird, why do you do this?”

“i don’t know… it’s nice i guess?” baekhyun cringed, “your work is very impressive.”

“it’s technically a shrine for yourself.”

“i know, stop reminding me how weird this is. i know it’s weird, why the fuck did i do all these?” the idol mumbles to himself. jongdae looks around again, this time walking around the room and admiring his work.

“the display is very… nice. makes my stuff look good.”

“no no! you make me look good. very good quality photos, that’s why i wanted you to do my photobook.”

“wait,” jongdae widens his eyes as he raises a really limited-edition book, given to the highest donor person who donated for his baekhyun birthday project, “you’re the one who donated two million won?”

“yeah, and you emailed me back asking if i made a mistake,” baekhyun chuckles.

“yeah... two million is a lot.” baekhyun shrugs, it’s nothing to him anyway. jongdae moves on, literally everything he has produced is there, and it’s overwhelming to see your work displayed so lavishly. it almost makes himself proud of his work. like the 10 years led to this; getting an entire display by your own idol.

‘huh, this is so fucking wild,’ he thinks.

“so... penny for your thoughts?”

“neutral... i’m neutral.” he looks over to his idol, this is super fucking surreal. it’s getting repetitive, what he’s saying, but jongdae just could _ not _believe it.

“neutral…?”

“i...i’m really just impressed by the display… i can get over how my idol has every merchandise of mine… someday.”

“i... see. so, we’re good?”

jongdae nods, “we’re good.” he uncrosses his arms and shoots the other a small smile, before walking towards the door.

“wait!” jongdae turns around. “can i… have your personal number?” oop, there it is.

baekhyun internally panics, “i asked you the other day but you walked out on me and i… i was too embarrassed after that to ask. so i’m asking you now.”

“why?”

“why... why i want your number?” jongdae nods. “so, we can text each other.”

“why... i’m your… fan. you can’t just give out your number to fans, does kyungsoo-ssi know about this?” granted, jongdae already had his number, but that wasn’t the point.

“i’m giving you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! not every idol freely give out their numbers like this! and fans don’t usually reject them either.” baekhyun defended himself, since he’s starting to feel ashamed of asking.

“i don’t think _ any _idols would willingly give out their numbers. and fans can’t reject what wasn’t proposed. although usually, fans can find them themselves,” jongdae notes.

“so you’re telling me you knew my number before i texted you?”

jongdae smirks, this is fun, “maybe.”

“so? why don’t you text me!”

“that’s called sasaeng behaviour. i’m not a sasaeng.” jongdae shrugs, right palm on the doorknob, “well, if you want my number, you work for it.”

challenge accepted.


	5. Chapter 5

sehun and yixing begged their friend for forgiveness and mercy, and although they had to suffer 10-mins of nagging and a promise of a very, very good dinner at a michelin star restaurant, baekhyun forgives them. it wasn’t that bad anyway, since jongdae wasn’t as weirded/creeped/freaked out by the revelation.

baekhyun thinks of ways to get the other’s number. first, he asks his friends directly, but they would not budge. when he asked for tips, chanyeol suggests to ‘woo him properly’ and ‘not like a creep you’ve made yourself to be’. _harsh_.

he asks kyungsoo, who advised _against_ it, obviously, but when he hears what chanyeol had said, he chuckles, “he’s not wrong. maybe if you knew how to flirt, you wouldn’t have to suffer like this.”

_flirt_? byun baekhyun _ knows _ how to **flirt**.

whenever he does something charming on stage, girls swooned. so yes, he _knows_ how to flirt. maybe he should speak english to jongdae, that gets the girls riled up.

he lays down on his bed. _maybe_ his friends were right, he sucked at flirting. wait, he can ask kai! he’s had girlfriends before… he sure knows how to woo people, baekhyun guesses.

**bbh**: jongin come here

**kai**: what? why? i’m tired.

**bbh**: just come here i need advice

**bbh**: i’m your hyung

**kai**: a lazy one.

kai and baekhyun shared one apartment after the group moved out of their dorm, although the latter fills the apartment way more than the former (so really, it's baekhyun's apartment). soon, the door opens, no knocking whatsoever. since they grew up together, nothing, and really, _nothing_ is new with each other, even body parts.

“what?” kai complains, “what’s so important that you’ve summoned me?”

“teach me how to flirt.” 

“_what_??” kai confused, leaning against the door. the older whines for him to come in and lie beside him, and he does.

“i want jongdae’s personal number. so, i need to flirt with him, right?”

“what kind of logic is that? why can’t you text him on his work number?”

“that’s unprofessional… not too mention, impersonal. and how else am i supposed to get his number??’

“uh, maybe be a decent person? kyungsoo-hyung told me what you did, you know?”

baekhyun groans a little too long, “_why. why. why._ does everyone hate me?”

“you were really creepy. though, not surprised.”

“so, what do you think i should do?”

“befriend him, with no expectations of… something more. like... forget about your _crush_.”

“how do- ah, kyungsoo.”

“i kinda guessed it long ago though. firstly, you mentioned him a whole lot. _‘hey, i have a very cute fanboy, his name is jongdae.’ ‘jongdae came today! he’s so handsome.’_ jongdae this and that. you also had this obsession with _lovingbyun_, and kyungsoo-hyung told me they’re the same person.” kai pauses, “i knew you collected his… stuff, didn’t know how much until we have a room dedicated to it. i thought you just love yourself a lot, but you never stopped mentioning this jongdae guy, and i thought to myself: he has a problem.”

* * *

it was their 3rd fansign, years back, at daegu, and the first thing baekhyun says as soon as they stepped into their car was, “he came again!”

“who?” taemin asks, before kai smacks him, “ow!”

“don’t start, he won’t stop.”

_ too late. _

“jongdae! he came the first time, and told me he couldn’t come the second time because he had work.” baekhyun pouts, “it’s nice that he favours work more than me… but…”

“is he crazy?” taemins asks.

“you sound upset at something mundane,” kai points out to baekhyun.

“i don’t know…”

“you sound like you miss him, like he’s your boyfriend or something,” taemin adds. 

“he wishes,” kai snorts.

man and he does. baekhyun thinks about what could have happened if he had met jongdae in other circumstances. there were so many constraints, the biggest one is baekhyun not being able to date, especially a fansite, his own one too. he has been on dates, but he has standards (read: jongdae). he doesn’t know when this… fixation started, but he just couldn’t stop thinking about lovingbyun, and he couldn’t figure out why.

“hey, you’re only on your 4th year since debut. don’t do things you’ll regret,” taemin advised.

“yeah, i won’t… i promise.”

* * *

“anyway, you’re older than me. you can make your own decisions and you know the consequences. whatever you do, remember who you can and cannot trust.”

“yeah, yeah, i’ll be careful.” baekhyun sighs, “everyone only tells me to be careful, it’s annoying.”

“because dating a fan is… fucking risky, man. what’s so special about this… fansite-crush?”

“he... when he first came, when we came back with 2 Fast, i remember. he was really, really nervous and my first thought was how fucking cute he was. i mean, him being the only guy at that particular fansign was rare, and come on, he’s so handsome, and adorable and ugh,” baekhyun groans, “i’ve never been so sexually frustrated in my life till i met him.”

“what?” kai was very confused at his hyung’s… _comments_, but nothing new there.

“it’s just,” baekhyun raises himself up with his elbows, “everytime i see him, anywhere really, he just makes me feel… i don’t know… happy? like i actually look forward to seeing him every single time.”

“wow. you do have a problem.”

“i have a sickness, and the cure is kim jongdae.”

“cheesy, but why now?”

“because, the company is giving us more leeway; i finally got to choose who i wanted to photograph for my photobook, took the chance, and it was simultaneously the worst and best decision of my life.” kai looks at him quizzically, urging him to go on.

“best: because i got to know him in a much more… personal level. worst: because i cannot fucking have him. fuck!” he lies back down again.

“and what’s this got to do with flirting if you know you cannot have him?”

“i want to. in secret. i mean… you’ve done it, right? **twice**!” _ouch_, baekhyun, kai’s sensitive.

“and they didn’t work out,” kai points out, “work is going to mess up your relationship before you even get to third base.”

“jongdae is worth it.” that much baekhyun knows.

“have you thought about how he would feel? what he has to sacrifice if he actually agrees to be your boyfriend?”

“geez jongin, i just wanted flirting tips. not a lecture. i know it doesn’t guarantee us getting married or something, i just want to flirt.”

kai raised an eyebrow, “that’s it? flirting? nothing more?”

“yeah... nothing more,” he tries to convince himself. _god_.

“fine. first, hyung, don’t be so forward. don’t go into too much of his physical personal space. kyungsoo hyung and i may be used to it, but maybe not him,” he pauses, “yeah, definitely not him, considering he is your fan first, and even i took a year until i stopped punching you when you breathe _into_ my ears,” he shudders.

“kyungsoo still does that.”

“can you blame him though?” baekhyun silently agrees.

kai excuses himself, taking a cup of water before he comes back, “secondly. act cool. not like a fucking pubescent 13-year-old boy. i mean, be yourself, sure. but be less yourself, if you get what i mean.”

“o...kay.” weird, but sure.

“don’t be too eager. just talk to him like he’s… what’s his name again?” 

“jongdae, dude. didn’t you say i talk too much about him, and yet you still forget his name?”

“i think i shut you off after the third time, probably. listen, you need to act like you’re friends, not idol-fan. you need to pretend like there’s no boundary whilst not being too forward. act normal, is what i’m trying to say. don’t imply anything relationship-related, just act normal.” everyone knows that’s hard for baekhyun, but kai has faith. sort of.

“act normal. i can do that.” yeah, should be easy, right?

oh. we all know how this is going to go.

* * *

“hi everyone,” baekhyun greets as he enters the company’s meeting room, forcing himself to look at everyone and not just stare at one particular person (he did, accidentally, avoids eye contact with said person, but oh well). he smiles and looks down as he walks to sit at the only empty seat in the room. they were meeting for baekhyun’s photobook, and now he has to pick the pictures to go in it.

“so we quality-checked all the pictures we took, and we’ve reduced them to 300 or so pictures for review,” chanyeol starts. they reviewed the outdoor ones first; which was obviously jongdae’s favourite; baekhyun in a white button-up with jeans, he knew he needed to edit these himself. they were all so fucking perfect, good and sexy and amazing and award-winning worthy (the person himself is all that, really, pictures do not do him justice), but with minseok behind him as he tries not to swoon and stare at every picture, jongdae was forced to present only choose the really, really good ones (which in his definition, is every single picture, but that’s not up to him).

“so,” baekhyun folds his hands on the table, looking straight at jongdae, “mr photographer, which ones do you like best?”

the other looks back, slightly shocked, before snapping back to reality, “the, uh, close-ups are quite good, really shows the intensity of uh, mr byun’s… of mr byun.” he sees the older smirk before looking at the screen again, chanyeol scrolling through the pictures. they managed to pick about 100 pictures from the entire file, chanyeol getting the drive ready to pass to the production team.

“can’t jongdae do it?” baekhyun asks.

kyungsoo pinches the bridge of his nose, “baekhyun _please_.”

“i mean! he can help the team a little, right?” 

jongdae looks down, not knowing how to react.

“you only hired us to photograph you though? i’m afraid we cannot do anything else,” minseok states, trying to contain a smile at the idol’s distress.

“they need to fuck it out.” was heard, jongdae and minseok hitting chanyeol to shut his _god damn, big mouth._

“in better and more normal circumstances, i’d be inclined to agree,” kyungsoo chips in, “but since i’m obliged to protect my… liability…” he glares at the person beside him.

“rude,” baekhyun remarks.

“that can absolutely not happen,” kyungsoo concludes. baekhyun groans loudly, comfortable enough since it was only the two managers, jongdae and chanyeol.

“but,” kyungsoo continues, “as long as you keep it on the down-low, like a secret you’d bring to your graves, i guess i can close one eye.” he could feel his _liability_ perk up.

“this feels like you guys are negotiating and trying to sell me off,” jongdae remarked.

“we are? no?” chanyeol jokes, earning another hit from his best friend.

“are you coming to the naturalskin fansign, dae?” baekhyun asks as they finalised the remaining work. superm were the ambassadors for naturalskin, and of course, jongdae did not buy one million worth of skincare and makeup products to get a spot at the fansign. no, he did not (he did).

“yeah, i mean he has to. there’s a shit ton of products at our studio _and_ apartment. now i’m forced to use your brand and not my usual nature republic, i feel like a traitor.”

“don’t be fucking dramatic,” kyungsoo spoke up, shocking everyone, he had barely interacted with chanyeol and here he is, sniding him.

“don’t be fucking dramatic,” chanyeol mocks back.

“okay, these two,” minseok points between the other manager in the room and his idiot best friend, “definitely fucked. it was the night when we all went drinking on the second night, isn’t it?” their silence was also an answer. minseok's a psychic.

“you got laid and you didn’t tell me?” baekhyun theatrically places his hand on top of his chest, “you hurt me, doh kyungsoo. you’re fired!”

kyungsoo looks down, “shut up.”

“it’s about time you got laid man!” jongdae leans towards chanyeol, raising his hand up for a five but all he got was a smack on his shoulder by none other than baekhyun.

“my friend isn’t a fuck toy.”

“i’m not saying he is! and did you just hit me?”

“guys, guys. it’s a one-time thing, relax. not a big deal,” chanyeol speaks up before things escalate.

“yeah, not a big deal…” kyungsoo mumbles, still looking down. awkward silence inevitable ensued, before baekhyun spoke up again, “so, i’ll see you again in 2 days, right?”

“maybe,” jongdae shrugs, the corner of his lips curved up a little.

“okay,” baekhyun bounces up and down a little, “can’t wait!”

* * *

**bbh**: i heard it’ll be chilly today, please remember to dress warm! see you ᕕ╏ ͡ ▾ ͡ ╏┐

**jongdae (work): **hey! i’m currently out of the office today, and will reply as soon as i’m back! for any urgent matters, please contact the office at +82 21 0994 0804. thank you.

damn it, who knew jongdae had some automatic message replies machine for this. but since he was out of office, baekhyun could very much guess he’d be seeing a certain fansite at the event today.

“what are you smiling so hard for, hyung?” mark asks as he enters the van.

“nothing,” with that question, he smiles even more.

“help, he’s being creepy again,” mark says as soon as kai enters the vehicle.

“he’ll be like this the whole day,” he smirks knowingly.

“it’s creepy, he smiles like the joker.” 

a little more than an hour later, they’ve reached their destination. they had already rock-paper-scissors for the positions they were going to sit at the fansign, and baekhyun was situated second to last. the fansign was supposed to be fast today, according to their manager, since they needed to start discussing their next comeback. as soon as all the fans had filed in, the group comes out, did their introductions, and quickly started the fansign. baekhyun tries to swiftly scan through the crowd to see whether he could catch a glimpse of jongdae quickly, if he’s even here in the first place, but they all seem… female-looking. 

the constant signing that came after distracted him enough that he forgets he was supposed to be anticipating jongdae… that was a fucking _lie_, and everyone knows it. fan after fan, baekhyun wishes it was jongdae (no offence) but his hope decreases by the second as the fansign progresses. as they reached their last 10 fans, baekhyun just concludes that jongdae didn’t manage to get in, it wasn’t rare, but it wasn’t frequent that he didn’t show up too. where could he have been? if he’s not here, or at work?

“oppa,” baekhyun looks up smiling at the fan infront of him, “hello.”

“hi! what’s your name?” he capped off his marker and looks at her, anticipating.

“nayeon~ and i have a special letter… from someone you know well.” she passes him a pastel-yellow envelope, only with the words ‘to baek’. 

‘someone i know well?’ baekhyun had wanted to ask, but opted for, “thank you~ i’ll read it well.” he carefully places the letter towards his pile of fanletters, wanting to read them later on their way to the company. still, it still rubs him weird that she had specifically said someone you know well, it’s obvious the letter didn’t come from her, and judging from her pins, she's definitely a kai stan. he has seen her many times before too, so she’s definitely some kind of fansite.

nayeon smiles again, a little too cheekily, baekhyun observes, before parting, “remember to read it!”

so the yellow, and baekhyun realises, scented envelope was the first letter he had open once he secured his seatbelt. it was a postcard… of him. _huh_. he flips it around and started reading it.

‘hi, baekhyun. i know i said that you ~might~ see me today, but unfortunately, i couldn’t get in. i’m at the venue though, so i’ll be passing this letter to my friend, nayeon, who had managed to win a spot today, to pass to you. just wanted to wish you a successful fansign and a great night. stay happy & healthy always. till the next time we meet, hyung ^^ -lovingbyun.’

“oh, oh my god,” baekhyun squeals like an excited little child. kai, who was sitting beside him, opened one eye, “it’s from him?”

“yeah!” baekhyun couldn’t contain his smile as much as he tries. 

‘jongdae didn’t forget about me!! jongdae didn’t forget about me!!’ he’s so drunk on this fact that he almost misses another line written quite small below.

_‘i'__ve given permission to one of your friends to pass you my #. good luck _.’

_friend??? what friend???? which friend?????_ the thought boggles his mind, considering as far as he knew, jongdae and his friends had never exchanged numbers. but he still texts the first person that came to mind. 

**baekhyun**: give it to me.

**ks (manager)**: what???

**baekhyun**: i said, give me jongdae’s number.

**ks (manager)**: his work number? you have it, don't you?

**baekhyun:** i meant his personal number.

**ks (manager): **i don't have it.

**baekhyun**: don’t lie to me, soo :(((

**ks (manager)**: i really don’t.

**baekhyun**: :((((((((((((((((((

well, that was a bust. he knows kyungsoo wouldn't lie to him. also, he knew if he did have it, kyungsoo would have given it to him - the less he talks to baekhyun, the more sane he is, he once claimed.

the only other 2 friends he can think of are sehun and yixing.

[yibaekhun]

**baek**: guys, give it to me.

**sehun**: i’m a minor.

**baek**: what?? no your not

**yixing**: you’re*

**baek**: JUST GIVE IT TO ME!!!

**sehun**: i’m more into a monogamous relationship. i support your choices though, hyung.

**baek**: ?????? i just fucking need jongdae’s number. he said he gave permission to one of you.

**sehun**: i haven’t talked to him since we confirmed the party

**yixing**: me too. byun, are you ok?

**baek**: he didn’t say anything to you guys??????

**yixing**: nope

**sehun**: no

**baek**: don’t lie to me please :<

so if it wasn’t them, who else could he be? did chanyeol count as his friend? wait, he doesn’t even have his number.

_think byun baekhyun, think!_

who was at the ambush party the other night?

sehun, yixing, chanyeol, junmyeon, kyungsoo, kai… wait.

baekhyun immediately flings his head around to the right, “give me his number.”

kai, headphones on and eyes closed, obviously hadn’t heard that. his friend huffs, before hitting the sleeping member harshly on his left arm. kai, still with headphones on, now had his eyes wide open, “what the fuck, hyung?”

“number!”

“what? i cannot hear you.” he still had his headphones on, which baekhyun immediately (almost literally) rips it out of his head, “woah, that costed me 500k won.”

“number! you have jongdae’s number and i want it.”

“what makes you think i have it?”

“i literally have not that many friends and i’m sure ten doesn’t have it.” just as he says that, ten looks towards the back, “what?” baekhyun waved him off.

“listen, jongdae told me you have it. so give it to me.”

“even if i did actually have the number, you’re not asking very nicely, aren’t you?” 

baekhyun only rolls his eyes at that, giving up. he musters up every inch of pride and ego he has left, throws it away, and pouts, “kai oppa, can i have jongdae-oppa’s number, pwease~” he ends his embarrassment with puppy eyes.

“fuck, that’s gross.” that’s right, it’s gross, kim jongin, aegyo’s #1 anti. it seems to work if kai scrolling his phone was any indication. _and_… he puts his headphones back on.

baekhyun groans, hitting the younger again, “do you have his number or not?”

“do i?” kai smirks, still fixated on his phone.

“shit, just tell me!”

“get krystal to text me back and i’ll give it to you.”

“oh for fuck’s sake. she is never going to text you back if you keep up your fuckboy attitude.”

“i’m not a fuckboy!”

“yeah, i know you’re not, she knows you’re not one too, but you act like one. all you have to do is drop the attitude.”

kai groans, his hyung sure is annoying. “whatever, here’s his number.” baekhyun confused for a second before his phone buzzed with a notification. he squeals, side-hugging kai, “thank you thank you!!”

he pulls up the number, saves it under ‘♡♡jongdae♡♡’ before clicking on the chatting function.

**baekkie**: hi, it’s me~ ^^

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: let me guess, sehun was the one that gave it to you?

**baekkie**: WAIT?? you told sehun about it? O.o

**♡♡jongdae♡♡: **yeah…i told yixing hyung to give it to you if you asked, but he told me he’d ask his friend to do it for him to make your life difficult?

**♡♡jongdae♡♡: **wait, who told you my number?

**baekkie: **kai! :<

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: oh wrong friend assumption i guess… haha.

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: congrats though!

**baekkie**: :D

**baekkie**: so you really didn’t manage to get after spending so much? :(

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: yeah :/ such bad luck i guess hahaha

**baekkie**: :< i wish i can do smtg so you’ll end up in every fansign… but that might be illegal hehehe

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: don’t worry, not my first time, definitely not the last.

**baekkie**: ok :< i want to see u every fansign though </3 i texted your work # but got an automatic reply lol

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: yeah i usually switch the phone off if i’m not working.

**baekkie**: luckily i managed to get your personal no. hehehe

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: honestly, i’m surprised you managed to get it fast hahahaha

**baekkie**: wdym :(

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: thought your friend would give you a tough time ><

**baekkie**: maybe they love me after all? Hahaha

**♡♡jongdae♡♡: ** hahaha hopefully :)  
  
**baekkie**: it’s fine if i do not have theirs! i have urs ♡

baekhyun thinks that might be too much. if only he could retr-

**♡♡jongdae♡♡: **don’t worry hyungie~ you’ll always have my love.

fuck.

byun baekhyun is so fucking screwed. and he knows it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not my best chapter but :)))))
> 
> sorry i hadn't update earlier.... i just wasn't mentally well and i'm tired all the time hah  
my got7 concert got postponed and i was really happy initially - self-proclaimed second chance for me to get standing pen instead of seating jkadsldkjkd but now,,,,, i have nothing to look forward to :( haven't seen the boys since 2018 (apart from jus2 but it doesn't count!) hhhh :(
> 
> anyway !!! please, please stay safe! sanitise frequently, you don't have to wear masks if you're not sick but please clean yourselves as often as you can!! stay healthy!!!! my country has alot of cases of the virus and we're all anxious :-))))) but please take care of yourselves!!
> 
> i'll see you guys soon hehe


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this chapter like...... last year. so in light of more recent events, i edited to make it more ~ appropriate, i guess??????
> 
> ALSO
> 
> HAPPY MINSEOK DAY!  
minseok was my first exo bias and then it suddenly became jongdae ;-; sorry minnie, but i still love u, my son i never have to worry about but am very, very proud of <3

_**♡♡jongdae♡♡: **don’t worry hyungie~ you’ll always have my love._

  
“that was too much, right? fuck, i wasn’t thinking. well, i was thinking - my head was in his lovingbyun mindset but i was supposed to speak like jongdae.”

“you just made zero sense,” chanyeol groggily speaks into the phone. jongdae hears even more shuffling on the other side, before he hears a deep ‘goodbye’ from someone who’s definitely _not_ his best friend, who_ of course_ hung up the phone after.

jongdae quickly shoots chanyeol a message, hoping to get a reply before his friend started doing whatever... or _whoever_ his friend was doing.

**jongdae** : dude seriously?! you said it was a one-time thing!

and... no replies. well then.

‘my message was fine… right?’ jongdae attempts to convince himself, when his phone harshly buzzes.

**baekkie** : yes, your love is the most impt! haha 

_ 'wait, is that a good haha or an awkward-get-away-from-me haha?' _

jongdae groans, until he almost immediately realises he put his idol on read! but what else could he say?

**jongdae** : i think your manager and best friend took their one-time thing to like a… two-time thing.

_yeah, that’s a good save_, jongdae thinks.

**baekkie** : what????? no wonder kyungsoo’s not answering my messages. i mean, it’s not like he does answer my messages anyway… so… 

**jongdae** : who wouldn’t want to talk to you?

_ too much?? _

**baekkie** : men really are shit except you <3

jongdae wonders:_ are they flirting?_

**baekkie** : are we on the same page?

_ huh? _

**jongdae** : what do you mean?

**baekkie** : we are… flirting, right?

_ how the fuck? _

**jongdae** : are you some sort of mind reader wtf

**baekkie** : ????

**jongdae** : i was just asking myself that. the flirting question.

**baekkie** : really? :D ㅋㅋㅋ

**jongdae** : yeah. 

**baekkie** : so we r!!! :D <3

**jongdae** : i still want to understand; why me?

jongdae thinks again; _does he even want to know?_

**baekkie** : can we meet? i’ll explain to you then.

**jongdae** : is there even free time on your schedule? hahaha we all know a comeback is due.

**baekkie** : yeah, i probably could meet you at 2.

**jongdae** : pm?

**baekkie** : am. 2am. so we don’t get caught.

_ 2am?? jongdae sleeps at 10pm. unless he has work. _

**baekkie** : is that too late for you? are you the type that sleeps at 8pm? ㅋㅋㅋ

**jongdae** : well yeah, 10pm. nothing wrong with that.

**baekkie** : oh.

**baekkie** : yeah sure, ntg’s wrong, you’re perfect ^^

**baekkie** : do 2am outings count as dates though?

**jongdae** : i don’t know… are you gg to wine & dine me? ㅋㅋㅋ

**baekkie** : i would. i would do more than that, actually.

**jongdae** : so which 2am slot can you fit me in?

**baekkie** : i can fit you in to more than one slot ;)

**baekkie** : is tonight too soon?

**jongdae: ** excited, are we?

**baekkie** :  (๑•́ ₃ •̀๑)

**jongdae** : ㅋㅋㅋㅋ yeah. tonight’s fine. do we meet somewhere or are you going to pick me up in your expensive audi rs7?

**baekkie** : how do you know my car?

**jongdae** : it’s everywhere on sns. i assure you i have not seen the car irl yet.

**baekkie** : thank you, seriously.

**baekkie** : to reward you, yes, i’ll pick you up. with said car.

**jongdae** : oh my god you can be my sugar daddy

‘fuck when will kim jongdae think before he replies?’ jongdae scolds himself in third person.

**baekkie** : if you want me to ;)

**jongdae** : hmm. i’ll think about it.

**baekkie** : playing hard to get, i see.

**jongdae** : i know one th-

he backspaces on the sentence before he accidentally sends it.

**baekkie** : too bad you’re not the only one that’s hard.

**baekkie** : i mean

**baekkie** : hard to get. i’m hard

**baekkie** : to get.

jongdae chuckles at the other’s little thought process.

**baekkie** : shit do you still want that date

**baekkie** : i fucked up right

**baekkie** : stupid byun baekhyun

**baekkie** : (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ

**jongdae** : [address] 

**jongdae** : i’ll see you at 2am. 

* * *

baekhyun was nervous. he hasn’t been on a date… ever. before he debuted, when he was just a normal school kid, he was too engrossed in gaming and not girls. of course when he became a trainee and then debuted, he wasn’t allowed to date - not like he had a single second to spare on dating anyway. but now that he’s nearing his thirties, maybe he should think about settling down? he doesn’t know either, but he knows jongdae would be worth it. for at least the last 4 years or so.

he was (accidentally) 20 minutes early, so he just drives into a dark alley and parks his car there, trying his best to calm himself down. he doesn’t know why he feels this way; but if he could guess: he likes jongdae. as more than a fan, more than a friend. he thinks about how they got here, thinks about the sleepless nights thinking about the younger, thinking about how he always wanted to know this special person - kim jongdae - in a more personal level. feelings he has never felt with his other fans, feelings he has never felt in the last 27 years or so of his life.

at 1.56am, he shoots a message to the younger: _i’m already here, let me know when you’re ready. do you want me to pick you up at ur door? ㅋㅋ_

he replies that no, he doesn’t need to, and that he would be down in a while. baekhyun hopes jongdae is as nervous as he is ( the latter was).

sure enough, jongdae gets into the car 3 minutes later. baekhyun would’ve come out and opened the door, like a gentleman he is, but he didn’t even see his date until he hears someone struggle with the car handle.

“where are you bringing me?”

“it’s a surprise.”

“is any place even open at this time?” baekhyun shrugs at that, “do you need to work later?”

“told minseok-hyung i’d be late.”

“oooh,” baekhyun hums, smirking, “going fast, are we?”

jongdae looks over at him, “you do realise no one has dates at 2am right? still wondering why i agreed.”

“because you like~~ me!” baekhyun sings, making the younger laugh. he wishes he wasn’t driving so he could see it.

“i think like is an understatement; if you ever know how much time and money i spent on you..”

“thanks for paying for the car!”

he laughs again, “you’re welcome!” 

and baekhyun suffers.

well, jongdae wasn’t wrong, barely anything was open apart from clubs or pubs. it’s too risky for baekhyun, and they both know that, so he brings the younger to the second most risky place in seoul - han river. granted, it was quite secluded - jongdae didn’t even know this place existed. baekhyun tells him not to open the door, scurrying out and opens the door himself; then goes to the boot of his car and presents a picnic basket.

“so, a picnic date?” jongdae obviously guesses.

“like you asked: is there even anything open at this am?” he locks the car and holds out his free hand, “let’s go.” his heart soars for the millionth time (courtesy of jongdae’s existence) as the younger intertwines their fingers together.

“are you sure this is safe for you?” he asks worriedly.

“aw, are you worried for me~” baekhyun chuckles looking at jongdae being shy after his question, “we’re safe, i promise.” the next thing he knows, he leans forward and pecks the other’s left cheek, jongdae is really too adorable for his own good. 

“ya! don’t do that without any warning.” jongdae touches his cheek, more flustered than mad.

“so we can do it again if i warned you?” baekhyun teases him, almost missing the small nod the other gave.

they settled down at an area that overlooks the river, it was a beautiful sight, and baekhyun knows it’s going to be a good night.

jongdae was a little shocked, to say the least, when baekhyun presented a feast, for a picnic, that is. he pulls out a cooler, of all things, and in it were cut fruits, ice cream (the good kind) and a bowl of chocolate to dip the fruits in, if they wanted. he brings out some beer. neither of these food complement each other, but it doesn’t matter; jongdae reminds himself that this date was very, very impromptu.  _ if you told him 24 hours ago he’d be on a date with baekhyun, jongdae would just laugh at your face. _

he is rather in awe (and a little too happy) that baekhyun managed to pull this off in a mere few hours, and in jongdae’s standards, this is really romantic. cheesy, he knows.

“when are you going to answer my question?” jongdae asks as baekhyun feeds him a chocolate-covered berry.

“which?”

“why me?”

baekhyun takes a deep breath, “why not you? feelings are feelings, you can’t control them. we like people all the time, it’s just a part of life. turns out, i like you, i really, really like you. i know i told you maybe a while ago, but i think at that point of time, i was still trying to recollect myself, my feelings. and i realise that you, kim jongdae, has been on my mind a lot than i ever think you would over the past few years, not from the start, sure, but these thoughts rapidly increased at least for a couple of years. how we manage to have a 30-second personal conversation, how you tell me a lot about your life, how i know when you graduated, when your birthday is, who your best friend is. your letters tell a whole lot too. i realised this person has been taking up space in my mind, not to the point where i’d get distracted, but enough for me to tell myself: hey maybe this person means a lot to me,” he pauses, “do you get me?"

jongdae chokes on the poor berry, baekhyun quickly passing him a bottle of water (that seemingly appeared out of nowhere), and even in the dark, the latter could see the red rising up jongdae’s neck.

“was that too much?”

“i-,” jongdae coughs, “i just didn’t expect that. just…” he raises up a finger, and baekhyun knew to give him a while to absorb all the information in.

“s-sorry i… i didn’t know where that all came from either.””

after a few minutes, jongdae speaks up, “so… you like me?”

“yeah. i do… you?”

“i... i think the lines between me being a fan and you being my idol is… it’s still there. i don’t know if it can ever be erased, you know? like even if we start dating, i’d still think of you as an idol. someone untouchable, unattainable. there’s always going to be barriers between us, and that’s not the point of dating, right?”

“i... don’t know. i don’t think so? i’ve never dated,” baekhyun admits.

“me neither.”

“we... we could try. won’t hurt, right?”

“but it’s risky for you, hyung.” everyone knows it, idols dating can get way too scandalous and unnecessarily blown out of proportion. it almost always feels like idols dating could be somewhat career-ending, which jongdae could never understand. they're dating, so what? if anything, he would just be jealous that everyone else is dating except him._** hopeless, single kim jongdae.**_

there's going to be so much hate, he knows. mostly from delusional fans or netizens who are actually, just extremely bored and have too much time on their hands, but delusional fans were much more ridiculous. he's seen what has happened with superm's kai. a few of his fansites jongdae knew had closed because of one (1) man dating. and some of these delulu 'fans' were protesting from him to leave the group too. nayeon would call it: kim kai's impact (after cursing the fuck out of them on sns and emailing the agency all these evidences so they could take legal action against them). 

jongdae calls it **stupid**. it wasn't like dating is a crime for fuck's sake. idols who actually did commit crimes can get away with little to no punishments and STILL have fans, but a man or woman dating calls for a boycott of the member from the group? absolutely disgusting. anyway, the three musketeers have made a pact: to forever support their boys in everything as long as they can afford to.

“we would both be taking risks. and we have to be careful too. i’m willing to risk it all, are you?”

jongdae doesn’t have the answer for that. really, he's anxious just experiencing all this as fan, 

baekhyun sighs, “let’s see how everything else flows, okay? we should just enjoy tonight.” jongdae nods, immensely thankful that baekhyun isn’t pushing him into anything. he thinks he’s not ready. he knows he’s not ready.

“do you know we’re coming back?”

“well, yeah.” jongdae looks towards the river, “following the timeline, every other group from the agency has made a comeback, and if we’re following the sequence, only superm is left, so you’re definitely going to come back after mamamoo does,” jongdae continues, while the other looks at him, amused. “and you guys usually come out with an album around the 4th quarter, which is now. there are also rumours already that you’ve already filmed the mv. oh! i have to think about the free gift for the album order… wait, i think bammie has-” jongdae was interrupted in his little speech by someone else’s lips on his, even if it’s only for a second.

“sorry,” baekhyun nervously chuckles, “you looked really beautiful with the light shining, and the river behind you… the moment called for it i guess. also, your blabbering is really cute.” he sees the younger touch his lips with his eyes, eyes wide with shock.

baekhyun panics, “i’m sorry! i didn’t mean to come on you like that.” jongdae had still not made any eye contact with his idol, rightfully, surprised by what just happened. he recollects himself a while later, “it’s… it’s okay,” still avoiding eye contact.

“yo-you were saying?”

“i…” jongdae looks down, lost for words, “i forgot.”

“who’s bammie?”

“oh!” baekhyun heaves a sigh of relief when jongdae finally looks at him, “he’s one of the fansites i’m working with. ten’s fansite.”

“who are the other ones?”

“it’s just one more person - nayeon, she’s kai’s fansite.”

“oh the one that gave me the letter, right?” jongdae nods, “so just for the 3 of us? how about the others?” jongdae shrugs, he doesn’t know either. baekhyun asks again, “how did you three meet??”

“it was my first fansign, and nayeon was sitting beside me and practically guided me through this entire thing. we met bambam weeks after, and the rest is history. we do everything together, to save costs, primarily, and really, i’m just really glad i met them, we get along really well. we cover for each other, mostly for me since i do work too, they don’t. yeah, there’s no politics whatsoever, we work really well together.” jongdae sighs, smiling at their friendship, which he thinks he’d cherish forever.

“i... i didn’t want to ask but… did you tell them you photographed me for my photobook?” he asks worriedly.

“definitely not, it’s in the contract anyway, you made us sign an nda, remember? we do talk about our personal lives, but even if i could, i wouldn’t tell them so soon. i value my privacy the most, don’t worry.”

“am not worried,” baekhyun pouts at being called out, making the younger chuckle. they both stayed a little quiet for a bit, before he speaks up again, “penny for your thoughts?”

“i think this is all fucking crazy. sorry about my language but… i never thought i’d be on a date with byun baekhyun.”

“why not?”

“i’m so… i’m not at your level, fuck. it’s almost unreal, like a fanfiction come to life. you’re the byun baekhyun, and i'm just another commoner.”

“that’s what i realise though, everyone thinks we’re on some sort of pedestal. but we’re not, we’re just like you guys, the only difference is probably just our jobs? like, idols do have commoner,” he places air quotes on the last word, “problems. we have relationship issues, personal issues, we eat at convenience stores, we fight over the most mundane things like who’s paying for the bills, who’s going to do the laundry, clean the dishes, everything. we are commoners.”

“that’s true. but like you said, your jobs kinda put you in the public eye, everyone knows you, almost making you like a role model, like a figure to look at.”

“it’s not fun,” baekhyun chuckles humorlessly, “sometimes i wish that i was just… like an ordinary person. to go on ordinary dates or outings without worrying about people taking photos of me in secret… i get so, so paranoid, but throughout the years, i do know how everything works. the best time to go outside is really in the am. ”

“but you knew what you were signing up for… right?”

“of course. i don’t regret it like… 95% of the time. but it must really be nice not to be in the public eye.” jongdae feels sorry for him, he really does, but he doesn’t know what to say.

“let’s talk about happier stuff now,” baekhyun feeds the other some grapes, “how’s your greetings coming along?”

“good. i think it’s my favourite thus far. you’re really the epitome of angels and devils. it was hard to pick the pictures, when you look so good in all of them.”

“i look good because the photographer is very good.” he boops jongdae’s nose, and the latter is reminded of just how dorky the older is.

“so... when’s the comeback?” jongdae slyly asks, which baekhyun had caught on, “soon.” he winks.

“how many albums do you usually buy for yourself?”

“depends on how many fansigns there are, and how many i can go to. the three of us would buy maybe around… 40 for each fansign? i only keep one of each version, and give away the rest. group orders are different, the 3 of us can get about 300 albums? we do this so we can unseal them for event cards, special cards etc… honestly, i do the least work. nayeon is the expert on all of this.”

“ahh. confusing, but thank you so much for supporting me and the group,” he says sincerely.

“i enjoy it, i really do.”

“i kinda really wanna kiss you again.”

“i think no one’s going to stop you.” baekhyun’s heart soars as he leans forward and presses his lips against the other for the second time that night. it lasts for a little longer than they both expected it, but it was still welcomed anyway. it was just a simple kiss, neither wanting to go further, and it was enough.

“let’s go home.”

* * *

in the car, baekhyun held jongdae’s hand as he drives, the younger talking lively about the other groups and singers he listens to, and new releases. they find out that they do have similar interests in common, both very much liking soran and 10cm, and when baekhyun mentions he knows them personally, jongdae had almost cried.

“hey! you’re my fan!” 

“still! i know talent when i see them, that’s why i’m yours.”

“that you are,” baekhyun says proudly. “i was thinking… whether you want to come to mine’s again? don’t feel pressured to come though! just asking…” he chuckles nervously.

“i... don’t you have work?”

baekhyun shakes his head, it’s his day-off, “oh wait, you do.”

“if you can get me home in one piece by 10am, then i don’t mind.”

“who knew you were kinky?” he smirks.

“byun baekhyun. if you keep this up, this would be our first and last date,” jongdae playfully warns the other, squeezes his hand to let him know he’s serious (he’s not).

“please, i’m just stating facts.”

“maybe you’re kinkier than me.”

“not a chance. i’m innocent as fuck.”

“not as innocent if you curse a millisecond after.”

“i am!” baekhyun squeezes his hand this time, letting go to pinch on jongdae’s side, making the latter laugh. they soon reached baekhyun’s apartment building, ending up washed and collapsed on the bed, jongdae clad in baekhyun’s oversized sweater.

“did you buy my prive collection?” facing each other, baekhyun pulls the classic arm stretching move, putting his around jongdae who was, thankfully, not sitting too far away.

“of course, i don’t use them though. they’re too expensive to wear.” baekhyun chuckles at that. 

“you don’t have to buy my future collection, i’ll give it to you. consider this boyfriend privileges.”

“boyfriend privileges? so much for going with the flow.”

“i  _ am  _ going with the flow,” he defends himself, “don’t you want free stuff?”

“yeah with how much i spend on you,” jongdae jokes back.

“so, just take them. what’s your size?

“medium, how long did you take to design this collection?”

“about 9 months? have been busy after all.”

“i know, because if you’re busy, that means i am too.” he cuddles even further in.

baekhyun then asks, “what’s your all time favourite song of mine?”

easy, “betcha.”

“that’s fast.”

“it’s just a really good song. i use it as my alarm, ringtone, everything. it’s so good. especially live, wow.” jongdae recalls in awe, “everytime i film it, i try my best not to shake too much. but obviously i fail rather easily, so bambam and nayeon would give me their footage. it’s that amazing in real life.”

“why thank you.” he leans forward to quickly peck the younger’s cheek, smirking when jongdae becomes flustered. “i’m always going to make you feel like this, huh?”

feigning innocence, jongdae asks, “like what?” 

“flustered... shy, bothered…”

“i get it,” jongdae stops him, “and yes! i told you to warn me.”

“there’s no fun in that,” baekhyun pouts, kissing him on the cheek again, “i cannot help it if you’re being cute.”

jongdae takes a mental note to always be prepared for things like these, seeing as it looks like baekhyun isn’t going to stop anytime soon.

“is my bed comfy? do you need anything else?”

“no no. everything’s great, this is possibly the most comfortable bed i’ve ever slept on.”

“kyungsoo bought this for me; he made the decisions for everything in this house. that tv, the curtains, the floor mats, soap.”

“soap? he does your grocery shopping?”

“no?” baekhyun tilts his head, “i do my own grocery shopping.” oh, jongdae’s surprised about that fa- “online."

“rich people things.”

“you’re well-to-do too, right? i mean… you’re doing well with your company… and lovingbyun…?”

“you do know how much _you_ cost right? paying for korean-based schedules is doable, but i do have to pay for my own flight tickets, concert tickets, spendings when you go on tour.  we work our own jobs. we do make profits from the pictures, the things we sell… some people, like nayeon and bambam, are rich by default, and they don't even need a day job. lucky ones. but a lot of us fork out our own money. i’m sure there are other ways people fund themselves but yeah. ”

“i can fund you, i can be your sugar daddy like you wanted.”

“you wanna be my sugar daddy to fund me, so i can fund you? you know how ironic this is, right?”

_ he’s right.  _

“it’s okay, hyung. i’ve survived without your help for 10 years, i can support myself.”

“i’m still going to spoil you anyway, in other ways, if you know what i mean.” he winks.

“i don’t,” jongdae jokes.

“i can show you.” baekhyun leans in and kisses the corner of his lips.

“i have work, it’s 4am. you don’t need to work, but i do, if you forgot.” he boops the other’s nose and lies down on the bed, “good night baek.”

“good night sweetheart.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! a little note.
> 
> i went on a mini vacation before countries started closing their borders so i’m lucky i was able to get a breather in before everything! i hope you guys are following your countries’ instructions and keeping safe.
> 
> if anyone realised, i usually post every month, almost exactly a month after the last update. however, i’ve been feeling very off mentally and physically for a long while.  
so updates will pause for now. my exams (unfortunately still going to happen) are coming up, so the next update will probably be june/july? or whenever i get my shit together.  
life has been a bit ... dull but stressful so to say. i didn’t plan for this hiatus to happen when i started the story, so sorry about that 🙏🏼
> 
> until then, i hope you guys stay safe & healthy. see you all soon.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a reminder that everything is FICTIONAL and may not be accurate to reality.

“wait, so you both slept together?” chanyeol asks as soon as jongdae finished storytelling his little date-night.

“yeah. no sex, i repeat for the third time so you and your yoda ears can comprehend, we did not have sex.”

the younger self-consciously touched his ears, before asking, “you’re dating now?”

“unfortunately, i don’t have the answer to that either. he said to go with the flow.”

“if i knew, i’d would have suggested taken the day off,” minseok winks.

“it’s good that he rests, they’re coming back soon.”

“oh my god i just realised you would know like... kpop tea now. do you have any?”

“no. not like i want to know anyway.” jongdae’s phone rings just then, and he smiles at the message.

**baekkie**: i hope you have the beeessssttttt day <3 i cannot wait to see u again. hwaiting! ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

as promised, baekhyun drove him home and jongdae reached at 9.57am. he lies down in the bed for a while, content with the past 24 hours or so, before getting up and preparing to go to work. before baekhyun lets him go, however, he had stolen many, many kisses, flustering the younger.

“stop!” jongdae lightly pushes the idol away, giggling, as the latter reaches forward and attempts to place a sloppy peck on his cheek.

“fine!” baekhyun pouts, “you’re so mean.”

“and you haven’t taken a shower. go home and rest well, you deserve it.”

baekhyun nods, still pouting, “wokay.” jongdae tries to suppress his want to kiss the pout away.

he fails.

“earth to kim jongdae~~” minseok sings, “are you done with the jung project?”

he snaps back to reality and nods, “here.” he plucks out the office thumbdrive and passes to his manager. his phone buzzes again, anticipating another text from baekhyun. 

he’s wrong. also, he hadn’t texted the other back.

**jongdae**: thanks hyung :D

he stops, holding the backspace button.

**jongdae**: thank you, hyung!!! :)

yeah, that seems more sincere. _send_.

he opens up the other message.

-the three musketeers-

**bammie**: guys!!! it’s official…. superm is coming back YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

**nayeonnie**: ㅋㅋㅋ like we don’t know it’s coming ;)

**bammie**: we’re doing the set badges gift right???

right, that’s what they decided on. bambam is amazing at art, so he always offers to help draw 3 different designs for them for the gifts on the merch they sell.

**nayeonnie**: yessss!! and lenticular photocards, right?

**bammie**: yep, we have to go all out, as we do (*´∀`*) is dae-hyung okay with it??

**jongdae**: yes! perfect. thanks guys :)

**bammie**: almost done with the designs, i’ll send it to you guys once i’m done ^^

jongdae gets an idea, as he pulls up his conversation with baekhyun.

**jongdae**: wanna help me with lovingbyun? 

he replies not long after.

**baekkie**: DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO ASK!!

**baekkie**: yessss!!!!

**baekkie**: what is it?

**jongdae**: help me pick pictures~ i’ll send you the ones i have in mind. pick two.

**jongdae**: [2 pictures attached]

**jongdae**: [2 pictures attached]

**jongdae**: [2 pictures attached]

**baekkie**: not to toot my own horn, but i look GOOD. like... fucking amazing, wow.

**baekkie**: ahh i cannot pick :((( why do u subject me to this PAIN

**jongdae**: don’t be dramatic ㅋㅋㅋ

**baekkie**: ok imma pee. brb

jongdae reverts back to his laptop again and continues his work before he gets a reply 10 minutes later.

**baekkie**: [2 pictures attached] 

**baekkie**: ok these two :///// icb u asked me to pick. stop being mean. y m i even dating u???????????? ( ︶︿︶)

**jongdae**: YOU asked ME out.

**baekkie**: :(((((((((( u r right. always <3

**jongdae**: hahaha okay, i need to go back to work. ttyl~

**baekkie**: ♡♡♡♡♡♡

* * *

“the photobook came out well,” jongdae flips through the draft-copy their company received from baekhyun’s company, personally delivered by the latter.

“that’s what i get for having the best photographer in seoul~~” he pinches the younger’s cheeks.

jongdae hates that he blushes easily, so when he does, the older cooed even more. 

“don’t need to be humble, dae~ when you’re obviously the best, you need to take credits for it!”

“i’m not the b-” baekhyun didn’t even allow jongdae to finish his sentence as he pecks the other, making the latter blush even more. flipping through, baekhyun asks, “is there any way i can see a little draft of your season’s greetings?”

“oh! so you’re showing me your book so i can show you my calendar?” baekhyun gave him the best puppy eyes he could muster, and jongdae used to think that if he were ever in this situation, he would give in, but no. he wanted the entire thing to be a surprise. so he shakes his head, and his heart acts up even more once baekhyun pulled his ultimate weakness - his pout. he shakes his head even more vigorously this time, causing the older to start whining.

“dae pleaseeeeeee!”

jongdae had to look away, he couldn’t take him any longer, “no, i want it to a surprise! especially for you.”

“aw.” jongdae looks over for one second, and baekhyun was literally a copy of the sad emoji. with the puppy eyes, yes that one.

“here~ i’ll show you the previews first before i post them tonight.” jongdae relents a little, taking out his phone and scrolls through the three musketeers chat, showing baekhyun the calendar and badges designs that bambam had just sent a few hours ago. he sees the other’s eyes light up, pout fading to a smile.

“this is great, jongdae- hey, send me that one in hq please i wanna post it.” he points to a particular picture on the calendar where he was doing his famous body-rolling move in his solo song. jongdae flips open his lovingbyun laptop, covering his screen when he realises that his wallpaper was of baekhyun. everything on his screen was baekhyun-related, even the cursor.

baekhyun whines. jongdae isn’t surprised.

“it’s top-secret.” he pulls up the file from their recent australia tour, specifically melbourne, and then the ‘hq’ folder. “here’s the file. i can upload them on twitter so it doesn’t look sus that you had some special access to these, but lovingbyun hadn’t posted it yet.”

“i _do_ have special access to these,” baekhyun winks as he scrolls through the file. he was obviously impressed by every picture, it beats even the company’s own contracted photographers or media outlets. they weren’t overly edited, but it was edited just enough for them to look good.

“i don’t really edit your pictures much,” ‘because you’re perfect’ remains unsaid (he would only say this about the older to everyone except the man himself), “unless the lighting is bad, then i have to brighten and sharpen you up but don’t worry, i’ve never done too much."

“yes i can tell… you can still see my skin.”

“mhmm, it’s pretty high quality, isn’t it?” baekhyun nods, looking over to see jongdae smiling proudly by himself.

“the camera must cost a lot.”

“yeah, but the lens costs way more. it’s okay though, baekhyunnie is worth it~” he cooes.

“if you need any mone-”

“i don’t.” jongdae did a 180, furrowing his brows at him, and baekhyun apologised. 

jongdae sighs, that must have came out rude. he leans against the other, “it’s okay, i’ll manage, i promise. so which do you like best?”

“i cannot choose, they’re all too good.”

“really?” nothing feels better than your idol saying your work is good, jongdae thinks.

“really. ugh,” baekhyun groans, “i hate that i can’t show you off publicly.” he places his free hand on jongdae’s cheek, caressing it as he opens another folder with jongdae’s permission.

“maybe one day, if we last.”

“if? we will.”

“you’re confident.”

“of course i am, the fans know that one day i’ll have to get married anyway.”

_**marriage?????? MARRIAGE?????** _jongdae’s mind hits the panic button.

“no wait, i didn’t mean to scare you,” he turns towards jongdae. “i’m just saying that you know… fans are accepting… eventually? well i feel like a lot of them are open-minded now, so like in the future… idols can date freely. yeah,” he looks away, “that’s what i meant.”

“oh,” that makes sense, jongdae thinks, “yeah.”

“did i scare you? i’m sorry.”

“no no, it was just a general remark. it’s okay baekkie.”

“okay,” baekhyun exhales, “i like you too much and i’ll beat myself up forever if i managed to screw up even just a little bit.”

“i... i’m not that special.”

“i think you just don’t give yourself enough credit… but it’s okay, that’s what i’m here for.”

“what do you mean?”

“i mean, i’m going to be your little alarm to remind you of how amazing you are.”

_that’s so fucking cheesy_, jongdae thinks. and accidentally says out loud.

“you’re literally the last person that should even be surprised by that fact.” jongdae shrugs at his remark, it’s true, baekhyun was cheesy as fuck, he knew since superm appeared on their very first variety show.

jongdae picks a few of his favourite pictures, since baekhyun couldn’t choose and quickly uploads it on twitter. 

**ding**!

“do you really have lovingbyun on notifications?’ baekhyun nods, “i have you on speed dial too.”

jongdae chuckles, “and what usefulness would i be for you?”

“if i had my way, i’d call you every second of the day.”

“please don’t.”

baekhyun laughs, “you’re so cute.” he taps his phone screen here and there and suddenly, jongdae’s phone lit up too.

“oh you have me on notifications too!” the idol squeals.

“it’s normal! fans have idols’ notifications on all the time!”

“boohoo you have me on notifications!” he leans forward and press kisses to the younger’s cheeks repeatedly.

“aish~ stop it,” jongdae giggles, not making any attempts to stop the other.

“i love you.” 

and the whole world freezes, to jongdae at least.

“too soon?”

“no, i…” he looks at baekhyun, who looked a little sad, but tries not to show it, “i’m sorry, hyung.”

“it’s okay… i-i’ll wait for you,” he pauses, before begging, “please don't leave me."

"hyung," jongdae strokes his cheek, "i will never leave you. what brought this on?"

"which part?" baekhyun still looked sad, and it broke jongdae's heart.

"me leaving you. have i given you any sort of indication?" jongdae held his hands, "i'm not going to leave you, hyung. never."

"i... sorry. just insecure i guess." there must be some backstory there, jongdae knows it, but didn't want to push it further.

baekhyun asks a while after, "if i date someone, would you leave me? if the person i’m dating isn’t you, that is.”

“leave you? like close my fansite? or like... not be your friend anymore?”

“yeah, the first one. i don’t know whether you guys realise… idols do take note of their fansites, you know? _we know_. well not on my kind of level where i heavily pursue the fansite, but yeah. we know.”

another question jongdae wouldn’t hesitate to answer, “no. i’ve always lived by your happiness, if you’ve found someone you love, i’m happy. i’ll never leave you unless there’s personal circumstances that would force me too. as long as i can and am willing to do it, i’ll be your fansite.”

“thanks, i really do appreciate it. but… i’m dating you, so even if you tried, you can’t leave me,” baekhyun jokes, laughing after he sees jongdae rolls his eyes. the latter continues doing his thing on his laptop, while baekhyun scrolls through his sns, replying, tweeting and posting pictures. they both do this in silence for a while, before the idol giggles and his fansite sighs.

“you’re distracting me.”

“you don’t have to reply to my tweets or mention me, you know?”

“i have to, though? you're in the pictures. the fans would've tagged you anyway... and no, _you_ replied to _my_ pictures.”

“i look good.”

“you’re so full of yourself, byun.” loud tapping noises were heard from them both, before baekhyun lets out a huge, exaggerated sigh, and gets up, “brb.”

he comes back soon after, looking at jongdae still trying to do both his professional and fansite work simultaneously, making him smile fondly at the younger. too bad, jongdae doesn’t notice that.

“hey, dae. baby, babe, honey?”

“oh my god, never call me honey.”

“now i’m just going to do it even more. okay, look at me, i have something to say.” baekhyun sits beside jongdae, and the latter gives him his full attention.

“i’m going to be busier from now on, so will you. so… i’m giving you my keys.”

“your… keys? what for?”

“so you can come over anytime you want and we can like… cuddle or what not. we’re not going to see each other often and i wanna make use of every second we can, it’s easier if you can come over, right?”

“uh…”

“too soon? again? listen, just take the keys, if you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to use it. just remember to reply my messages,” baekhyun rapped nervously, and after, pouts at him. honestly who could say no to those puppy eyes?

“fine, i won’t guarantee i’ll use it, though. wait, what about kai?"

"he's barely here. he's the one who suggested to give you an extra set of the keys too. he doesn't mind." kai knew how much jongdae meant to him, so he casually mentions it to the older the day before, and baekhyun hates that he didn't think of it sooner.

"ah i see..." jongdae pauses, "hey listen, i might not even be at every event. i’ll try my best, but i’m abit booked with exoplanet too.”

baekhyun gives the younger a smile, although jongdae realises it doesn't quite reach his eyes (and his heart strains a little), “no worries, again, as long as you pick up my facetime calls.”

“please don’t facetime me every hour.”

“now, that sounds like an invitation.”

* * *

**baekkie**: DID U SEE ,,,,,,!!,,!,,!

**jongdae**: see what?

**baekkie**: my teaser pics. I LOOK SMOKIN !

**jongdae**: never say that again.

**jongdae**: and of course i did. if you had my post notifications on, you’d know.

**baekkie**: i didn’t even know my teasers would be released today ㅋㅋ it’s because of u! <3

**baekkie**: oh my god u said u were scared :/ why are u scared baby boy, tell daddy

**jongdae**: i’m… i’m not going to be the bottom in this relationship.

**baekkie**: we will switch! also, you’re my baby boy… always ♡

**jongdae**: ~(>_<~)

**baekkie**: oh my, isn’t that the cutest thing !

**jongdae**: i see america has rubbed off on you. 

**baekkie**: hehehe so what’s wrong! what are you scared of?

he must’ve been reading his quoted tweets and/or replies, jongdae concludes.

**jongdae**: oh nothing ㅋ it’s just an expression. i always anticipate what your concept is going to be and i’m ‘scared’ of what it’ll be, in a good way ㅋㅋ don’t worry, baekhyun.

**baekkie**: why don’t u call me cute names! like baby, bubs, bb, sweetie… i’ll even settle for honey~

**jongdae**: isn’t that yixing-hyung’s song?ㅋㅋ

**baekkie**: oh right hehe i forgot ^^

**baekkie**: ok i gtg :( ttyl soon love ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

**jongdae: **have a good night :)

jongdae sighs, what has his life comes to? he downloads all 5 teaser pictures at one go, edits them by removing all the words on it, and tada! new headers, new profile pictures, new layout. he decides to edit his website too, making it cleaner and much easier to navigate (not like it’s already enough) and uploads new pictures in celebration for baekhyun’s teasers being released.

he leans back onto the sofa and thinks, does he love baekhyun the way baekhyun loves him? like screw idol-fansite relationships, it’s just him, kim jongdae, and byun baekhyun now. how does he feel?

the laptop screen infront of him changes for a second, before his screensaver pictures came up. wait, since when did he replace his baekhyun pictures with these? by _these_, he meant, the many selcas scrolling through by themselves of him and baekhyun?

ah, nevermind, he found his answer.

he chuckles through every single picture that came up, jongdae just normally smiling in most of them since 70% of the time, baekhyun takes a selca too quickly, so he just smiles. the other pictures though, they either had matching faces, crossed-eyed once, and even them in masks that baekhyun conveniently had in his house. he realises that their relationship did grow steadily, albeit slowly, but it’s only been a couple of months, and they’ve been hanging out quite often too. he was comfortable with the way things were, but soon, he knows, baekhyun would be busy, how would that change?

his phone lights up, a message from bambam in their group chat.

**nayeonnie**: kai is flying out to milan but i can’t go :((( is anyone free? his flight’s tomorrow at 1.50pm, so he’s going to come around around 12.

he pulls out his schedule, oh, he’s free, so he offers his help. nayeon thanks him profusely and promises to treat him soon. jongdae ensures his camera and back-up batteries were charged, and his memory cards with enough storage for tomorrow, before he decides to call it a night.

* * *

“jongin-ah!” “KIM JONGIN!”

loud screaming could be heard, so he stands on the stool he brought, a little further away from the crowd, and where jongin would be walking past, but close enough where he knows he’d still get good pictures. the second he sees jongin’s bag, he raises his camera, and quickly snaps what it always feels like 100 shots a second. jongin came out of the car and stands still for a while, so pictures could be taken. he starts walking down, and jongdae continues snapping, and as jongin turns around to greet the fans as he usually does, his eyes widen at the sight of the familiar figure, and he waves towards what jongdae felt was towards his direction, so out of reflex he waves back. jongin stops in his steps again so everyone could get some good shots in, before bowing one last time, waving, before heading into the airport.

as per the rules the three musketeers made, neither of them would go into the airport to chase their idols for pictures. instead, they’d stay their distance, and made sure they took separate earlier flights, if they could, or if they were to end up on the same flights as their idols, to not approach them. really, they just didn’t want to get onto the list of the company’s blacklisted fansites.

he heaves a sigh of relief, these things could be thrilling and exciting, but exhausting, even if it’s just for a few minutes. he packs up quickly and heads to the office, and on his way there, he sends nayeon some pictures she could put up for previews, before sending her all the high quality pictures in time for his 3pm meeting. it wasn’t until the meeting was done 2 hours later, that he realised the 260+ messages from the group chat and about 20 from baekhyun.

**nayeonnie**: oppa??????? OPPA??????? 

**nayeonnie**: the PICTURES??????

jongdae panics, were something wrong with them? did he accidentally send his sex tape? wait, he doesn’t have one.

**nayeonnie**: OPPA THE PICTUREES???/

**nayeonnie**: HE’S LOOKING AT U BRIGHTLY AND WAVING ??? DIRECTLY AT YOU?????? LIKE HE KNOWS YOU?????

**nayeonnie**: THESE ARE THE BEST PICTURES EVER AND I DIDN’T EVEN TAKE THEM ?

**nayeonnie**: I’m going to give you credits, these are so goodㅠㅠ

**nayeonnie**: oppppaaaaaaaaaaaaa i cannot believe he recognized you, but you’re not even his fansite?? ㅠㅠ

**nayeonnie**: i’m so jeaLOUS SOBS ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

**bammie: **SHOW ME

**nayeonnie: **[43 pictures attached]

**nayeonnie: **i edited them BUT IT’S STILL SO GOOD BEFORE THE EDITING

**bammie: **OHHHHHH HE LOOKS LIKE HE REALLY DID RECOGNIZE U?/// HYUNG

**nayeonnie: **maybe dae-oppa is workingㅋㅋ

the next few… hundreds of messages were both of them freaking out, and they even found videos from the official media outlets of jongin’s face immediately lighting up once he turns towards jongdae’s direction. well, that sure isn’t subtle at all, kim jongin. he opens up his conversation with baekhyun.

**baekkie: **kai said he saw you!!!

**baekkie: **hehe he said you were obvious ㅋㅋ he was so happy to see you there!

**baekkie: **ooo the photos are really nice, ur friend mentioned u hehehehe my boyfriend is so talented :(

**baekkie: **i miss u :(((( so much :( i cannot believe jongin gets to see u without ME! >:(

**baekkie: **i cannot believe he gets to see u BEFORE me :( 

**baekkie: **i miss u so much my heart hurts :((

**baekkie: **you’re probably at work but can i still facetime u?

[missed facetime call (3)]

**baekkie: **daeeeeee where r u :((

**baekkie: **my hearts feels empty with u~~

**baekkie: [audio message 3:14] **what words can i use to explain this feeling? how can i look at you so you’ll know my heart? as i go through the seasons with you, walk with you, and slowly get to know you. wherever you are i am loving you, i won’t rush you, i’ll protect you from behind you~

he continues the song till the end, ending it with a ‘jongdae-yah~ pick up your phone~’ the receiver would be lying if he said that didn’t make him smile and blush the entire time. jongdae decides to facetime call baekhyun on his own anyway, and of course, he picks it up at the second ring.

“baby~ why didn’t you pick up your phone!!” baekhyun whines through the call, pouting.

“i was in a meeting, hyung. then i came on my phone with hundreds of messages from nayeon and bambam and some from you. what song were you singing?”

“oh,” baekhyun chuckles, “you’ll see soon~”

“you just leaked your entire song to me? well, it won’t be different from you leaking un village on your live stream.”

“you only live once, right?” he jokes back before continuing, “how was your day?”

“well, you know how i spent my morning. came straight to work, had a 2-hour meeting, and i’m here in my office calling you. i haven’t even replied to the group chat yet. how was yours?”

“just had some vocal training, lunch, practice… same old boring idol life. jongin said that it was really nice to see you at the airport today.”

“yeah, he waved at my direction, but hadn’t realised that he’d recognized me.” 

“didn’t wear a mask, today?”

“yeah, i didn’t. i forgot.” it isn't everyday he forgets his mask, but then again he was in a rush, thank goodness his hoodie covered a little bit of his face today though.

“yes, baby, show everyone how beautiful you are!” baekhyun hyped his boyfriend up, chuckling. “i miss you~~”

“i miss you too, baek.”

pouting, baekhyun says softly, “you’re never calling me sweet names, right?”

“i can try, but it’ll take me a while.”

“you don’t have to force yourself.”

“when’s your next schedule?” jongdae smiles into the phone, changing the subject.

“like you don’t know.” it was a small press conference for their upcoming superm online series, limited seats; but it wasn’t like jongdae could go anyway, he had his own schedule with other client.

“i don’t know, mr byun, please enlighten me.”

“hmmm, i wonder if my favourite fansite is going to be there~”

“oh. who’s your favourite?”

“their name’s lovingbyun.”

“i’m afraid i’ve never heard of them.”

“really? if i ever met them, i’ll tell them how much i love them, oh, and their photos of course.”

“brave of you, mr byun.”

“why thank you, mr kim,” baekhyun paused, “is this going to be our thing because i’m…” jongdae hears the other become breathless, and naturally worries.

“baek? are you alright?”

“i…,” baekhyun sighs, “wait.” jongdae hears him exhale heavily before he speaks again, “yeah, am fine.”

_ oh _. “are you like… turned on by this…?”

“what?! no!” baekhyun immediately replies, “unless…?”

ohmygod. “i... no… but i… i can help you with it, if you want…?”

“oh fuck, dae, i’m so sorry, baby. i didn’t mean to like… force you into anything. no, fuck, sorry!”

“no, no baek. i want to.”

“no, seriously… i, i don’t want our first time to be like this…”

“like this?”

“like… not face-to-face.”

“this is sort of… face to face, right?”

“are you sure?” baekhyun mumbles softly.

“only if you’re sure.”

neither knew how to do it since it was both their first times, but somehow, some way, since their end goal was the same, they’ve managed to end the call, sated and happy (if you don't remind them of all the awkwardness).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello~   
a lil' late but congratulations to jongdae and his family! jongdae has been a blessing in my life, and i'm excited he has gained another one. wishing the kim family the best always <3  
so with everything gg on,,,,, my exams were cancelled and postponed to online ones in july ;-; which means even sloooweeerrr updates ;-; sorry! i'll try my best. i'm trying to finish my other got7 one first before continuing this!  
also! i made another ao3 acc, solely for my ao3 fics :)  
[same name,](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnysidechen/pseuds/sunnysidechen) and i've already posted fluffy chensoo if you're into that pairing! or fluffy fluff fluff. it's easier for me to write fluffy one-shots than chaptered plot-heavy stories sigh !!!
> 
> anyway, rlly sorry for the slower updates, but exams are beyond my control so !  
please stay safe & healthy in this trying times. ^^ and if there are any muslim readers like me, happy ramadan! :)
> 
> (p.s. i wrote this chapter last year so it really is a coincidence and ironic that fic!jongdae is freaking out about marriage when real!jongdae is already hitched hahaha)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IN HONOUR OF JONGDAE SHOWING UP TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE IS A NEW CHAPTER EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU MR KIM CHEN !!!!!!

“where’s jongdae?”

“getting ready,” kyungsoo sighs, “you’re both clingy as hell. wait, no, _ you’re _clingy as hell.” they were at the very last meeting right before the photobook would be released for pre-order in a few days. they had to make sure every single picture was amazing on paper, before sending it for printing. chanyeol had another event to take pictures for, so he couldn’t come.

baekhyun really tries his best not to whine, and looks at the door, waiting for someone (jongdae) to come in. someone did eventually come in, but it was only minseok. he pouts.

“relax,” minseok chuckles at baekhyun’s reaction, “he’s right behind, he needed to pee.”

“whatever,” he sulks, no one understand that they hadn’t seen each other for four days. **four** . the door opens again, and finally, _ finally _, jongdae comes in, and baekhyun almost cries of joy.

“my baby~” he spreads his arms and his boyfriend falls into it, giggling, “you’re so dramatic, baek.” the older didn’t care though, as he peppers kisses to the other’s cheeks.

“he was sulking when i came in, and not you,” minseok exposes him, making baekhyun hug jongdae much tighter, “i just really miss my boyfriend, what’s wrong with that?”

“i miss my husband too, but you don’t see me that clingy.”

“are you lying to yourself now?” jongdae challenges, “the amount of times i’ve cau-”

“enough!” minseok clears his throat, “anyway, you’ve all heard of kris wu, right?” kris is a multi-talented chinese artist; he can do just about anything: singing, rapping, dancing, acting, modelling, you name it, he can do it.

baekhyun hums, “briefly, why?”

“somehow, junmyeon, my husband’s secretary, bumped into him at some cafe, kris took notice of him, and really went all out for him, almost baekhyun’s stalking-level, and one day, he just showed up at luhan’s office and asked him out.”

“hyung said yes?” jongdae asks.

“have you not seen kris? he’s intimidating as hell, i would say yes too.”

“don’t let luhan-hyung hear that.”

“he said he would’ve said yes too. kris wu is that scary.”

“oh well, let’s hope this kris guy is nice. myeon-hyung deserves the best, he’s getting old.” baekhyun just listens to his boyfriend fondly, and he wonders how he has gotten so lucky.

“byun, stop getting distracted, let’s start.”

the meeting lasted two hours, jongdae wanting to do some edits here and there, before baekhyun finally called it, “dinner?”

kyungsoo starts packing up, “yeah, i can use some food an -”

“not you kyungsoo. i meant a date with my boyfriend.” he doesn’t wait for jongdae to react and just takes his hand, “see you tomorrow kyungs! remember to use protection!” they left the room before either of their managers can reply, but jongdae stops short.

“didn’t kyungsoo-ssi drive you here?” shit.

“glad someone realises they didn’t come here with their audi,” kyungsoo catches up, minseok at his tail. “i’ll drop you off wherever you want first before i go.”

baekhyun gasps, “let’s go to your house! i’ve never seen it.”

“wait, i was going to their apartment,” kyungsoo blurted out a little too quickly.

minseok gasps, “oh my god you’re both still boning.”

“no one says _ boning _anymo-”

“wait, you guys fucked in my home?”

“it’s also chanyeo-”

“wait, you have a boyfriend and you didn’t tell me?”

“FOR FUCKS SAKE, LET A MAN TALK!” kyungsoo raged, ears red, before clearing his throat and straightening himself up, “yes, we’re still… sleeping together. that’s it.”

“that’s it?? dude, i’ve know chanyeol for years and he was never a friends with benefits guy. when he goes in, he goes _ in _ . his last relationship lasted _ 5 years _. they only broke up because his ex had to move away.”

minseok agrees with jongdae, “he doesn’t do one night stands either. he is one of the most committed people i know.”

“stop guys, you’re scaring my soosoo-bear here,” baekhyun leans toward jongdae, “soosoo doesn’t commit.”

kyungsoo huffed, “stop calling me that.”

“i think… you should talk to chanyeol about this,” jongdae advised.

“how? just go up and tell him ‘hey i don’t want a relationship with you? i just want to fuck you balls deep and get on with our lives like we don’t know each other’?”

_“wait you top?” “i don’t want to know who fucks who.”_

“we switch. anyway, that’s besides the point,” kyungsoo adjusts his glasses, “it’s casual. i know it, he knows it.”

jongdae hums, “does he though?” kyungsoo just glares at him a little longer, before mumbling, “let’s just go.”

they made a compromise; chanyeol and kyungsoo gets baekhyun’s house, _ you know _, after kyungsoo argues his case over why baekhyun’s apartment was much better than his own (don’t worry, there is an extra room just for him), while baekdae (as baekhyun named themselves) gets jongyeol’s (again, baekhyun, but jongdae mentions it doesn’t have a nice ring to it like baekdae) apartment. baekhyun even threw in his whole kitchen, just so long as kyungsoo stocks up after (basically asking him to do his job).

it’s modest, baekhyun had commented. jongdae explains they had wanted their apartment to be minimalistic, but elegant. that was why their $749 couch was covered with at least 4 daiso blankets.

_ “if you’re going to cover it anyway, why buy such an expensive couch?” _

baekhyun coincidentally brought not only some pajamas, but an extra set of clothes for tomorrow. yes, mere coincidence. he also finds that chanyeol wasn’t over-exaggerating - their apartment was filled with naturalskin products, and he was still shocked jongdae didn’t get in.

“people actually buy a shit ton of this stuff?”

“yeah. well, some less than others, but their luck is much better i guess,” jongdae shrugs, picking up a bottle of tea tree toner, “want one?”

he doesn’t need it, but takes it anyway, “please tell me you have some sort of cult room for me. please.”

“i have a room… my own editing room with like… a lot of your stuff.” the idol immediately got to work, opening all the doors in the house, finally landing in his lovingbyun room after making a verbal note to enter jongdae’s later.

“mine is embarrassing as compared to yours.” the room was really, nothing much. there’s an expensive-looking desktop, and a shelf beside it with many storage boxes, labelled. 

“minseok hyung did these. trust me when i say the room used to be much messier than this.” baekhyun looks over the boxes, some labelled ‘camera stuff’, ‘fansupport’, ‘superm’, and even one had ‘baekhyun’. 

“what’s in my box?” 

“open it, i don’t remember either.” baekhyun does, and it’s filled with his solo albums, as well as some merchandise his company produced - idols don’t keep track of that. jongdae looks into the box as well, and says, “ah, i don’t have the space to display everything so…”

on the other side of the room, was a large display case, full of albums (again), photocards that had been framed and what baekhyun can recognize, the balls they usually throw into the audience during concerts. it was labelled too, but with those legit, engraved gold-plated labels. there was even a towel, leaning in, he reads, ‘we are the future tour in singapore 04.09.20’.

“you were at the singapore stop?”

“of course, i thought you would know considering you have me on notifications? also, i’ve always wanted to visit the country so it was nice,” he sighs, “this is so embarrassing. your own idol seeing all this is so weird.”

“no, fuck. fuck, sorry for cursing but uh-” baekhyun pauses to find his words, “i’m embarrassing. even if the roles were reversed, your setup is much less… stalker-ish than mine.” it’s true, there were really only a few posters on the wall, versus baekhyun’s walls being entirely filled with slogans of himself, and frames he bought off of lovingbyun.

“hyung,” jongdae says fondly, he held the other’s hands that were on his face to cover himself, “it’s alright. it’s not creepy to me, i promise. it’s weird at first, i’ll have to admit it - but it’s only because i never thought you’d ever recognise me, ever. i’m honoured that you find my photos and me worthy enough for you.” baekhyun was still looking down in shame, and jongdae realises there’s only one solution; so he tilts the other’s chin up, and leans forward.

the thing is, jongdae has never initiated physical contact with the other first until today. it was always baekhyun, despite them having countless cuddling and makeout sessions already. so when jongdae captures the other’s lip, it’s safe to say baekhyun was caught off-guard for the next minute or so, which caused jongdae to pull away in confusion. usually, he’d you know… respond, but baekhyun didn’t, and jongdae starts to panic.

“no, no, i’m just shocked that you kissed me,” he explains, smiling widely, “do it again.” jongdae chuckles, internally cooing over his boyfriend before leaning in again. this time, baekhyun responds favourably as he drags them both to the chair nearby, pushing jongdae down and the former straddles him.

pulling away, baekhyun whispered breathlessly, “hi.” jongdae has always thought that he’s beautiful, and he doesn’t think he’d get more gorgeous each time, but this, baekhyun on top of him, just as flustered, takes the cake. how did he get so lucky?

“hi.” baekhyun pecks his nose,”you’re amazing. how did i get so lucky?”

“i’ve been wondering the same thing.” they both closed in again, losing themselves in the moment when they just had to address the elephant (or two) in the room.

“let’s... not do this here.” jongdae stands up, easily carrying baekhyun with him and of course, the latter’s impressed, “someone’s been going to the gym.”

“no gym for me, you’d get used to it carrying heavy equipments and running everywhere.” baekhyun wraps his legs onto the other, as jongdae carried them into his bedroom and he gently puts the older onto the bed.

jongdae pulls away, “are you sure you want this? wait, we’re on the same page right?” 

“of course i want this, do you?”

jongdae hopes the kiss he gave after answers his question.

  
  


fast forward three hours later, two men were sated, satisfied, tired, yet the happiest they’ve been in their lives, as they settled down for some sleep after baekhyun forced themselves to have a quick shower (read: round 3). 

“how was it?” jongdae asks, throwing his arm over his boyfriend’s bare upper half.

“mm, a bit sore, but that’s because it’s been a while. also, you’ve probably the bigg-”

“okay, hyung, got it,” jongdae inhales the scent of his shampoo that baekhyun used, “thank you.” 

“next time, my turn.” baekhyun squeezes both of them together as much as he can, and although they’re more or less the same height, he likes to be the small spoon, inserting himself into the crook of jongdae’s neck.

“next time, huh? bold.”

“of course.” it was silent for a bit, before baekhyun continues, “it’s been 3 months since we started dating. our 100-day is coming up, what should we do?”

“won’t you be busy with superm’s comeback?”

fuck, “i forgot. shit, should we celebrate earlier?”

“sure. i don’t think you have any public schedule until… next thursday? weekly idol, right?”

“how do you know? i didn’t even know. i only know about the party for the photobook.”

“nayeon told us.”

“she must’ve a lot of insiders.”

“yeah, none of the illegal info, though. just official schedules.”

“you can confirm my schedule with kyungsoo. i just go with the flow, he only tells me my schedule the night before.”

“okay. you know what? i’ll plan something. you deserve it.”

baekhyun groans, “i’m the luckiest boyfriend ever. i must have killed a villain and saved millions of lives in my past life to deserve you.”

“so cheesy. i never thought things would be this way.”

“me either. i impulsively decided to take some ballsy and very risky moves to get to you and i’m glad i did. do you want to know what kyungsoo said when i presented to him the company i wanted to hire?” jongdae nods. “you told me your name during fansigns right? but i didn’t get your surname so i asked kyungsoo to look through the winner’s list. then you mentioned chanyeol once, googled you up, really, it’s so easy to find you - and tada! so i showed kyungsoo, and he,” baekhyun stops to chuckles, “he sighed, smacked my head with his ipad and called me crazy. now, we’re here!!”

“i feel like you’re missing a few significant moments there, but since you’re cute, i’ll forgive you.” baekhyun pouts at that.

“kyungsoo’s a great manager - you can tell him that by the way, he knows. so he pulled through and got approval from the higher-ups, and contacted minseok. our managers devised a plan to ambush you, and now we’re here!” 

“our managers are evil.”

“they are, but we love them the same. they led us to each other.” baekhyun leans in to peck jongdae on the lips.

“i can’t believe your company decides to release your photobook and the new album at the same time,” jongdae sighs, “double the work & double the money for me.”

“aw my baby~ this is why i love you sooooo much~” baekhyun cooed.

“okay okay, go to sleep, hyung. you’re too cheesy at this am.” baekhyun hums at that, really, he’s not that tired.

“do you think we’re going to last forever?”

“and what brought that on?”

the older sighed, “i don’t know. just thinking about the future.” he paused to chuckle, “who am i kidding? you haven’t even said the three words yet.”

jongdae tenses at that, baekhyun feels it, and regrets almost immediately after he says it.

“hyung, i… i do. i do feel the same way bu-”

“i know, not in the same way i do. nono, sorry, i didn’t mean i don’t exp-” baekhyun rushes out.

“no, hyung! you didn’t let me finish.” he pauses, recollecting all his thoughts. “hyung, i feel the same way. really. but you have to realise that we started off as an idol-fan relationship. it’s really hard for me to adjust into thinking of you as a boyfriend and a lover because i’m still thinking of you as my idol. it’s really easier said than done, hyung. i’ve been feeling so… guilty ever since you first said it to me and the many times after that. i felt guilty that i’ve been wanting to say it back, but i can’t. to me, you’re still someone i can’t attain, someone that i love as an idol, someone too good for me. heck, i don’t even tell you those three words to you as a fan before. it still feels weird, but i swear i’m trying. i promise i’m trying, i genuinely feel the same way you do, and i really want to say those 3 words as your lover and not just a fan, but it’s not easy. and i’m sorry.” jongdae gets up and announces he’ll sleep on the couch, leaving baekhyun alone with his thoughts.

jongdae sighs as he pulls out a spare blanket and prepares himself to sleep at his couch. he feels bad for spilling all his feelings at once on such a… crucial night, but he’s been feeling burdened ever since baekhyun had said the three words. he knew he reciprocated the same feelings, but it’s just so hard to verbalize out. ‘god, i’m such a shitty boyfriend,’ jongdae thinks, baekhyun is definitely going to break up with him and it’ll be so awkward to go for fansigns now. that must mean he has to close the fa-

the bedroom door suddenly opens. 

jongdae pretends to be asleep, not wanting to make any awkward eye contact or conversation with baekhyun, only to feel a weight above him approximately 7 seconds later.

“i’m sorry, dae. i... i thought i needed some assurance, but i didn’t realise how the weight of my words could affect you. i’m sorry, baby. i love you, and i know that you love me too. and that’s more than enough.” jongdae hears the other sniffle, and the older apologising over and over again, before a light snore coming from him.

_ ‘i love you, and i know that you love me too. and that’s more than enough.’ _ jongdae hopes it really is.

* * *

“good morning.”

“good morning, hyung.”

“i made breakfast… if that’s okay with you.”

jongdae nods, “i heard what you said last night.”

“oh.” baekhyun plates another egg on his own as he sits across from jongdae.

“thank you. and i’m sorry too.”

“no dae, i’m sorry. i really shouldn’t have made that comment, and now we had our first fight because of me.”

“hyung, don’t say that.”

“it’s true, dae. god, why do i have to be like this? kai always tells me i’m too clingy, too forward…”

“hyung, seriously. it’s not a big deal. didn’t you say it yourself; whatever we both feel for each other, it’s more than enough.”

“yo-you’re right. i’m sorry.”

“don’t be sorry. don’t beat ourselves up for it. we should really stop apologising to each other, because there’s nothing to be sorry for. we have each other, and that’s perfect.”

“you’re perfect and i lo-” baekhyun stops, promising himself to stop this bad habit.

“no, baek, you can say it. i know that’s just how you show your love, and i welcome it.”

baekhyun stares at him puppy-eyed, “are you sure?” jongdae nods. his boyfriend is seriously too adorable for his own good.

“your company just released the pre-order links for your album. how many should i get?”

“40?”

“how broke is your company?” jongdae jokes, “since there are two versions, usually 1 out of 2 photocards for each ver… done. 4 albums.”

“just 4? didn’t you say you get bulks of it?”

“through group orders, yeah. i’ll get them when they open up for fansigns. you buy from the shop they advertised directly and submit your fansign chances. this is for my own personal collection, which i’ll sell anyway since if i’m attending your fansigns, i’ll keep those instead.”

“confusing... but okay. i don’t really know or decide all these things.”

“mmm,” jongdae sips his drink, “i’ve already ordered 3 of your photobooks, of pictures i took, because of the photocards that came with it, one of which looks like a photo i look, and the other 2, selcas.” he shows his boyfriend the preview that was uploaded the night before, “so weird buying my own prints when i literally have it here for free.”

“you know you’ll get a signed one from me anyway… right? the agency will give you one for free too, since like you said, you birthed these photos. you’re ridiculous for buying 3 of them.”

“it’s fine. this shows my love for you and your bank account. must be nice to have a sugar daddy, huh?” baekhyun blushes at the light mention, which jongdae belatedly realises could have a double innuendo, but smiles it off anyway.

“wouldn’t your friends find out you took my pictures?”

right. “well yeah, but fans usually don’t care enough about that. they’ll look for my sns, which i don’t have any except for lovingbyun. at most they’ll get my name… and i don’t use it for the fansite. you can check what will come up when you search my name.”

baekhyun actually does it, and it only came up under exoplanet, as well as his own personal website where he uploads his portfolio. little to no personal information was found, not even a picture of his face. the profile picture on his website was a black and white picture of a flower. he scrolls through the website, he has been on it before of course, when he was stalking researching for photographers for his photobook. there were more pictures this time, probably from his recent clients, and this got him wondering, “will you be uploading my pictures onto here?”

“of course,” jongdae smiles widely and baekhyun wants to capture it for the rest of his life, “in fact, do you want to pick the pictures with me?” the latter gasps.

they ended up picking photos out for 20 minutes before baekhyun got a little restless, opting instead to make out with his boyfriend for about an hour till they were very, unfortunately disrupted by their best friends. kyungsoo was freaking out because of chanyeol, and chanyeol was angry at kyungsoo. baekhyun and jongdae both had to listen to their friends complain on the phone, but somehow managed to kiss a little here and there while on the phone.

“are you listening to me, byun?!?! park was being ridiculous, right? how dare he fuc-” baekhyun hums at the right moments as his friend continues, and it wasn’t because of kyungsoo, no. he just fucking loves kissing his boyfriend.

“we slept with each other like what? 10 times? i thought he would be open up to -” jongdae at least, tries to listen to chanyeol, while also keeping up with his boyfriend. 

in the end, kyungsoo forces baekhyun to come home, while chanyeol barges out back home in anger. baekhyun doesn’t want to leave, knowing the next time they see each other was going to be a while, since he’ll be busy practicing for their comeback. jongdae assures him that yes, he will pick up his calls as often as he can, and that he’ll try and attend as many fansigns as he can. although not fully reassured, he nods anyway, kisses the other goodbye one last time before leaving the apartment.

“i asked him on a date, jongdae! just. a. date. and he freaked out? like when completely crazy and berserk that we ended up having a huge argument mid-*** and i lost all my momentum.”

“ok tmi.”

“and he was like ‘oh i don’t want a relationship, i’m too busy for that. i’m not looking to settle down in the near future blah blah.’ like ho-ney, i’m just asking you on a date, not proposing to you,” chanyeol sassed, “if he didn’t want to, he could’ve just said no.”

“maybe he knows you were going to convince him to go on a date.”

“yeah, but if he says no, i wouldn’t push him, okay?! yet we went on to this overblown argument that doesn’t even make sense in the first place!!”

“so like what? you’re not all FWB anymore?”

“i don’t mind the sex but damn, i don’t even want to deal with his petty ass anymore. god, i can look for another guy out there like him…”

“okay... i should’ve warned you that he didn’t want any like long-term commitments…”

“you knew?!”

“yeah, but i only found out literally an hour before he met you! i didn’t even know you were going to shoot your shot.”

“well, there is no right time than the present? so i just said screw it!” chanyeol groans, “i needed the ***.”

“you could’ve asked after the session but aite.”

“so what should i do?”

“what do you mean what should you do? like your options are limited, yeol. talk to him or don’t.”

“i don’t want to talk to him if he’s gonna get mad.” 

jongdae sighs, “baek will talk to him, don’t worry.”

just then his phone buzzes, lo and behold, it was his boyfriend.

**baekkie**: soo exhausted himself to sleep LOL but yeah how is it on your side

**jongdae**: he’s tilted that he had asked him on a date mid-*** and he’s still *****

**baekkie**: i fully relate :(((((((((

**baekkie**: i miss you :(

**jongdae**: me too. what did kyungsoo say??

**baekkie**: he didn’t want to settle down. anyway, told him chanyeol had only asked him on a date, nothing too serious about that

**baekkie**: he overreacted, i admit, even if he’s my manager.

**jongdae**: yeol said the same thing. is it too much if i ask why he’s so… sensitive to relationships or commitments? there must be a reason why he reacted like that.

**baekkie**: he said it’s because of me. aish, should i just fire him?

**jongdae**: no! i’m sure he can allocate his time wisely if he wants to, he’s old enough.

**baekkie**: yeah….

**baekkie**: well. doesn’t matter, gonna force him to snap out of it, when he wakes up of course.

**jongdae**: okay. thanks.

* * *

‘okay. thanks’ _ that’s it _????? he didn’t even bother continuing the conversation. even when baekhyun texts that he misses him, he only replies with a ‘me too’. couldn’t he have typed it out like he did? maybe jongdae thinks he’s not worth it enough for a proper ‘i miss you.’ baekhyun sighs. he hates feeling like this - feeling so… inadequate for jongdae. he knows he is, but to actually feel and see it right in your face kinda hurts more, he thinks. was he really not good enough for jongdae? or will jongdae only ever feel like their relationship is only a fan-idol one? will jongdae ever see him as more than an idol? 

he groans loudly on the sofa, just as kai came in through the front door.

“wow, trouble in paradise?”

“shut up. where have you been?”

“where else?”

“soojung-ie? you’re back together?”

kai smirks, “mhm. she forgave me. then we made up.” he looks towards the guest room, “he’s here?”

“kyungsoo is. whole-ass argument with chanyeol, cockblocked by my own manager.”

“the best kind,” kai shrugged, “i would know. but what’s up with you, bacon?”

baekhyun sighs dramatically, “i don’t think jongdae would ever fall in love with me.”

“and what makes you think that?”

“we had a whole talk… about saying i love you and stuff. he says he’s not ready, and i’m fine with that… but in return, i’m just feeling more doubtful, more insecure about myself… like i’m not worthy of him and he knows it.”

“so let’s say you’re right, why do you think he decided to be your fan though? not me, mark, ten… but baekhyun? and he dedicates his life to you.”

“does the fan-idol like, i want him to like me romantically, like i want to feel like his actual boyfriend,” baekhyun sat up, “i feel like it’s a one-sided relationship and i’ll forever be byun baekhyun the idol, not byun baekhyun his boyfriend.” kai gets it, he really does. 

he knows how hard it is to be in a relationship as an idol. getting a significant other is easy, maintaining it is a different level, especially if the other half isn’t a celebrity. of course, the backlash is more obvious if it was a celebrity pairing, but he’s seen how obsessive fans can get when they don’t know who their idol’s girl/boyfriend is. there is no sense of privacy, and it doesn’t only stop there; even their families get affected. as an idol, sure, it should still be important, but it comes with the job that there your privacy will be broken into, so to say. in short, yes you can still have a private life, but it isn’t as secure with the job. 

back to maintaining the relationship, people would be on your tail, unfortunately. everyone loves drama, after all, right? it was easier for kai, he admits, krystal is a model too, so they both understood how their relationship would work in this industry.

with a non-celebrity like jongdae, they might not understand. sure, celebrities are still humans too, but the fact that their lives are much more public than usual, they might never get used to it. it may take a toll on their relationship, it’s harder to maintain it… kai has seen his friends gone through relationships like these because their non-celebrities didn’t like the nature of the relationship, it’s normal and understandable.

“you cannot help that he’s always going to think of you as an idol, he is _ your _fan after all. and the only reason why you knew about each other is because of what you do.”

“i know that. but would it be too much to ask him to think of me as his boyfriend too?”

“and you think that is easy?” kai chuckles, “you’re asking someone who idolises you to suddenly think of you as a boyfriend. it’s weird, hyung. it’s also hard. you have to remember he is not in your shoes, and you wouldn’t know how he fee-”

“he says he feels the same, he just can’t say it… he feels like i’m still someone he cannot attain and -” ding, kai was right.

“can you really blame him? literally the entire country, probably half the world knows who you are, and for someone… normal to even have a chance with you, it’s almost unbelievable.”

baekhyun doesn’t get it, what’s so different about dating him than someone else? he’s a normal human being too.

“you’re normal hyung,” kai supplies, “just a normal _ idol _ , a little different than the majority, and that’s _ okay _. it’s not you but it’s not him too. it’s just… it needs some time to get used to, okay? jongdae hyung will come to. don’t lose sleep over it.”

_ baekhyun thinks it’s too late for that. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual, everything is fictional ~~  
i was thinking when i should upload this but today is a good day, so TODAY <3
> 
> i hope everyone stays safe! :) 
> 
> https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise update! i wasn't gg to update but since i've been progressing well in the story, i thought why not? it's also my birthday, so i'm gifting this for y'all to enjoy! i also uploaded another chapter for my chensoo fic on sunnysidechen so if you're into that!!!

“what’s wrong with you today, byun?” their choreographer scolds, forcing the entire group to restart their choreo.

“tired, sorry.”

“you’re the leader, set some good examples for your juniors.” he signals for the music to start again, and baekhyun tries, tries not to screw up, but in the end, the choreographer gives up and asks everyone to come back in 3 hours. ‘hopefully that’s more than enough for a nap,’ he had said, before leaving the practice room.

baekhyun decides to take his things and retreats to one of the studios - they’re the darkest rooms in the entire building, sound-proof too. before he exits through, kai pulls on his arm, “seriously, don’t lose sleep over it.”

he couldn’t help it, worrying about something so… small like this must seem ridiculous to everyone else. but no, this is the exact kind of thing baekhyun worries about: never being good enough.

it’s not a newfound thing he discovered when jongdae and him started dating. oh no. _it wemt way back._

naturally, sibling rivalry. he only has one older brother, but he feels like baekbeom is more than enough. straight a’s, president of at least 7 clubs in university, a 4.32 gpa (and that’s not even good enough for him). it doesn’t help that baekbeom was 8 years older, so he was definitely more advanced in life than baekhyun by default. weirdly enough, unlike a lot of the stereotypical asian parent, his parents never pressured him nor compared both sons with each other. baekbeom never ridiculed him either. in fact, his hyung does take care of him well.

but as it goes, baekhyun puts this pressure on himself. no matter how much he studies, he’s an average c-student. he doesn’t need his family to be disappointed in him when he could do it himself on their behalf. sure, he games, like any other middle-schooler, but he reckons he games much more after he became an idol. 

when he decided to be an idol, his mother passed out of shock, and his father, too worried about his wife, barely said anything.

‘can you even sing?’ baekbeom had asked. _ god _ , baekhyun thinks, _ what was he thinking?! _ he guesses that he could sing, but he’d never be as amazing or worthy as anybody else. _ god, they must think he’s a joke! he’d never make it out alive! _

what baekhyun doesn’t know was that baekbeom was asking him genuinely; with baekhyun locking himself up in his room all the time, of course no one knew he could sing. but no, in the youngest byun’s mind - he’s _horrible_.

(until he gets into one of the best entertainment agencies in south korea.)

then it gets worse. everyone there was extremely talented. well, they did have much longer training than him, so baekhyun knew he needed to work 5 times harder to catch up to them. which meant staying up late practicing, having too little sleep, controlling his food intake, exercising, and all that jazz. he was tired and burdened, but he knew he needed to do everything it takes to make it. when his mother used to call him, he’d acted as if he was okay, as if he didn’t just train for 6 hours before that on 2 hours of sleep, and his last meal was just a small piece of kimbap he had to share with 11 other boys in the dorm.

to make it worse, he was suddenly in the line-up for superm less than 2 years after he became a trainee he feels the pressure grow immensely - everyone else in the group was not only younger than him, they had at least trained for 5 years. there were also some trainees who has trained for much longer but didn’t make the line-up. with the pressure comes the guilt; baekhyun refuses to look anyone in the eyes when he walks around the building. he was being unfair to others, but this was out of his control and he wishes he could fix it, but can’t.

kai and taemin were there to constantly remind him that it’s okay, this is just life. kai still and would always tell him that he was just amazing and talented, the agency had to debut him as soon as possible. he was the missing piece the group needed, and he was perfect for it. naturally, being the oldest, he became the leader, and baekhyun was very, very close to giving up.

but he has made it this far, baekhyun cries to himself one night, he has to do it. he should be grateful rather than throwing a self-pity part for himself every day. he needed to take this opportunity and make the most of it, it was the only way.

and they debuted.

the entire south korea thinks the group’s a joke. their debut song was called ** _jopping_ ** ; what the hell is a jopping? jumping and popping? does anyone say _ popping _anymore? honestly, it’s embarrassing, but again, it wasn’t baekhyun’s choice.

god, were they a laughing stock. thank goodness the song was catchy, if not they wouldn’t have made it. baekhyun tries not to look at all the comments, but when kai shoves so many compliments on his high note to his face, it was hard to resist.

until out of a million praises on baekhyun and his singing, the man would tend to zoom in on the bad; of course he knew he wouldn’t please everybody, but it hurts when people question whether his high notes were sung live, how his dancing wasn’t the best… it hurts, but that’s what ten comes in and throws (literally) his phone away.

after _jopping_, baekhyun trained many times harder, so he can prove he actually does sing live, and forces kai and ten to train him till 1am. he gets mark to teach him english, on top of the english lessons the agency provides for him, and asks taeyong and lucas to the gym because they were the fittest among the group.

still, he feels it wasn’t enough. he needs to be better, it irks him that he feels he’s not as talented as other people, although he’s being constantly told otherwise. praises and compliments gave him a temporary happy feeling, but after, he wallows. wallows in not being good enough, in making it to debut with much lesser training, in making life unfair for others. he was really not good enough, he needs to work harder.

now back to jongdae, baekhyun doesn’t know what to do. this was his first relationship, and he really, really doesn’t know how to do them. what does one do in a relationship? baekhyun’s little ‘experience’, if he could even call it that, were dramas/films he had watched, or kai’s constant complaining or swooning over his girlfriend.

throughout his years as an idol, his character has developed significantly, but one thing is for sure, he’s big on public display of affection. sure, you can call it fanservice, but baekhyun finds he is naturally touchy, clingy and as it says, affectionate on top of his usual bubbly and cheery self. for him it was never about fanservice, he truly adores and love his members and fans, and even as a non-fan, it’s very obvious super m’s leader is much different off-screen than on. 

even with this particular character trait and despite all the rumours that baekhyun has a girl/boyfriend on the side, sadly enough, the extremely famous, almost 30-year-old, all-rounder idol was very single. 

all he knew was that he truly loved jongdae and wants to make him the happiest man on earth, like how the other makes him feel everyday since they met. he knows he’s such a sap, jongdae reminds him everyday, but baekhyun is very proud of it. this was how he showed his love, and he wasn’t embarrassed by it. he only needed to figure out how to achieve what he wanted to achieve, but he also needed to remind himself that there were lines not to cross. he doesn’t want jongdae to leave him, he’s one the best things in his life, and if he ever let the younger slip through his fingers, baekhyun would be a complete failure. he wants to be the best for jongdae, he deserves it. he doesn’t want to be a disappointment to him, like he is to his family and practically everyone else, the one person that would have truly killed him would be jongdae himself. he knows he’s not good enough, so he wants to work to be the best.

the first time baekhyun felt like he screwed up was when he had cornered the younger into the room and practically interrogated him and forced him to sign his photobook for him. now that he thinks back, it wasn’t baekhyun’s best move, but honestly, he wasn’t even thinking. all he wanted at that moment was to have some one-on-one, alone time with kim jongdae.

teasing jongdae at the shoot was amusing. he realises then that the other was extremely easy to tease, which made the entire trip fun.

during the dinner, he continued his little stint, and to his shock, jongdae did not push him away. he could always play his ‘i’m always touchy’ card… well, he actually did. when asked about it later, jongdae knew baekhyun was naturally touchy from being his fan, and baekhyun felt better about himself, shamelessly. 

honestly, asking jongdae to his room was really baekhyun’s peak ‘i wasn’t even thinking’ moment, like he has a lot of that, but this truly takes the cake. he got a 23-minute (he counted) lecture from kyungsoo for his stupidity, and how much trouble he could’ve been. baekhyun pointed out that he didn’t get into much trouble, so kyungsoo rightfully smacks him… hard. but baekhyun proudly announces that it was worth it, jongdae was worth it. sure, he relentlessly teases the younger man and as surprised he didn’t call the cops on him, and he realises then that kim jongdae was truly one-of-a-kind, and he wants to know more about his fan.

baekhyun cherishes every fan letter or gifts (which they eventually stopped accepting) from his fans, but for lovingbyun, he had his own little safe box. he even printed out screenshots of his donations under baekhyun’s name, which the idol many times swooned to kyungsoo that jongdae really has a heart made out of gold, and that he was baekhyun’s soulmate. far-fetched, sure, but kyungsoo reminded him that other fans have also done the same, so it didn’t count

the second time he had screwed up was showing him that safe box. he was so sure jongdae must’ve hated him when he saw how the younger had pushed it away. baekhyun had panicked, he didn’t want his favourite person in the world to hate him, no, that can never happen; he needed jongdae to be with him forever. but he couldn’t understand why jongdae, his fan, would reject his advances like that, maybe it’s not enough for him? maybe baekhyun should have done more for him. why would jongdae be freaked out over his own letters that he wrote for the idol? did he not mean that? the letters do say otherwise, they make baekhyun feel giddy with happiness, and if it wasn’t possible, for him to fall in some sort of love for this particular fansite. heck, baekhyun has already considered him a FWB - fan-with-benefit, a little more than a fan but a little less than a friend; which he wanted so badly to change. he concluded then that he had to work much, much harder to be with jongdae, give him everything life could offer, no matter what it takes.

the third screw-up, technically wasn’t his fault. it was his friends, but it felt like it’s his worst screw-up ever. he felt so embarrassed, but so long as jongdae didn't hate him, which he didn’t, was good. he was relieved to here jongdae wasn’t as freaked out as he could have been, but that doesn’t mean his friends were forgiven. sehun and yixing not only had to treat him to a very expensive meal, but endless begging that gave baekhyun too much ego. alas, he’s forgiving… always with a price.

one may not be able to tell, but baekhyun have always been insecure in his own ways. constantly asking jongdae whether he hated him or if he was going to leave were big signs, but unfortunately, neither party (yes, baekhyun included) have realised this. it is an unconscious habit, if asked to describe it, and a habit that should be helped, if only someone knew.

for jongdae, baekhyun wants to give him everything, the world if he asked. jongdae would do the same, if only baekhyun knew. lying down on his bed, he wonders whether he’d be the half of the relationship to give more than he can take, but then he reminds himself that kim jongdae is every bit worth it, and baekhyun thinks it’s okay like this. it’s okay to always be the giving one.

he does justify a little more that jongdae does show his love for him in another way, through super m baekhyun, and it’s enough. truly. 

hopefully he continues to feel this way.

* * *

the photobook was a success; 130289 copies already on the first day. the preorder numbers were at an estimated 300,000, and baekhyun’s agency had planned a release-cum-celebratory party, with jongdae invited of course. unfortunately, the younger was late, oh no, not for a few minutes… for an_ entire 2 hours _ . it was weird for baekhyun, who had remided him about tonight and even received ‘see you later <3’ just 3 hours prior, but now he’s a no-show? he panics, did jongdae not want to be with him anymore? is he not importa- no, he shouldn’t think like that at all! he probably had a very good reason, baekhyun justifies in his head, but... he didn’t even inform him (nor anyone for that matter), so the idol automatically assumed his own boyfriend/photographer forgot. but wait, what if he got into some sort of accident and oh god, baekhyun paled just _ thinking _about it. is it possible to file for a missing person’s report? call every hospital in seoul? baekhyun stared off into space thinking about every single possibility from jongdae forgetting about him, or something bad that could’ve happened to him, that his manager forcibly pulls him around the room to socialise. half-aware and moping the entire time, baekhyun greets everyone as happily as he could, while also not so subtly checking his phone for any replies to his 54 messages.

_ where was jongdae? _

even minseok and chanyeol, who were also invited, duh, were stumped. all they knew was returning home early from work to prepare and change for the release. chanyeol hadn’t gone home though, he stopped by kyungsoo’s apartment instead and went from there. jongdae wasn’t answering their messages or calls either. so really, jongdae was _ unaccounted _for.

only at around 9pm, did the doors burst open and in come a rather dishevelled and slightly messy jongdae, hands full of flowers and eyes darting around for a familiar face.

“dude! where the hell have you been?” chanyeol smacks his right arm, “all of us were fucking worried, man.”

panting, jongdae catches his breath while explaining himself, “i’m sorry! i forgot to do one thing before the weekend so i went back to the office and only realised i spent about another hour there, before i rushed to the florist late to get these flowers, then home to change, and here i am. where’s baekhyun?” minseok points to the corner, where he sees his boyfriend with his manager and quickly rushes to his side.

“hyung,” he greets, capturing their attention, “i’m so sorry.” baekhyun lights up, reassuring him that it was alright. jongdae looks down and gives him the slightly crumpled flowers, apologising again and again with his head bowed.

“hey,” baekhyun says, “i said it’s okay, sweetheart. things happen, i understand.” he’s just so, so fucking _ glad _jongdae was okay and he didn’t have to press the ‘call’ button for one of the hospitals in the city.

“no, i was so careless and didn’t check the time... god, baekhyun, i really am sorry. this was an important night for you and i ruined it.” jongdae puts his face in his hands, distressed.

“dae, it’s really okay. what’s most important is that you’re here now.” baekhyun smiles widely, grabbing his boyfriend’s arm and dragging him to the snack table. this was the only public display of affection they could have, considering a lot of people were there, including the media.

there was only about an hour left of the party, so after stuffing their faces and jongdae still apologising, people were already bidding their goodbyes and congratulated baekhyun, with jongdae standing awkwardly at his side.

“ah, is this the photographer?” jongdae nods at one of the guests, extending his hand to introduce himself and pass out his business card, and he does so for a few other people who really liked his work. baekhyun looked on in pride, of course his boyfriend would gain so much attention, his work was really, really amazing and baekhyun hadn’t expected less either. 

the night ends eventually, everyone preparing to head home.  
“stay over?” baekhyun asks hopefully.

“i... i can’t. work starts really early tomorrow. i’m sorr-” jongdae chokes on his words once he saw the slight disappointment on the other’s face (even if baekhyun tried his best to cover it up). 

“it’s alright. i understand. but um, we come back in two days so i’ll be busy from that day onwards...” baekhyun rubs the back of his neck, suddenly nervous with his own boyfriend.

“a-are you free tomorrow then? i can come over tomorrow, make up for tonight.” jongdae loves the way his boyfriend’s eyes lit up at that, readily agreeing to the offer. baekhyun sends the photographer to his car, waving him goodbye until the car is out of sight.

“hyung, let’s go home,” kai pulls baekhyun away into theirs. on the ride back, the younger realises his hyung was quieter than usual.

“tell me honestly hyung, were you upset that jongdae-hyung came late today?” baekhyun just sighs, choosing to ignore the question. “hyung... i think he l-”

“jongin, please, i’m tired.” kai knew to shut up once he uses his real name, they will talk about it later.

* * *

“great job, showing up late to your boyfriend’s event. if i were baekhyun, i’d break up with your ass, right now.”

“it’s just one event,” jongdae defended himself.

“it’s just one event,” chanyeol strikes back mockingly, “you say that now, wait till we watch you do this 2, 3 more times.”

“this is literally the first time i was late.”

“and? this release was important, dae. scratch being boyfriends with baekhyun, you know you worked extra hard for this, we all did. it’s like you don’t even respect our own work, your own work.”

“yeol -” kyungsoo tries to stop his boy...friend?

“no, no. i just want to make sure this is the last time. i can tell how hurt baekhyun was, and how happy he was when he saw you.”

“it’s a one-time thing, i promise.”

“good. now leave, we want to sex this place up.”

  
  


baekhyun guesses jongdae feels bad. he should, baekhyun thinks, be very sorry that for a good couple of hours, baekhyun was busy being too anxious and worried about the whereabouts, or lack thereof, of his boyfriend. sure, he broke down once, forcing kyungsoo to discreetly pull him aside before he full on bawled in public (very messy for PR), and only calmed down about twenty minutes before jongdae’s arrival. but at one point, baekhyun was so sure jongdae wasn’t going to show up, which would inevitably lead to jongdae telling him he’s sick of him and that he never loved him. he would’ve continued his little scenario before kyungsoo literally slapped him out of it. still, it hurts more than it should have, and baekhyun curses that he feels this way because of his past. it’s normal being late, right? so it shouldn’t hurt this much, but it does. he really thought jongdae wouldn’t show up, and his heart was halfway there to being shattered.

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: baekhyun, i’m still really, really sorry.

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: i promise i’ll be at your other events on time next time.

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: i’ll make it up to you. let me know when you reach home.

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: i’m really sorry.

baekhyun puts down his phone, leaving it alone and deciding that he needs to go on a walk to clear his mind. he leaves the apartment, disguise on, he didn’t need to tell jongin, it would only be for a bit anyway. he hated that he was feeling this way - so insecure about everything, again. he’s tired, he decided, mentally and emotionally. constantly trying to be the best but not enough to matter, same old shit but a different day, he thinks.

he walks aimlessly around the block, wishing his mindset wasn’t this way and that he was just overthinking everything, as usual. but it’s a little different this time - it’s his first relationship - and he doesn’t know what he was doing right or wrong. maybe he must’ve done something for jongdae,_ at this rate _, never saying the three most crucial words, although he says it doesn’t matter, it does. it really does. baekhyun wonders how long it’ll take for either of them to break, he wanted some assurance, anything, outside of supreme’s byun baekhyun and lovingbyun. he wanted some assurance as byun baekhyun and kim jongdae, was that too much to ask?

he gets home maybe… 40 minutes later? to jongin pacing around the room and holding two phones.

“hyung, what the fuck? where were you? i just called kyungsoo!”

“what? what’s wrong?”

“jongdae hyung called like 30 times asking where you were. when i didn’t see you here and you didn’t even bring your phone.”

“sorry, i just went for a walk. geez.” he sees his notifications: 23 missed calls, 105 messages, mostly from his… boyfriend. he shoots a quick “i’m fine” and goes to his room, jongin passed out on the couch at his hyung’s behaviour.

(he gets an earful from kyungsoo the next morning, and baekhyun just sleeps his day out before he sees another message “i’m on my way over. we should talk.”

jongdae sighs. he has been trying to get a hold of baekhyun the last hour or so; the latter has seen the messages that he had sent but there was no reply. many messages later remained unread; he was worried, but he figured that maybe he was already sleeping. he asks jongin whether he was safely at home, and he had said yes, which gave him some sort of relief until he gets another message 8 minutes later:_ hyung isn’t home. _

he calls and calls baekhyun, until jongin picks up and said he left his phone at home and that is when the panic really set in. he has half a mind to go over to baekhyun’s neighbourhood to check, but chanyeol forces him to stay at home, saying kyungsoo and jongin would find him. jongdae really had an early morning, important appointment with none other than vogue, and god knows he needed his rest. but alas, with his boyfriend nowhere to be found, he stays awake until he gets a text half an hour later, “i’m fine”. he was about to ask for some sort of clarification when jongin texts him: he’s home. everything’s fine. jongdae knew baekhyun was somewhat avoiding him, so he lets it be, he will deal with it tomorrow.

he opens the door and gets greeted by his boyfriend holding a couple of paper bags of food and a bouquet of flowers - white tulips - and he was dressed nicely as well. he invites jongdae in, no words shared as they took out the food and placed it on the table. jongin was nice enough to give them some privacy for the night, everyone knew they needed it.

“um, how are you?”

“fine,” baekhyun opens the box with the dumplings, removing the chopsticks from the packaging and digging in. netflix was already playing on the screen in front of them. jongdae just stares at the other, who was pointedly ignoring him.

“baek, i’ve already said i’m sorry.” the older just hums.

“hyung, please talk to me.” baekhyun puts down his food and turns to the other, “mmm?”

“i’m sorry i was late to your event the other night. i really lost track of time, and did not purposely show up late. i promise that would be my first and last time being late. i’m sorry, hyung.”

baekhyun looks at the other, jongdae was being genuine, he knows, but it still hurts. he decided to keep mum about it though, his own feelings shouldn’t matter, it’s in the past, it doesn’t matter.

“i forgive you.” he sees relief cast on jongdae’s face, as the younger grabs some chicken and feeds it to baekhyun.

“now we need to talk about what happened after.”

“i went out for a walk, that’s it.”

“i told you to text me when you came home. luckily jongin was with you.”

“i... i was still a little upset and petty, alright? i’m sorry for the panic, but i really do not want to hear another lecture from you too.” jongdae sighs, guess that’s it for the conversation.

“i know i made you upset, hyung, but you worry me. even when i’m not with you, i still think about you and worry about you. especially since i screwed up last night. just please, don’t scare me again.” baekhyun nods, and smiles, reassuring him.

“the songs sound good,” jongdae commented, in regards to the upcoming superm album.

“yeah. i like this title the best, amongst all the titles we had.”

“2 weeks of promotion, right?”

“yeah.” 

“then fansigns for the next month or so.” baekhyun nods, “i think you know my schedule more than i do.” 

jongdae chuckles, “i need to plan my schedule too.” he takes out his phone, “if you have fansigns on the 24th and the 29th, i can’t come to those. have full-day shoots.”

“okay. you don’t have to come to all, you know?”

“i want to~ i really do enjoy the thrill and adrenaline of fansigns.”

“apart from me, which member is the most fun to talk to?”

“umm... lucas? he’s quite interesting with all his quirks and it amuses me sometimes. he’s loud too.”

“yeah, he is always like that.” usually baekhyun would be the one continuing the conversation, but it seems like he wasn’t in the mood, so jongdae goes back to eating.

they soon settled into a silent hanging out session, both dying to say something out loud but too scared of the other to do anything. 

‘should it even be this way?’ jongdae thinks. ‘baekhyun says everything is fine, but it doesn’t seem like it.’ he’s confused, but he doesn’t know how to go about it. 

“hyung -”

“you should go. i start early tomorrow.”

“bae-”

“thanks for the food.” baekhyun packs the food up and sees the flowers jongdae had left on the chair, “and the flowers.”

“hyung, wait.”

“what?” baekhyun answers, a little annoyed.

“you’re still mad at me.”

“jongdae, drop it. i’m not -”

“you were okay at the event and i-”

“jongdae i said drop it.”

“if you have anything to say, please tell me,” jongdae begs “i won’t leave you like this. i want to know what you’re really fee-”

“go. just go. we can deal with this another time.” baekhyun ends the conversation by going into the kitchen, and jongdae feels helpless.

“i don’t want to talk about it, okay? let me focus on my comeback first, then we can talk about it. i’m not upset over you being late anymore… just… just go.” baekhyun sighs as he walks towards the front door and opens it, in hopes his boyfriend would finally get his point.

“okay. i’ll go. i’ll see you soon.” jongdae picked up the bag he had carried here and looked at the other face-to-face. “i’m really sorry, hyung.” he leans forward and kisses him on the cheek, before properly leaving the apartment. 

_ (it was the perfect moment to say the 3 words, baekhyun thinks, but nothing.) _

as soon as baekhyun closes the door, he walks over to where the flowers were and picks it up. they were beautiful, something he never got to tell jongdae, and he hugs them tightly as he walks back into his room. (and if jongin hears sniffling from his hyung’s room, he doesn’t say anything.)

the next few days were a rush; all baekhyun could register was that their new song ‘i can’t stand the rain’ did really well, and they had managed to break their own personal record of maybe 500 thousand albums? he’s not entirely sure, it’s all been a blur to baekhyun. early morning shows, different filmings, even more rehearsals and interviews. there was no proper time to breathe, but baekhyun welcomes the distraction from his own personal feelings.

he gets a few texts from the younger though:

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: good luck on your premiere today, hyung! i’ll be watching :)

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: remember to hydrate yourself ^^♡

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: the song is so good, hyung! i’m going to listen to the rest now~~

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: ah hyung! i’ve listened to the rest, i think my favourite is dangerous woman ;-; you sound so good, especially in this song.

**♡♡jongdae♡♡:** baek, you look so goodㅜㅜ too bad i’m at home since i just finished work.

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ i wish i was there seeing it live... ㅠㅠ ㅠㅠ

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: i love the way your hair is styled. anyway i’ve gotten my albums!

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: [pictures attached]

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: didn’t get your photocard but i’m planning to buy more anyway… hehehe ten looks good tho lol

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: bammie has ur pc!! we’re going to trade when we meet.

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: you must be busy! good night hyung, rest well.

of course baekhyun had seen every message, he admits they did put a smile on his face, even if he’s still a little down about their relationship. he wasn’t too busy to not reply to them, but he doesn’t feel like it until the next day, and all he replied was:_ thank you, dae.♡ _

he works and he works, only replying jongdae as and when he was free, or when he _wanted_ to, that he totally forgot one very crucial thing. 

he didn’t even remember when he and jongin see jongdae crouching against the front door of their apartment building when they had to leave for inkigayo at 3am, flowers in hand.

“what are you doing here, hyung?” jongin greets joyfully.

“ah, i texted you… hyung. here, happy 100-days,” jongdae smiles sadly, handing the flowers - a bouquet of purple lilacs - this time, and baekhyun almost couldn’t breathe. “sorry, i forgot inkigayo starts early.”

“dae…”

jongin’s phone rang loudly, signalling their managers were arriving with their car, so they needed to hurry up.

“go. it’s alright.” jongin smiles and pulls baekhyun, hands tightly holding on to the flowers as he gets dragged away from a still-smiling jongdae, and it finally hits him.

their 100th day… was _yesterday_.

and he forgot about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> abit of baek's backstory and alot more angst !! tl is going faster now to speed up the story ;-; if it's too rushing, please let me know!! :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i jokingly told myself a while back to update whenever jongdae appears then, CHENTUBE HAPPENED???  
but i felt like it was too soon (even if i rlly wanted to post on june 24) + this chapter is... so to say, and i didn't want to ruin the mood (i'm just giving excuses at this point hehe)  
i tried to edit it but after crying over jd, i had a really bad headache that spanned till the next day OKAY NO MORE EXCUSES HERE'S THE NEW CHAPTER!!  
enjoy!

kyungsoo forces baekhyun to leave the lilacs in the car, and while the latter really wanted to apologise to jongdae, circumstances happened so that he wouldn’t have any second to himself until the end of the day. right after the live show, they had to do interviews at the company, which meant when baekhyun came home at 9 later in the night, the lilacs had wilted a little.

he immediately tries to reach out to jongdae, who picked up after the 3rd try.

“jongdae, i’m so sorry.”

baekhyun had read back on his messages; jongdae had stood outside for 5 hours, waiting for baekhyun to let him in. the younger only left work at around 10pm, and waited in his car until kyungsoo texted him (yes he resorted to texting his manager too) that he was picking baekhyun up soon, so he waited outside where the older could see him.

“it’s alright, hyung. you were sleeping, i understand.”

“nono, i forgot our anniversary. the same one i made a big deal about! fuck, dae, i’m really so sorry.”

“it’s fine, i should’ve texted you earlier in the day too, but i had a punishing deadline and minseok would’ve dropped me if i had overshot,” he chuckles, “how have you been? we haven’t talked in days.” _ days _, we? it was honestly more like, baekhyun hadn’t replied to him properly, so there was no proper conversation to even begin with.

“i’m... it’s been tiring yeah. you’d think i’d get used to it after a decade.”

“i don’t think you can ever get used to things even if we’ve done it for a long time.” _ huh, fitting, _baekhyun thinks.

“how are you, dae?” he puts the phone on speaker so he could rearrange the lilacs.

“i’m good. i’m more worried about you though. i’m still sorry for being late.”

“i told you i’m not upset about it any-”

“you’re upset that i haven’t said those words to you yet.” **that hit the nail.**

“dae, it’s fine i-”

“hyung, i know it bothers you a lot. but i need you to know that i’m still not ready. i’m sorry.”

baekhyun stays silent as his world shakes a little, and he tries to take it all in, vase now half filled with the lilacs.

“there’s nothing to be sorry for,” his voice cracks a little, and he hopes jongdae doesn’t notice it.

“i feel bad, and guilty. i really, really want to say it, but i just… it’s hard to- it’s really difficult to accept i have all of you in ways i thought i’d never thought i’d get. it’s still overwhelming to me even if we’ve already been doing this for 100 days. 101. and i hate that i keep you waiting, and you continuously hope i’d day something, but… i can’t. i can’t say it with words yet but i can through actions. to me, you’re still my idol, byun baekhyun.”

“you can never get over that, huh?”

“what?”

“that i will ever only be superm’s baekhyun to you and not just another normal person? someone you take pictures of and make profits out of?” baekhyun didn’t mean that, but it slipped before he could even think about it.

“what do you mean i make profits off of you? you should know all the ‘profits’ you claim i make i donate it,” jongdae gestures with air quotation marks (although he realises after that baekhyun could not see him), a little pissed at the comment, “don’t accuse me of something like that hyung. you have to understand that i’ve been supporting you as an idol for 10 years, and yes, i do know you’re just like the rest of us, but i’ve always looked up to you, and respected the boundaries set, being your fan. it’s still hard to grasp the person i’ve put on a special pedestal for is my boyfriend.”

“i’m not some object that y-”

“hyung, that’s not what i mean but -”

“dae, shut up!” baekhyun angers, “i’m not perfect and you shouldn’t idolize me like i’m some sort of _god_. i’m human too, i have flaws, imperfections. i am not perfect like you think i am. i have insecurities too.”

“i know you do. i love them, every bit of your flaws and imperfections… as a fan. i’ve yet to learn to embrace them as your boyfriend, but i’m trying. please, hyung,” jongdae begs, “i really am trying.”

“well, you’re not trying hard enough!” he shouts into the phone, “i’m sick of waiting, jongdae. like i said, i have my own insecurities you, and it stems from not knowing if you’ll ever love me as much as i do you, or if you’ll ever love me at all as anything apart from your idol baekhyun. you love me as your idol, fine, but it’s very different, and feels very different than being loved as your boyfriend. i just need some assurance, dae.”

jongdae stays silent for a while before saying, “you said so yourself. loving you as an idol and boyfriend is different, so why won’t you learn to accept that too? i can’t just be the one trying to understand you, baekhyun. i know you’ve bottled up feelings for a while, so this is it all, huh?”

“i just need assurance, dae. a word or two, because now i’m living off little gestures that i do not understand. i don’t know where we both stand and i hate not knowing. it’s either you love me, or you don’t, it’s as simple as that.”

“i wish it was as simple as that, i really do. but hyung, everything is different for me, everything has changed. just imagine that you, a commoner, suddenly being chummy with the idol you’ve been supporting for years? the same idol that you learn to respect all the boundaries for, there’s always going to be that line i can never cross, even though it would be perfectly alright. the line, which i drew myself, that i swore i’d never cross because you’re still your own person behind the idol image. do you know how it feels like since the beginning, hyung? i was perfectly fine supporting you as _ lovingbyun _, in my own little fanboy and fansite bubble, where i’m floating to wherever you are but also protecting you from me. where the bubble, a big one, also serves as the space between you and me that we both respect, where it’s appropriate enough that i don’t become some sort of sasaeng or delusional fan. the bubble is my comfort space, hyung, where i know i’m not crossing any lines or breaking any laws. where i also respect you as a person. since you hired me, the whole bubble popped. just like that. i felt like my own boundaries were violated, but even more so when i realise that the bubble doesn’t protect you from me. it popped too fast for me to even realise that i’ve broken all boundaries that i set, and i felt even worse when i realise that i was indirectly violating your space, rather than mine. even we need our own personal space too.”

the older was left stunned, he didn’t think jongdae would speak his mind like this, and although he knows he should understand from his point of view as well, his mind was already too clouded by the fact that he was the one at a disadvantage in the relationship, too clouded so much so that he almost missed the next part:

“i think we should take a break.”

and there it is, baekhyun thinks, he’s not enough.

he stares at the phone in disbelief, before he decides he doesn’t want to think any longer, “okay.” he hangs up.

_ he’s not enough. he’s really not enough. _

* * *

“what happened?”

“just… just got too much. we’re different, so we think differently too. for me, things went too fast. it’s fine,” jongdae replies curtly. he had just returned from music bank’s early morning red carpet, and was hastily editing the pictures he took of baekhyun before their client came. 

“did he see you?”

“no, i covered myself from head to toe.” _he really didn't want to talk about it._

“i’m sure he saw you, i’ll just ask soo,” chanyeol pulls up his phone and starts to type when jongdae stops him.

“i’m not even sure he told his manager about his relationship, i don’t want you to get in the middle of our problems either,” he sighs, “i’ve already told you too much.”

“oh i’m sorry i didn't mean to overste-”

“no, i mean i don’t want you both to have to eventually choose between us, pick sides. it wouldn’t be very pretty.”

“okay... just, if you need someone to talk to, i’m always here, dae.”

“thanks.”

jongdae looks at the pictures,_ looks at baekhyun_, something he hasn’t done since their fight three days ago, which was also the last time he saw him, even if it was only for a couple of minutes. he kinda knew where their relationship was heading. he couldn’t figure out the odd behavior until he did, when he had properly flipped through baekhyun’s new photobook.

nayeon had took notice that a ‘kim jongdae’ was credited in the book, and once she confirmed it was indeed _lovingbyun_ that had photographed him, both his friends rightfully freaked out.

_** bammie**: you got to meet kai???? that’s why he recognised u??? _

_**nayeonnie**: o my god?????? AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it does make sense ;---; _

_**nayeonnie**: why didn’t you tell us earlier!! _

_** jongdae**: NDA, sorry guys. _

_**bammie**: don’t be sorry we get it omg!!! have u met ten …!! _

_**nayeonnie**: it’s fine we get it!!! ahh about to cry!!! _

_**jongdae**: wait guys you can’t tell anyone… _

_**jongdae**: and no haha,,, just his friends. _

_**bammie**: i won’t i’m just shaking for U _

_** nayeonnie**: no worries oppa, i’ll keep this to myself ^^ but how did this happen? _

_ jongdae told them a very watered down version, that baekhyun had coincidentally hired them, and they flew to japan. no mention about baekhyun knowing he knew who lovingbyun was, no mention about their am dates, no mention about their relationship. _

_ “he must’ve sure recognised you?? his favourite fan???” _

_ “if he did, he didn’t mention it… he’s very professional. also i’m not his favourite fan,” jongdae hopes he didn’t sound too nervous at that. the other two snorted at that. “maybe he wasn’t sure? or he didn’t recognise me?” snorts. “hey! it could happen okay?!” _

_ “so how did kai-oppa recognise you?” _

_ crap. he forgot about that. “i wasn’t wearing a mask. so i was in plain sight, and he must’ve remembered me from all the fansigns or something… i don’t know.” _

_ “kai could remember you, but baekhyun didn’t? i do not believe it for a second. his favourite fan!” bambam gasped, “maybe he was waiting for you to confess that you’re the same jongdae as his fan!” _

_ nayeon flicks him, “how many jongdae would he know in his lifetime! maybe baekhyun-oppa is purpo-” _

_ “he’s a professional, guys. i think your faves would act the same way if they see you work for them suddenly.” jongdae sighs, “anyway, it’s over. i won’t be seeing him again… for work at least.” _ _  
_ _ “oh while we’re all on the phone, we should get together and prepare to deliver all our goods,” nayeon suggests, and jongdae heaved a sigh of relief that the conversation was over. after they talked a little more and settled on a date, jongdae was left to his own devices again. as he flips through the book, he sees a little note: _

** _at times, where i feel down, i feel reassured that i have my fans by my side. thank you for always being there for me, and thank you for always reminding me of your love and support. now it’s my turn to give back what you’ve given me. it may not be as much, but i promise to continue working harder as byun baekhyun. thank you._ **

_ and then it hit him. he remembers when he heard: “i’m sorry, dae. i... i thought i needed some assurance... i love you, and i know that you love me too. and that’s more than enough.” _

_ baekhyun being very affectionate, always wanting someone to say something good about him; he’d always thought that baekhyun had only wanted to hear good things about himself to brag playfully but… he always needed some type of assurance? like he needed to know he was doing good. it’s natural of course, but more so, it makes sense of baekhyun’s odd behaviour. jongdae hasn’t told him he loves him yet, and now the older one is acting distant. _

_ he leans back, putting the book down; he was sure of his feelings, but to say it outloud is another different thing. he scolds himself, ‘aish, it shouldn’t be hard’. he’s never said he loves him when they only had a fan-idol relationship too. _

_ shit. did he have some sort of commitment problem? is what he’s doing enough to sustain their relationship? _

_ he lies down on the floor. relationships shouldn’t this be hard and complicated. _

** _maybe it’s not more than enough._ **

back to the pictures he was editing, he notices how tired his… idol looked. he looks a little worn out, a little tired, and his eyes were puffy too. he couldn’t tell a lot considering baekhyun was wearing a mask but eyes could really tell a thousand words. jongdae made sure he stood at a distance, where hopefully baekhyun or kai could see him, and jongdae felt very lucky he invested in a very good camera. of course, when he uploads the picture, baekhyun would know he was there, but it doesn’t matter. _ he thinks i’m profiting off of him anyway. _

that comment had hurt. he photographs baekhyun and sells the print so as to donate most of it to charities either jongdae chose, or baekhyun have publicly raised support for. sure, he uses some of the money as a way to buy better equipments to take and produce even better photos, but he made it so 90% of the profit goes to charity. whatever, he accidentally smashes the enter button harder than it should, as the first out of the many photos were uploaded on sns. they hadn’t talk for days too, and jongdae misses him but he thinks they needed to sit down properly to talk. baekhyun doesn’t have the time now, obviously, so it would take a while. he prepares himself for the worst. the worst is that they never speak to each other again, and jongdae would have to force himself to close lovingbyun. not his ideal plan, but if it comes to that… he’ll think about it later. 

his ideal scenario is that baekhyun would see it from his point of view, and he would understand, and hopefully, things will go slower. jongdae would also make a conscious effort to make sure baekhyun feels loved. ah, the flowers. the lilacs. the florist had told him the flowers he got baekhyun specifically, purple lilacs, meant the first emotions of love. of all flowers he’d seen, he finds that that describes his feelings for him the most. too bad, he couldn’t tell baekhyun fast enough. a little too late now. he truly does… really like him, but it’s too soon. too soon and too fast for him to tell. he just wishes baekhyun would understand.

* * *

“he was there. i _knew_ i saw him.” baekhyun threw his phone towards jongin’s direction, and the younger looked at it.

“and? he’s your fansite, first and foremost.” baekhyun sighs, they hadn’t talked in days and it’s bugging him. yes, he was the one that ended the call abruptly, but he wasn’t in the mood to argue more, and if a break is what jongdae wants, he gives it to him. he thought they needed it too, only to realise the day after he missed the younger too much to go ‘on a break’. he misses him so much, he welcomes the busy moments where he couldn’t think about him, but _ who is he kidding? _ jongdae would always be on his mind, mid-performance or when he goes to sleep.

“why don’t you just talk to him, hyung?”

“we’re on a break.”

“so? doesn’t mean you guys can’t talk to each other.”

“i…” he’s too scared to text the other, so, so afraid of rejection that he knew it was inevitable. 

“hyung, the more you’re afraid of him, the more your relationship is going to fall apart. you need to learn and fight for the love you deserve.”

“i’m not afraid of him. i am afraid of what's going to happen. if he says he wants to break up? what the hell am i supposed to do? i don’t even know if he wants to talk to me.”

“if it makes you feel any better,” kyungsoo sounded, sitting beside him, “jongdae’s feeling like shit too.”

“i don’t want him to feel like shit, soo. i still love him.”

“well. learn from each other then, i think it’s what’s most important here.”

“i agree. you both need to communicate more,” jongin advises, “not about your work, your idol-fansite work or whatever. about your feelings.” baekhyun guesses he’s right.

but they don’t, and the next time they see each other was a week later. jongdae had won a fansign, but instead of being happy and excited like everyone else, he was nervous to-the-core. his legs were shaking, and even nayeon was worried at the older. 

“you alright, oppa?”

“yeah, just nervous,” he chuckles, feeling the red rising up his neck.

“what for? this isn’t a new thing for you~”

“i don’t know, now that things have changed…” if only she knew. nayeon smiles slyly, adjusting her camera and cheering when the group comes out. oh, baekhyun’s hair is a little lighter now. from dark to a lighter brown, it looks good. of course it does, he sighs. they greeted, introduced themselves, and when he saw baekhyun look around, he ducks down in his all-black getup in hopes he wouldn’t see him. when it starts, he could see baekhyun still conversing happily with the fans, and it puts a smile on his face seeing baekhyun smile again, considering he hasn’t seen him smile with his own two eyes in a while. even after years, it still makes his insides churn and on bad days, seeing baekhyun happy lightens up his mood drastically.

the past week has been hard, but being busy with sending out the albums for group orders as well as work distracted him enough. when the night comes though, he forces himself not to think about baekhyun, let alone touch his phone in case his fingers get itchy. he misses the other, obviously he does, but he doesn’t know what they can do right at this moment now.

his turn soon came up, his time with the other members blurred and rushed as he is too nervous to see his boyfriend(?) again. but alas, the time came anyway, and he stood in front of baekhyun, fidgeting nervously. baekhyun looked at him the moment he’s finish with the previous one, and his smile faltered a little. 

“hi.” jongdae passes the album, hoping his hands shaking wasn’t that obvious for the other to see.

“hello. name?”

“jongdae.” at this point, he would say how much he admires the other, asking him to continue singing, or to sing for him, whatever he could think of at that moment honestly (brain farts especially in front of your idol), but this time he stayed quiet as baekhyun quickly signs the album. jongdae looked up, kyungsoo looked right into his eyes, and he looked down again. _ awkward _.

baekhyun wasn’t even looking at him and before he knew it, kyungsoo had asked him to move on to kai, and he managed to rush out a ‘bye’ before kai looks at him pitifully.

“hey, how are you?”

“ah, good, kai-ssi.”

“don’t be silly, just call me kai,” he chuckles.

“okay... how about you?”

“great as always~ thank you for always supporting us, hyung.” jongdae smiles when jongin does, and he moves on to the last member, finishing everyone without turning back to see the only one who matters most. the same person who kept stealing glances at the younger and wishing he’d said something, _ anything _.

baekhyun goes home beating himself over it that evening, with jongin, kyungsoo and chanyeol looking at him pitifully as he stares at his phone on the couch.

“if it makes you feel any better, jongdae’s sad too.”

“why do you and soo keep saying that?! jongdae being sad does not make me better. it makes me sadder,” baekhyun pouts.

“you’re both stubborn is what you are. how long haven’t you been speaking to each other?” kyungsoo asks.

“two weeks.”

“two weeks?” jongin was shocked, “aren’t you both only on a break?”

“and…?”

“breaks doesn’t mean you don’t completely shut each other out… right?” chanyeol asks.

“i don’t know, this is my first break in my entire life. i don’t know what to think,” baekhyun lies down across the… friends with benefits, “what? are you both dating now?”

“um…” chanyeol started, but was interrupted, “yes.”

“great, we broke up so you both could get together. great, just great.” he rolls onto the floor, completely missing the bewildered look chanyeol had given kyungsoo. (“we’ll talk about it later.”)

“i miss him.”

“we know you do,” jongin says gently, “you’ll both get through it.”

“promise?” baekhyun shoots out his pinky finger to jongin.

“promise,” jongin stands up and goes over to his hyung, joins their fingers and sits back down.

“why did you both want a break, anyway?” chanyeol asks, “he refuses to tell me anything. didn’t want me to get involved in case we needed to pick sides eventually.”

“not me, just him. i just said ‘okay’ and hung up. crap, then i shouldn’t tell you guys either, right? why is he such an angel?”

kyungsoo furrows his brows, “you didn’t even fight him on it? why not?” 

“because it’s what he wanted and i wanted to give him what he wants! we had a really huge fight so… so it was inevitable.”

“nothing’s inevitable if you could have done something about it.”

“you don’t get it soo, we fought. wasn’t some petty fight either.”

“no, kyungsoo hyung is right,” jongin pipes in, “relationships aren’t always going to be perfect you know? you’re always going to have disagreements, that’s when you sit down and talk about it. like soojungie and i. you can always talk about it.”

baekhyun sighs, “easy for you to say. he doesn’t even want to talk to me.”

“are you kidding me? you hung up on him, of course he would be the one to think you didn’t want to talk to him,” kyungsoo says.

“yeah, and you didn’t even make an effort with him at the fansign. communication goes both ways, hyung,” jongin chimes in this time.

“he still went despite you both being on a break, he schedules our schedule around your official schedules. i mean, he’s always done that but even when on a break, he still does it. that must say something, right?” chanyeol asks.

“sure.” baekhyun really doesn’t know, all he knew was that his heart hurts in many ways just thinking about the younger, and wished life was a little better.

* * *

“he keeps saying he misses you.”

“okay, thanks.” jongdae takes out the printed copies and sets it on his table.

“you should talk to him, tell him you miss him too.” he was met with silence, but chanyeol would not give up.

“at the next fansign, just write to him like you usually do. see whether he replies you o-”

“yeol, i appreciate it, but i’ve got this.” he sighs, he doesn’t exactly _ got this _, as he claims, but he didn’t want to think about it. he does though, have a little plan. something like chanyeol had suggested, but he doesn’t know what to say. all he had written was:

** _hello. _ **

that’s it. he even slammed the pen down after writing it because he didn’t know what to say. should he apologise? of course he knows he should, and he will, but he stubbornly didn’t want to be the first one to give in. he wanted the both of them to talk it out, and completely establish their relationship properly. at the same time however, he wanted to know how baekhyun is, obviously still worried about baekhyun.

it was already t-minus 1 hour to the fansign, and his card is still empty. yes a card of a really cute corgi at the front that said ‘well done!’ and jongdae knew it was very fitting for him (also, it was baekhyun’s dream dog). he took a deep breath, and just wrote whatever was on his mind.

** _hello. how are you, hyung? i want to say, even if i’m not brave enough to do it in front of your face, that i know you’ve been working very hard, and i’m very proud of you. you’re doing an amazing job and i wish i can tell you that everyday. i truly and will always admire you, baekhyun hyung. thank you for always working hard for us & thank you for singing._ **

** _i wanted to say… when we have the time, let’s talk sincerely, hyung. but i think at this moment, what we need most is space. should we take some time apart, hyung? to think about what we want for us, as individuals and as a couple? what do you think? i won’t be able to see you for a while, so when the time is _ ** ** _right_ ** ** _, let’s come back together again, okay, hyung? i’ll be waiting for you, always._ **

** _-jongdae_ **

that should be enough, right? unfortunately he didn’t have time to think when bambam came up to him, “ready? let’s meet our men~”

baekhyun was nervous, he had an inkling jongdae was going to be at this particular fansign, and sure enough, he was right. he couldn’t spot him the last time, but this time, jongdae was right smack at the front, which meant baekhyun had to go through about 90 fans while simultaneously being distracted by jongdae’s presence. the fansign started and jongdae were the first few ones, so baekhyun mentally prepares himself, hyping himself up to be a little more courageous this time, and to be the one to say something. he goes through the first few fans in a blur, and he doesn’t need to see to know jongdae was now standing in front of him.

“hi, hyung.”

_ hyung, he said hyung! _

“hello, dae-ya.” he braved and looked up, smiling. _ of course he’s still as beautiful as ever. _

he opens to his page, and sees two things: his cartoon post-it that says ‘sign here!’ and one of his photocards. unlike the first time, which he only signed, he signs and doodles on the card. he even, with a shot of courage, wrote a little _ ‘thank you for your support, always!’ _he drew a lot of tiny hearts on the page and the card, and finished off with a small ‘파이팅!’ at the corner.

“i hope you’re well.” he hears jongdae say, snapping out of his little doodling session.

“i hope you are too,” he says shyly, closing the book shut and passing it back to him.

“here.” he sees a bright yellow envelope in the other’s hand, and since he hadn’t expected it, he receives it nervously, not registering fast enough to thank him before jongdae moved on to taeyong. and that was definitely the most distracting fansign in all his years as an idol, ever.

he held onto it tight, after kyungsoo took it away from him at the fansign, safe in the comforts of his room. he hasn’t read it yet, but he wants to, he’s just scared it was some kind of rejection.

** _‘baekhyun’_ **, it reads in cursive. he takes a deep breath and opens it, and god, of course. of course the card would be this adorable. it was a fucking corgi, baekhyun’s dream dog, he remembered. he opens it and read it, heart beating so fast he was sure it was going to beat out of his chest. 

_ hello. how are you, hyung? i want to say, even if i’m not brave enough to do it in front of your face, that i know you’ve been working very hard, and i’m very proud of you. you’re doing an amazing job and i wish i can tell you that everyday. i truly and will always admire you, baekhyun hyung. thank you for always working hard for us & thank you for singing. _

_ i wanted to say… when we have the time, let’s talk sincerely, hyung. but i think at this moment, what we need most is space. should we take some time apart, hyung? to think about what we want for us, as individuals and as a couple? what do you think? i won’t be able to see you for a while, so when the time is _ _ right _ _ , let’s come back together again, okay, hyung? i’ll be waiting for you, always. _

he started to tear up from the moment he opened the card, and by the end of it, he was full on sobbing. these words are common, yes, but to have it written by your boyfriend (?) after not talking to him for weeks, you couldn’t blame baekhyun for being emotional. he feels touched, more in a way that even though they were on a _ ‘break’ _, jongdae still cares about him - and to baekhyun, that’s more than enough. it’s assuring to know that maybe there is hope for them after all. he knew jongdae was right, they needed the right time. they needed the space, whether baekhyun liked it or not, he knew he needed some time to himself too. it wasn’t the right time yet, he was still too busy, and he realises he wanted to find himself more. he might have, admittedly, gone a little too fast; not only could jongdae not handle it, he figures he couldn’t either. he was too lovestruck and infatuated by this new relationship, that he was blind to jongdae’s feelings, and he needed to understand him more. nonetheless, baekhyun has got a glimmer of hope, and now he only needs to move onward and look forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry i realised it's not even a happy chapter it's the angstiest chapter but !!!!! i'm also done w exams so hopefully,,, regular updates?????? 
> 
> [stream, leave comments & likes please!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9KIH9pKyY0)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JONGDAE UPDATE???? WHICH MEANS WWWBBH UPDATE !!!
> 
> tbh i was going to upload another new chensoo fic but ALAS......

** _well, the break ended a little faster than anyone had expected._ **

somehow jongdae got into a minor incident involving studio lights and tangled wires, which was why he was currently in the hospital for a concussion.

“i can’t believe a wire knocked you out.”

“whatever, yeol.” jongdae closed his eyes, the lights in the room were really too bright.

“need anything? water? food?”

“no thank you, hyung.” minseok nodded and looked nervously at chanyeol, who had the same look back.

“listen, we have a confession,” the youngest starts.

“_ we _?” minseok says accusingly.

“i. me, chanyeollie has a confession," chanyeol shuffles nervously.

“don’t talk in third person. what?” jongdae asks.

“i... uh…”

“quick,” minseok whispers.

“wait, what’s going on?” jongdae opens one eye worriedly, suspicious of his friends’ behaviour.

“well…” chanyeol starts again, but is interrupted by knocks on the door. minseok sighs and goes to open it, ignoring jongdae’s ‘_ who’s that? _’, while chanyeol apologises quickly ‘in advance’.

now with both eyes opened, he anticipates the person/people coming in and -

of course.

“dae,” baekhyun breathes out. he looks tired, even more so if that was even possible, eyes were still puffy and he came in a little breathless too.

“hyung,” jongdae sits up, but hisses and lies back down again.

“come on, let’s give them some space.”

“dae, i was so worried,” baekhyun sniffles, “when minseok called chanyeol and told him you were on the way to the hospital, i wanted to… i wanted to come immediately but i -”

“it’s fine, hyung. i understand.” 

he moves towards jongdae and caresses his head gently, “i miss you.”

granted, it’s only been 3 weeks since the last fansign that they had met yet, but it’s been 2 months since they properly each seen each other.

jongdae just hums, leaning into the touch. they stayed this way for a bit before jongdae asks him to sit down, and the older did while holding onto his left hand.

“how are you?”

“worried sick for you. had some stupid schedules, left immediately to come here.”

“you look tired.”

“yeah, comeback season. little sleep. with i had other things in mind, so no sleep.”

“you should rest… your eyes are puffy, your eyebags are more prominent… go sleep.”

“okay,” he stands up, taking out his shoes and climbing onto the b- wait, what?

“hyung…”

“let me sleep with you… don’t worry, i made sure no one follows us here.” jongdae was still too concussed to care or be wary that he just lets him, and soon enough, they both cuddled into each other, getting one of their best naps yet. (and boy, were their friends unsurprised to find them this way 20 minutes later.)

when jongdae woke up, only chanyeol was in the room.

“he had to go home. he’s got work tomorrow. anyway, doc said you can be discharged tomorrow too.” jongdae nods at that, asking for water.

chanyeol continued, “you two seemed cozy.”

“mmm?”

“soo said he hasn’t seen baekhyun that relaxed for a while.”

“me too. i mean i feel the same too.”

“i can tell.” chanyeol smiles. seeing his friend so down and depressed for a month made him sad too, and he was glad that they both still cared for each other, which means there is some hope.

“so how did they find out again?”

“ah, i was with soo at baekhyun’s house. freaked out which meant whoever was in the house knew - baekhyun and jongin - knew too. sorry, dae.”

“it’s fine, you must’ve been scared, i’m sorry.”

“oh i was fucking terrified, but you should’ve seen how baekhyun-hyung was. looked like he was about to vomit at that point of time, we didn’t know why you were at the hospital because minseok-hyung was also panicking, but a wire, dae? really?” jongdae shrugs, “it happens.”

“and on the one day i’m off from work.” the older chuckles, it’s true. “baekhyun-hyung truly paled and freaked out really badly. thank goodness kyungsoo and jongin were there to calm him down, also soo reminded him he couldn’t skip the schedule so… he was mad and pissed after.”

jongdae looks away, heart growing at the thought of how his boyfriend (?) still cares about him.

“hey,” chanyeol calls softly, “you’re both going to work out, i promise. he wouldn’t give up on you, and i know you wouldn’t either.”

“i really hope so, yeol. i really do.”

* * *

“umma, i said i’m fine. i fell, didn’t wake up for a bit but the doctor says i’m fine.” jongdae’s mum continued lecturing him about safety and for him to stop being so clumsy all the time. chanyeol just giggles in the background, and jongdae reassures her for the nth time before she was satisfied and they hang up. they exited the lift and walked towards their apartment, which had the door ajar.

“did you not lock the door, yeol? just got out of the hospital, trying my best not to get in again.”

“don’t be dramatic.” chanyeol opens the door to… oh.

_ flowers and balloons everywhere. _

“surprise!”

they both see minseok, jongin, kyungsoo and baekhyun (in that order) standing in the middle of all the mess, baekhyun going towards jongdae and hugging him, “welcome home.”

“thank you, hyung.” he pulls away, “you did all this?” the older enthusiastically nods, “do you like it?”

“yeah. thank you.” it was… over the top and a little awkward, sure, but he appreciates the surprise nonetheless. he clears his throat, “ah, but i’m a little tired… and want to rest for a bit.”

“oh, yeah sure. go rest, we will be here,” baekhyun rubs his arm, and suddenly widens his eyes, “if that’s okay!”

“sure. just for a bit.” he walks towards his room, but stops, looking back, “hyung, come with me.”

“me?” baekhyun asks, obviously shocked at the invitation. he still hesitates even after jongdae nodded, but when the younger puts his hand out, baekhyun becomes a little more brave.

baekhyun stood near the door just in case jongdae changed his mind, although the door was already locked shut. he watches the other settle down on the bed, hand covering his eyes, and hears a soft, “come lie with me." 

baekhyun carefully lays down beside jongdae, making sure not to touch him in any way. 

“how’re you feeling?”

“fine.” they both k new they needed to talk about their relationship, but it wasn’t an appropriate time, and baekhyun knew the other desperately needed some sleep.

“go sleep. i’ll be right here when you wake up.” 

jongdae takes his free hand and reaches out for the older, and once he feels a hand tightening in his hold, he succumbs to the restful sleep he needed after a very long time.

when jongdae opens his eyes, the first thing he sees is baekhyun also sleeping. looking at their still intertwined hands and then back at baekhyun’s face, a thought about how good it would be to wake up to this every morning crosses his mind, but he shuts it down in favour of thinking where they were at now. jongdae has spent the last few weeks half focusing on work, the other half just thinking about life - mostly baekhyun - but he still doesn’t know what to do. he knows it’s partly because they both hadn’t properly talked yet, and they needed some sort of… closure? just, they need to talk, jongdae knows. whether he’s ready or not, it doesn’t matter. for now, he lets himself enjoy this closeness with the other he hadn’t in a long while, so he closes his eyes and thinks everything’s alright.

how baekhyun woke up with half his body on the other and jongdae’s arm around his shoulder was beyond him. _ even when unconscious, they still drifted to each other, _ baekhyun chuckles. he basks in the comfort of the other, missing his scent that he had become accustomed to and buries himself in the other’s neck. softly of course, he didn’t want to wake the other up. unfortunately, jongdae does anyway, and he remembers ‘ah, he’s a light sleeper.’

“morning?” he groggily says.

“it’s 7pm.” baekhyun giggles and moves jongdae’s now-long hair out of his face, before he realises the position he’s in. he gets up suddenly, surprising jongdae in the process, before apologising.

“what for? it’s fine…”

“are you sure?”

“yes, baek. i know we’re on a break but we’re still boyfriends... right?”

he sighs, “right.” he hesitantly laid back again, not on jongdae but right beside him. they faced each other.

“hi.”

“hi.” they both shyly smiled at each other like it was their first ever meeting and baekhyun feels like he’s in some sort of romantic movie.

“i miss you,” they both said at the same time, causing them both to chuckle. 

“should we… should we talk about it now?” baekhyun asks quietly.

“i just got out of the hospital for a concussion… maybe not now? let’s just pretend everything’s okay for now, we will talk about it soon, i promise.”

“okay.” baekhyun looked like he wanted to ask another question, so jongdae gestures with his brows to continue. “can i kiss you?”

instead of answering, jongdae just goes in for it. just a long, soft and gentle one, perfect for moments like this. they pulled away after a few seconds, forehead still against each other. the moment felt bittersweet - not a goodbye, but something that borderlines a ‘let’s meet again’, and baekhyun needed to pull away before it gets too much. jongdae doesn’t stop him, instead he backs up too; they were still looking at each other, but no words were said. like this, they were content, but neither could ignore the feeling of dread overcoming them.

* * *

jongin puts down his pen, “how long has it been?”

“how long has what been?”

“your break.”

“break?”

“don’t act dumb, baekhyun. with jongdae?” kyungsoo sighs, rolling his eyes.

“um. not sure.” about 3 months, it’s been a month since jongdae was in the hospital.

“don’t you think it’s time to talk about it?”

baekhyun just shrugs, ignoring the both of them completely.

“why? scared you guys are going to break up?” jongin said, and as soon as he did, baekhyun tenses up. kyungsoo smacks the youngest’s head.

“is it wrong, though? to be scared?” he asks quietly. “i know we went a little too fast and i realised that, but it doesn’t mean i want us to end.”

“how you know your relationship is going to end if you don’t talk?” kyungsoo asks with the same tone, gentle.

“doesn’t it always?”

“no? just because you have disagreements and fights doesn’t automatically mean it’s over,” jongin says, “just look at me and krystal. we argue all the time but we still love each other. one fight isn’t going to make or break the relationship.”

“what he said,” kyungsoo adds, “besides, this is your ‘first’ fight. it isn’t that bad, and you just need to talk and be honest with yourselves.”

“he hasn’t reached out to me though,” baekhyun pouts.

“then you do the reaching out!”

“but what if he isn’t ready?”

“you’ll never know if you don't ask, right? it doesn’t hurt to ask,” kyungsoo passes his artist the phone, “unless you’re the one who’s not ready?”

“i miss him.”

“well, the phone’s right there. do what you think is right.” the both of them let baekhyun be as the latter stares at the phone.

** _‘shall we talk?’_ **

jongdae waits nervously and has never felt so suffocated in his own apartment. he shakes his legs while looking at the time on his phone: 6:58, baekhyun would be here any minute now. (if only he knew who was right at his door trying to gather every bit of courage he had left.) the doorbell rings on the dot, and jongdae sighs heavily, before opening the door.

“hi.”

“hi.” baekhyun raises the bags he was crying, “dinner, as i promised.”

they both sat down quietly to eat their dinner, both stealing glances of the other and engaging in very, very small talk. they were both fine, jongdae feels better, work has been alright, weather great… yeah, small talk.

it was clear that they were both delaying the inevitable: the talk, but they both also knew the only way to move on is to talk about it. and being the slightly more brave one, jongdae speaks up first.

“i felt like we were going too fast. i mean… i didn’t realise it until we… were on a break, but yeah, that’s why i could have never stopped and processed the entire relationship properly. i... um, i’m sorry but i don’t love you yet. i thought i did, but i… i’m not in love with you yet.” jongdae braces for the crying, the disappointment, whatever feelings baekhyun might have that would devastate jongdae, but the older just sighs, “me too.”

_huh?_

jongdae looks at him confused, the same man who has professed his love for the other suddenly doesn’t love him anymore? his heart breaks a little.

baekhyun made that breakthrough while in the waiting room for music core. there was a new song by a band (day6) and the lyrics hit him: 

_ if i didn’t go there, we probably wouldn’t have become a “we”. _

_ it feels like time has stopped i can only see you _

_ a person who i thought i only met in my dreams, is right in front of me (only you) _

_ when i close my eyes at night i fall asleep, drunk with you. _

_ i’m a man in a movie~ _

_ when we meet eyes, like we’re stars in a movie, beautiful _

_ i hope this moment continues _

_ i’m a man in a movie, since i have you i don’t want anything else _

_ this moment just feels perfect. i’m a man in a movie~ _

this isn't some sort of fantasy.

jongdae is indeedm still beautiful and really, if he didn’t do all the stalking research, they would still just be idol-and-fan, but this isn’t some sort of alternate universe baekhyun is living in. baekhyun smacks himself internally. this isn’t a cliche romantic movie, or a fairytale where the main characters would eventually fall in love with each other - this is reality. and in reality, fans don’t just get approached (though there are cases, very rare) by their idols and then date them. although that would’ve been some sort of dream, baekhyun needed to wake up from it. their relationship is something one would see out of a fan-fiction or a film, but never in real life. baekhyun realises he thinks he’s been living in some sort of fantasy, and he needs to ground himself. 

_ ‘this is reality. you’re not the main character in a hollywood movie.’ _

throughout the entirety of their relationship, baekhyun feels like he’s on cloud nine - _ like yes! he finally got the guy he wanted! _ but that’s all there is to it: cloud nine - some sort of fantasy, but the present time is the reality. jongdae would have reacted the same way someone in the real world would too. baekhyun was just way too over in his head. god, did it take baekhyun a fight to realise this?

he thinks and thinks - of course jongdae would have felt so… _ weird _ about all this. baekhyun is starting to feel it too; well not so much because he was dating a fan that he really admired, but rather his behaviour that went along with it. he gets why jongdae feels the way he feels; baekhyun did come on too strong, although admittedly, it’s part of his personality. but really, he knows could’ve toned it down a little.

he sighs, he should really stop being oblivious and start thinking about other people’s… _ jongdae’s _feelings. and maybe he should start evaluating his own too.

was he ever genuinely in love with the other? sure, he likes him, and he really admired him (oh the irony)... maybe love? it’s such a strong feeling, and he doesn’t know what it feels. maybe he jumped the gun, and he thinks he’s in love with jongdae, but isn’t. he’s in love with the whole cliche - maybe - since he is a sucker for unrealistic romantic film plots. but he could be in love… he doesn’t know. he sighs again, and realises his other super m members looking at him weird.

“how do you know when you’re in love with someone?” he says without thinking, his members looking at him weird, but kai looking at him knowingly.

“the only answer i have for you is that you’ll ** _know _ **when you’re in love.”

and that’s when it finally hits him.

he doesn’t.

* * *

“i mean…” baekhyun starts, “i think all these years i’ve always wanted to meet and be with you physically… not sexually i mean, like f-friends,” he stutters. “and i guess all this time i felt like my fantasy came true, and i was too caught up in it and… yeah, i guess i was likely more in love with the idea rather than you.”

“oh.” jongdae unconsciously sighs in disappointment, but baekhyun has yet to say his peace.

“i’m fucking insecure. ever since i was young, i put this… i put this pressure on myself. my parents didn’t, my brother didn’t… i put a lot of pressure on myself, and when i joined this industry, it piled up. i always wanted some sort of reassurance, some sort of praise that i was doing okay. even then, it wasn’t enough. even if a million people keep telling me i was doing fine, i’d still look around and think ‘god, i’m not good enough’. and... and i kinda brought that insecurity into the relationship. i kept telling you i love you, but you don’t. kept telling myself i wasn’t enough for you, needed to work harder to keep you, to have you by my side,” he sniffles. “with singing, at least people were praising me, at least i had some sort of knowledge that ‘hey, i’m doing decent, even if i think i still suck. but with you… you didn’t tell me how you feel about me, _ you didn’t know _, and i really thought i was doing something wrong, or doing nothing at all. i know that’s not the case now, you were just weird with how forward i was, and now that i know, i don’t blame you. i was weirded out just thinking about it… when you kept saying you didn’t know, i thought, ‘great i’m going to lose him’. just really fucked me up so bad.”

“i... i can try. it’s... i just needed time to learn to love something or someone, be it 2 days or 2 years.”

“i... i can too. i just want to apologise for going too fast, heck, i went too fast for myself to even keep up, i don’t know how you did it… i was blinded by the entire thrill, i didn’t stop to think about your feelings, and my real ones.”

“i want to apologise too… i didn’t realise that my lack of words could affect you, and i should properly think about everything. i really did try to be honest about my feelings and how difficult it is, and i know it would be difficult for you to understand as well…”

“jongin talked to me about it - i still didn’t get it then. but... i really do not blame you for your feelings, even if it took me a while to comprehend. when you were late, i really thought you didn’t want to show up, that our relationship is over… overreaching now that i think about it but… at that point of my life, i was just feeling really burdened by my thoughts that i didn’t think straight.”

“i disrespected you and our great work, and i’m really sorry about that. i wouldn’t miss any of your events, and i never did, until this one - which happened to be the most important.”

“the event… it’s not a big deal. honestly, i wasn’t even mad, i was just anxious; but you know, things happen, i understand. maybe we should… share our feelings even more? actually no, i should be more honest with my feelings. you were, but i wasn’t, and that led to us fighting.” baekhyun sighs, “i really didn’t want to talk because… i was scared i’d lose you.”

“i won’t go anywhere, hyung. i plan to be lovingbyun for as long as you’d let me.”

“but…” he looks up, “i don’t just want lovingbyun, i want kim jongdae too.”

“okay. whatever happens, you’ll always have me.”

they stay silent for a while before the older lightly jokes, “3 months is a long break.”

“yeah. like you… i was scared too. i didn’t want to lose you and affect our relationship in a negative way that i’d have to close my fansite. i really do enjoy supporting you, taking pictures of you…”

“you’ll always have me too. please feel free and continue to feed my ego with beautiful photos!” they both laughed, a nice change to the rather solemn mood. “i’m sorry for accusing you of making profits off of me. i know you don’t… but-”

“save it, water under the bridge. you were angry, and it was a pur of the moment. it hurts yes… but i forgive you. there’s no point thinking about it more.”

“are you sure?” jongdae nods.

“hyung... the flowers i gave you… do you know what it means?” baekhyun shakes his head at that.

“first emotions of love, the purple lilacs. i really meant it…” 

“oh.” baekhyun pales, he just told the other that he didn’t love him, and here jongdae is… professing his love, sort of.

“don’t worry, hyung. i think it represents whichever love we think we deserve.”

“dae… i… i’m sorry. i kept saying i loved you and now i’m saying i don’t… fuck, i’m so stupid.”

“hyung~” he whines, “it’s alright. why don’t we stop apologising for our past, and focus on our future? our feelings are our feelings, no one can tell us to feel otherwise, we talked about it, and we learn from them. never apologise for your feelings.”

baekhyun nods, and asks the final question, “but what now?”

“should we… should we break up? let’s... let’s start as friends again. we both never really… had a solid base of friendship… not that we need it! but i think our case is a little special. we start as friends again, because we do not want to lose each other, right?” baekhyun nods, and jongdae continues, “then we will see where life takes us. either into a relationship again… or just friendship. but i want you to be sure of it too.”

sighing quietly, baekhyun jokes again, “given it a lot of thought huh?”

“no, hyung! i mean yes… we did spend 3 months apart anyway… i really thought about it, and how circumstances may have been different if we became friends first… i wouldn’t know either way… but it never hurts to try, right? what do we have to l-lose?” jongdae stutters at the last part, because they both knew: everything. they could lose everything.

they both looked at each other sadly; neither of them wanting to part, but knowing this may be the path they needed to take. they really cherish and care for each other, and maybe if they slowed down a little, maybe, it’d work out.

“okay, let’s break up.”

so baekhyun’s worst nightmare did come true.

but strangely enough, he wholeheartedly welcomes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song is 'man in a movie' by day6!! one of my fave songs from them hehehe it's a happy song!
> 
> apologies for the angst on this v. happy day hehehe but be sure to leave nice messages on jongdae's lysn post <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JONGDAE TALKING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2020 AND JONGDAE NEW OST!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH feels unreal tbh
> 
> by the power of the 7 people who voted for my poll, here's another update! also,, it's one of my closest friend's birthday today and my mother's birthday tomorrow! exciting times!!!!
> 
> stay safe everyone~
> 
> p.s. i participated in the tinysparks flash fic challenge so do check them out and guess which one mine is hehehe <3

“so... just friends?”

“mhhmm,” jongdae fixes the camera in his hands and reattaches the case.

“no hard feelings… or any type of feelings at all?”

“nope,” he emphasised the ‘p’ sound, and placed the camera on the table, “is this 20 questions?”

minseok and chanyeol were looking at each other guiltily, before the former said, “we thought you’d be dating right now. you guys seem pretty much in love with each other.”

“maybe in the future? anyway, dating isn’t my main priority now. status quo before all this was best.” jongdae tries to give them his best convincing smile, but he still felt the entire outcome was bittersweet.

“sorry.”

“what for, hyung?” 

“for accepting baekhyun’s gig.”

jongdae chuckles, “none of it is any of your fault, the both of you. we’re both adults who can make our own decisions.”

“does soo and i bother you now that you’ve…?” chanyeol asks softly after.

“oh, so you’re both really a thing, huh?” jongdae shakes his head, “we’re still friends.”

“is that a good idea?”

“yeah, like i said. 2 adults. we make our own decisions. don’t worry about it.”

apparently, baekhyun’s friends also had similar reactions and worries, although neither of the ex-couple could blame them. they are now  _ all  _ friends after all; both groups of friends combining into one that is. sehun started dating another chinese celebrity, zitao, and even kris and junmyeon started dating ( after much pestering from the former). seems like the entire group is attached… except the two people who actually got all of them together. 

sure, it was awkward at first. although their personalities were friendly and outgoing, it’s natural for it to feel weird - with no help from their friends as well. whenever one of them talked, the others would just give quick glances to the other, which made the both of them uncomfortable considering the attention was on them for no reason.  neither of them felt awkward on their own accounts, the others had made it so themselves. they do still text each other and go out once in a while, but their busy schedules wouldn’t allow for too much free time.

very unfortunately, they both had stopped talking when baekhyun’s tour started, which also means that jongdae is also additionally busy… travelling and taking pictures of baekhyun. lovingbyun was thankfully still his safe space, so it didn’t feel weird still doing it. also, with nayeon and bambam by his side, it feels almost normal. almost.

okay, it feels a little weird, when he thinks about what they had, or what that could’ve been, but he doesn’t regret one single thing. jongdae always stood by living life with none of that, and also taking responsibilities and accepting whatever consequences it may entail from his actions.

fortunately, the rush of travelling and fan support-giving really distracted jongdae mostly from those thoughts, except the hours to himself he had in between concerts, but it’s fine… jongdae’s mostly fine.

the first leg of the tour, 3 nights in seoul, passed by in a blur. they managed to get tickets for all 3 at different parts of the stadium so they can get different angles, but the consecutive nights attending them made it so jongdae was busy every second with transferring photos, preparing their cheering kits and updating his sns. since it’s also been awhile, he felt a little rusty suddenly, many years doing this and concerts season still took the life out of him. he wouldn’t trade it for anything else though.

when he wasn’t lovingbyun, he was kim jongdae the photographer. ever since their gig with baekhyun actually, they have many more clients, both loving the work exoplanet photography did. eventhough they’d mostly seen jongdae’s work, some clients had preferred chanyeol’s style too, or they can incorporate both together, and the business was thriving well. 

luckily, jongdae had dates blocked out for when he had to travel around asia for the tour, but unfortunately he couldn’t make it to the europe or america stops, and even though nayeon or bambam would help take pictures for him, he ultimately decided on taking a break from his fansite. lovingbyun is important, but so is exoplanet. 

no one knew this, but he was secretly having thoughts on hanging up his camera once and for all (for lovingbyun that is), because everyday he finds that his passion is slowly waning, his motivation gradually just evaporating into thin air. he doesn’t know whether their break-up was the sole reason, or he was just tired, but he doesn’t feel the excitement and happiness anymore. of course, he still loves his idol, but it’s different now, bad-different, and jongdae is more conflicted than ever. he hopes this little break would do him good, because he seriously needed to take a step back and take a breather. he felt a little too suffocated.

* * *

“so he was here today?” jongin asks as they settle in their hotel room in hong kong.

“yeah.” it’s a frequent occurrence to see his hyung lying down on his bed, eyes glued to his phone. jongin observes him keeping tabs on his ex, even if they didn’t talk to each other anymore (as per baekhyun’s claims). he pities the other, knowing baekhyun misses jongdae but not being able to do anything about it. when he suggested just checking up on him, baekhyun would say the other may be busy, he’s busy, or ignores it altogether. when baekhyun wasn’t performing, he was moping, constantly staring at his phone in case jongdae would contact him or if there was a lovingbyun update. baekhyun even bought the cheering kit, and jongin or kyungsoo would always find it with him, all the time. it was not-fine, painfully so, for jongin to just watch his hyung staring at his phone and not being his usual happy self (even their other members realised it), and he can only hope this will pass.

except one day, baekhyun screams in their apartment. hearing this, kyungsoo and chanyeol (wait, what were they doing there?) rushed to his room, only to see baekhyun lying down still with his phone screen up. picking up his phone, kyungsoo squints at the bright screen in the darkness to see this:

♡bbh♡  @lovingbyun:

𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙩.

_ i’ll be back soon~ _ _ ♡ till then, let’s continue loving and supporting baekhyun! _

“oh, he didn’t tell me about this though… no wonder he submitted his -”

“he’s quitting?!” baekhyun shouts, sitting up suddenly.

“no,” chanyeol sighs, “his leave days. he’s taking a week off in 2 months.”

“wait, when?”

“um…”

kyungsoo put one hand up, “don’t tell him.”

the oldest in the room pouts, “what?! why?”

“you’re going to ‘coincidentally be at the same place at the same time’ wherever jongdae is and we’re all going to pretend we believe that,” kyungsoo puts his fingers down from his air-quoting, and knowing his schedule would free up by then, his manager is doing damage control because he knows his artist would pull something like this.

“i won’t~~” baekhyun looks away, knowing his manager knew he was lying.

“just talk to him, he would reply,” chanyeol supplies.

“our last messages together was me laughing about something and he left. me. on. read.”

“in his defense, there was no other point in continuing the conversation,” kyungsoo chimes in.

“soo, please, don’t hurt my heart like that,” baekhyun heavily sighs before realising, “wait, that means he isn’t going to america and europe?!”

“yeah, we’re busy with the company.”

“oh.” the idol physically deflates, lying back down.

“whatever,” kyungsoo throws his phone back on the bed and drags chanyeol out, “we’re going home!”

baekhyun doesn’t like to think about it, even if he constantly does, about how much he misses jongdae. if he was honest with himself, his heart has been heavy since the break-up, a sense of longing and a lot of sadness. while he still thinks it was for the best, the break-up has left him feeling simply… like  **shit** . he finally knows what it feels like, and he does not like it very much. he was looking forward to the second part of the tour, but knowing jongdae wasn’t going to be there, makes it a little less fun now. maybe he should ask jongdae whether he would be up for lunch before he leaves?

he didn’t. his excuse? jongdae may indeed be busy, according to chanyeol, and he stood by the boarding gate looking around at all the (not so legal) fans with their cameras, he had hoped to see the other. so, he boards the plane without looking back.

* * *

a very long one month later, baekhyun finally steps into seoul again, exhaling a sigh of relief. they get a bit of vacation after, at least a month thank god, and baekhyun definitely did not think of using his  stalking skills to find out when jongdae’s vacation days would be. he also hadn’t thought about the younger once on tour… (his sleepless night says otherwise). he decided to just lock himself up in his room and game. yes, that is the plan.

“hyung, for the last time: kyungsoo would kill me if he finds out i tell you when jongdae w-”

“please yeollie~” baekhyun pouts, “don’t you want your best friend and boyfriend’s best friend to live happily ever after?”

“but... it’s not like he blocked your number? or hate you for that matter. just call him up.”

“that’s not romantic… wait, why are you always meeting up at my house? kyungsoo doesn’t even live here.”

“just wanna make sure you don’t create any trouble,” kyungsoo shuts the door behind them, and baekhyun gets up to retreat to his room.

“wait. we need to discuss something. jongin!” kyungsoo shouts towards the younger’s room and he comes out.

“listen. the lease is almost up for you guys.”

“oh us too!” chanyeol excitedly and unnecessarily chimes in.

“so do you both want to continue or move…?” his boyfriend ignores the other’s antics.

“i’m fine with anything. if you want to move out, and stay with soojung, i’m fine too,” baekhyun tells jongin.

“are you sure? i don’t want you to be alone… but taemin and i have been discussing wanting to stay together… we can look for a 3-room if you don’t want to be alone!”

“relax, nini. i think i can stay by myself.”

“why don’t you stay with jongdae?” chanyeol suggests, “i can move in with kyungsoo, just like we’ve discussed!”

“wait what did you discuss?” baekhyun asks as kyungsoo warns the giant, “chanyeol." he sighs, looking at baekhyun, “we were thinking of moving in together. is all.”

“so fast?”

“yeah,” kyungsoo clears his throat, “anyway, do you still want to stay here or move someplace else?”

baekhyun thinks about it for a bit, before deciding, “let’s downsize.”

so they got him a two-room flat a few days later, right below not only jongin and taemin’s flat, but also kyungsoo’s (and chanyeol’s). he starts packing up his stuff. it was a newly built apartment building, hence, the many empty houses and they could move in immediately. 

“are you still going to have a jongdae shrine in your new apartment?”

“no.” well, baekhyun decided to properly keep the ones he didn’t want to display, he feels it’s weird now that they once dated… the ones he did want to keep up will be subtly placed in his room… somewhere. chanyeol was helping them pack when baekhyun took the opportunity to ask where jongdae was staying, now that he and kyungsoo would be staying together.

“oh,” the younger hesitates, “he said he was going to look for one himself.” he picks the box he was packing and moved away fast. well, that was suspicious.

since the apartment is new, baekhyun felt like he didn’t need to do much and with kyungsoo’s help, had only bought the furniture he needed. the move was moving faster than expected, although a little extra chaotic since not only baekhyun was moving, chanyeol and jongin were moving out too. they only needed to clear their things, and that was when baekhyun realises he doesn’t really have much (in his standards, at least). hoodies, sweatpants took the bulk of it, and soon, his 8 boxes of clothes (and lovingbyun merch) were on their way.

about a week later, baekhyun was all settled into the new apartment. he didn’t mind the much smaller space since he always kept to himself anyway, but it was nice to get an extra room for his now-expanded gaming hobby. yes, one whole room just for the gaming equipment he finally had space for (“hyung, if you had removed your shrine, that would be sp-” “shut up.”), so really, baekhyun thinks he’s nailing at this adulting thing.

and so he games for hours on end, till he realises that he hadn’t had a meal all day. he goes to the kitchen and finds he doesn’t have any food… more like anything he knows how to cook quickly, so he opted to get some fried chicken cheese balls delivered. it came half an hour later and as baekhyun opens the door for the delivery man, he saw many boxes outside his neighbour’s house across the hall. 

‘must be moving in too,’ he thinks, before thanking the delivery man and giving him a tip. a thought of helping his new neighbour out crossed his mind, but his stomach growled, so he opts to eat instead.

* * *

“PARTY!!!!!” chanyeol goes to pop the champagne baekhyun had brought, but failed terribly. kyungsoo sighs and successfully does it instead, before pouring everyone a glass.

“to us!” baekhyun cheers.

“why us?”

“why not?” he downs the champagne, and cheers again. 

“no more alcohol for you.” everyone knows how much of a lightweight the idol is, so kyungsoo takes away his glass before he drinks more, of course, to baekhyun’s whining.

they were having a housewarming party for everyone at kyungsoo and chanyeol’s apartment, and baekhyun was looking forward to drinking his heart out, too bad his best friend is also his manager. said friend had also placed some apple juice (‘ _ baby’s drink! _ ’) in his hands, and baekhyun pouts even more. it was a simple get-together, the super-m members, soojung and some managers. the only person missing is jongdae, and his ex didn’t dare ask for his whereabouts (nor did anyone tell him). reminding himself of that, he distances himself and mopes a little. sure, they were not dating anymore, so why did he feel sad like this? he taps the counter at the side, half-listening to jongin complimenting soojung yet again, when he’s saved by the bell.

“pizzas here!!” baekhyun rushes towards the door, ready to have his arms full of pizza boxes, but when he opens it, he feels like someone punched him in the gut.

“hi,” jongdae awkwardly waved, giving the other a small smile. this was the first time they’ve seen each other in months, and baekhyun feels his body quickly heat up.

“hello. come on in…”

“thanks.” jongdae side-steps around baekhyun, the latter looking down into his drink, when he hears a “sir?” the pizzas are here.

baekhyun tries to get some more alcohol in his system, he couldn’t deal with this sober, but kyungsoo would always, always stop him in time, and the idol curses his low tolerance. he hears a soft chuckle behind him a while after.

“manager keeping you away?” jongdae looks over his shoulder, before switching their cups. “mine’s got some white wine.”

“what?” baekhyun felt a little confused.

“just drink it. he’s not looking. a little won’t hurt, doesn’t look like you’re tipsy anyway.” baekhyun stares at the cup now, and jongdae continues, “i didn’t poison it or whatever. i can tell you needed it.”

“it?”

“a drink. to let loose. you’re too tense, hyung.”

** _hyung_ ** , it’s been a while.

“thanks.” the drink wasn’t much, so he downs it, internally grateful for some other drink that doesn’t rhyme with snapple.

“so... how are you?” jongdae drinks some of the juice he has.

“f-fine... you?”

“yeah, am fine too. congratulations on finishing the tour by the way.”

“thanks. encore next month.”  _ are you coming? _ baekhyun wanted to ask.

“oh? didn’t hear anything about that.”

oh right, the announcement wasn’t out yet. “insider information?” baekhyun nervously chuckles, “don’t tell your friends please.”

“i won’t,” he winks and baekhyun wants to metaphorically die.

“hyung, don’t be quiet around me please. it makes me nervous.”

baekhyun snorted, “you make me nervous.” wait, he wasn’t meant to say it outloud.

“oh. sorry,” jongdae gave him a sad smile and goes to walk away, but the idol stopped him, “please, i should be the one who’s sorry.”

“what for?”

“just... being awkward. i shouldn’t feel like this around you…”

“it’s fine, i totally underst-”

“why did you go on hiatus?” baekhyun changes the subject.

“oh. needed a break, i guess. i was busy with work so i couldn’t go on the second leg anyway.”

“yeah, chanyeol told me.”

“oh.”

“the pictures you took of me were still good though! as always.” 

“thanks. i enjoyed your solo stages.”

“yeah, something new for me, huh?”

“yeah.” they both looked around awkwardly, before jongdae asks, “have you eaten?”

“yeah, stuffed myself with pizzas as soon as they came. you?” 

jongdae shook his head, “join me anyway?”

“so is there a reason why kyungsoo wouldn’t let you drink, like you have work tomorrow, or is it only because you’re a lightweight?” jongdae takes a bite of the hawaiian pizza.

“lightweight, i think he forgets i’m older than him.”

“i think you forgot he’s your manager too,” jongdae jokes, “i’m surprised myself you’re not tipsy yet. should i sneak in some more alcohol?”

“please do.” jongdae chuckles again and gives him his drink. they both looked shyly at the other, before one of them said, “i miss you.”

and the other does a spit-take.

“i’m so, sorry, dae.” baekhyun grabs some napkins by the side and wipes down the liquid from his ex’s face, and dabs on his shirt too.

“it’s fine. shouldn’t give surprises, huh?”

“yeah…” baekhyun holds the used napkins awkwardly in his fist.

“so... any hint when the encore is. i need to make sure my schedule’s free.”

“wait, you’re coming?”

“of course i am, wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“what about your hiatus?”

“i’ll just come out of it? i did take about 2 months off already anyway.”

“are you sure you don’t need a long-”

“hyung, i wanna come to your concert. i feel bad enough i couldn’t go to the ones across the world.”

“don’t worry you didn’t miss much,” he drinks up again, he needed more.

“that’s not what nayeon and bambam claims… but maybe they just loved travelling and walking around the streets of western countries,” he shrugged.

“we can’t even travel around… i would love to see europe outside of the stage venues.”

“didn’t you film a reality show where you venture out and about in london?”

baekhyun shakes his head, “not the same. i don’t want any cameras on me, except my personal one…”

“when was your last proper vacation?”

“uh… now?” baekhyun chuckled, “i’ve got this month off and we’re totally going all out for the encore at the end of the m- oh, oops.”

“message received,” jongdae winks. baekhyun thinks he should stop that. he hiccups, but he wasn’t even tipsy.

“right, guess the drink stops there…”

“i’m not even tipsy though?” baekhyun tilts his head, and then straightens it.

“sure you’re not. maybe you should go back to baby juice.”

“i’m not baby!”

“sure you’re not.”

_ this would be the perfect time _ , baekhyun thinks.

“how about you?”

“hmm?”

“when was your last proper vacation? must not be easy trailing me around when you’re not working.”

“oh. good question. does touring with you be considered as holidays? because when i have a day or two, i do treat it like a vacation. but a proper one? not for the longest time. maybe to jeju at most.”

“oh. i guess we both need a vacation.”

“yeah.”

the silence came and stayed, baekhyun thinking he had failed when:

“i’m actually going on a vacation. to japan.”

bingo. “which part?”

“tottori prefecture.”

“oh, i don’t know where or what that is…”

“they have sand dunes and mount daisen. it’s in the countryside, and it’s got the yokai road too. i’m not sure what that is exactly but it’s really cool when i read about it.”

“you’re going alone?” baekhyun asks a little too fast.

“yeah.”

“the place sounds interesting…”  _ can i come with you? _

“yeah i’m excited.”

“wh-when are you going?” baekhyun clears his throat, heart thumping hard in his chest.

“um. next week? i think.”

“for how long?”

“just 5 days. hopefully, it’s more than enough.”

“wow, must be nice… say, should i travel too now that i have the time?”

“of course. i mean from what i’ve heard you locked yourself inside your house and game all day.”

“heard from who? you keep tabs on me?”

“whoa… slow down. it’s more like i asked about you and how you are. normal, right?” he chuckled.

“uh y-yeah,” baekhyun swallowed, “i…”

“i know we stopped talking, but i still worry about you, and i think about you more than i should,” jongdae admits.  _ i miss you _ .

“oh.”

“what happened to being friends?”

the older looks up, “you left me on read.”

“um, what was i supposed to reply to (kr laughing emoticon)?”

“i don’t k-know!! you could have texted me too.” baekhyun didn’t mean to raise his voice, obviously.

“yeah, i guess i could’ve…”

“well, why didn’t you?”

“i…” jongdae sighs deeply again. “i needed a break. a break away from you. that’s why i put the fansite on hiatus, and not being able to make it on your tour came at just the right time. i mean at first i distracted myself by delving into work and your seoul and asia concerts, with the fansupport and everything. but doing it all for and about you, kinda defeated the purpose of not thinking about you, and i realised i didn’t have much… i didn’t look forward to it like i used to. i wasn’t as passionate as before, and i was always thinking about what could’ve been… if we stayed together. now i know i wanted the break-up, but it’s almost impossible to not let it affect lovingbyun, right?”

baekhyun only nodded mutely.

“i still wanted to continue doing what i did because you’re still someone i truly admire and i still am passionate about lovingbyun, but overtime i couldn’t ignore what had happened in our relationship. like i said, i tried my best not to think about it, not to think about how we dated once upon a time, but i couldn’t not think about you when i’m doing all this lovingbyun things. so i just decided to take a breather and step back. i think it did me good.”

“so, are you not doing this anymore or…”

“didn’t i tell you i’d support you for as long as you’d let me?” jongdae smiles, “a break now and then won’t hurt. i also did imply i was attending your encore shows.”

“i…” he stumped, for someone who talks a lot, he gets speechless more often now. jongdae looks at the clock, “ah, i should go. i’ve got work early tomorrow.”

“i… i should go too. i wanna sleep.” baekhyun felt a migraine coming and he truly wanted to sleep, 

jongdae giggles, “come on, let’s go together?”

once they said their goodbyes, which took 15 minutes, they both headed to the lift and the younger pressed the buttons ‘5’ and ‘1’.

‘how did he know i lived on the 5th floor?’ baekhyun wanted to ask, but he doesn’t feel like talking anymore. the lift soon reached the 5th level and baekhyun stepped forward only to find jongdae doing so as well.

“oh, you don’t have to send me to my doorstep. i can handle it.”

“huh?”

they both quickly got out before the door closed, but instead of walking towards the right, like baekhyun thought he would, jongdae walked towards the opposite side.

“where are you going?”

“home,” jongdae states, “where are you going?”

“home? i live here,” baekhyun pointed towards his apartment.

“seriously?” baekhyun nodded, and jongdae continues, “because i live there.” he pointed to the only other door on the floor.

“what?”

they both stayed silent for a while, trying to take it all in.

“i guess we’re neighbours?”

baekhyun suddenly sees black.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JONGDAE OST DAY !!! REMEMBER TO [STREAM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_Anrap33oM&list=RDE_Anrap33oM&start_radio=1&ab_channel=1theK%28%EC%9B%90%EB%8D%94%EC%BC%80%EC%9D%B4%29) WHEN YOU CAN <3
> 
> as promised, another update for jongdae's ost release day! as i've some other fics coming up for his birthday, the next wwwbbh update would not be till next month probably. my arms also hurt from writing a lot of other fics lately so i haven't been able to continue with this just yet!! for now, i hope you enjoy this chapter till the next time!  
posted some other chensoo fics if u're int in those hehehe ok bye!

"and no one thought to tell us this?” baekhyun hears as his brain processes these weird sounds. his head hurts, his eyes hurts, everything hurts. he blinks open his eyes, to see at least 3 figures on top of him. eyes half open, wherever he is at feels familiar, but at the same time, it’s foreign to him too. he closes his eyes and opens it again, seeing things a little more clearly and clears his dry throat. the 3 figures - jongdae, kyungsoo and chanyeol - were all looking at him now, but baekhyun couldn’t find it in himself to sit up. his body hurts. 

“hey, don’t stress yourself. you took a huge fall,” jongdae, he thinks, speaks softly, and baekhyun nodded once. he groaned, and the younger continued, “you collapsed so suddenly, i didn’t react fast enough to catch you. so you fell completely, not head-first thankfully, then i called these 2 to come help you up. you passed out for about 20 minutes.”

“baek, we’re sorry.”

not being able to voice out because his head does hurt, he groans again and jongdae quickly passes him some aspirin and water. 

“here.” he helps the other up by his head and feeds him the pill and water, but once baekhyun realises how near their faces were, he does _ it _ again.

this time, with the tablet half dissolved onto jongdae’s face too.

“s-sorry!” baekhyun manages to cough out, fully sitting up now. kyungsoo stood beside them with some tissue, and helped wipe jongdae’s face.

“wouldn’t be the first time tonight.”

baekhyun attempted to wipe whatever was left on the younger’s face, but he suddenly screeched in pain.

“whoa, relax. you hit your hand hard when you fell, i suggest you go take a look at it before the concerts.”

“concerts?” kyungsoo narrowed his eyes at baekhyun, “you told him?”

“it slipped…” kyungsoo takes a look at his hands, and suggest they go to the agency’s doctor first thing in the morning, “now you need some rest. let’s bring you back to your apartment.”

“wait!” jongdae shouts, “sorry. but why didn’t any of you tell us that we were staying in the same building let alone the same floor?” kyungsoo and chanyeol looked at each other nervously, and jongdae realises, “wait yeol. did you purposely put us together? considering you found me this house?”

“soo found me the apartment too…” baekhyun chimes softly.

“well, we… uh, slipped too,” chanyeol spoke up.

“how?” the exes asked.

“we were going to put you on different floors, but there was a miscommunication. i thought that baekhyun was going to live on the 5th, and jongdae the 8th… but chanyeol thought the other way round and that’s how you ended up on the same floor… we didn’t realise until we helped jongdae move in.”

“why didn’t you tell us then? you can literally just go over and knock on the other’s door and be like ‘hey, your ex is living opposite of you! gonna be fun, isn’t it?’” jongdae huffed. “whatever, just bring hyung home and we will discuss this another time. i need to be up at 8am and it’s currently 1.” right, jongdae needed enough sleep to function.

baekhyun briefly remembers kyungsoo and chanyeol dragging him to his apartment, stripping off his clothes before knocking out again.

baekhyun was fine. his hand did get a little injured, but it would be alright in about a week. unfortunately, his gaming plans were thrown way out the window since his right wrist was out of commission, but once he gained back the energy, he scolds kyungsoo.

“seriously soo? why didn’t you tell me?! you’re my manager for fuck’s sake!”

“i’m sorry! we didn’t know what and how to say it and the next thing we know, you both met at our apartment and were talking and then you collapsed after you left!”

baekhyun groaned, “seriously… i’m fucking pissed.”

“what’s so bad about living next to jongdae-hyung?”

“firstly, he is my fucking ex?! secondly, i’m more pissed you didn’t even think to tell me. but back to the first point, wouldn’t you be pissed if i bought you an apartment next to seungho and didn’t tell you?!” he sees kyungsoo’s nose scrunched up, seungho was a horrible ex. “exactly! _ fuck _it’s so simple to just say that you made a mistake, soo. i’d be annoyed but i wouldn’t be mad pissed.”

“hyung, i’m sorry…” kyungsoo says gently, and although baekhyun knows he’s being very genuine about it, he still couldn’t process that he was living next to the man he was trying to get over.

“whatever. get out.” kyungsoo immediately takes his leave and once left alone, baekhyun screams into the pillows.

there was a knock on the door, and he groans loudly one more time before he goes to open the door.

“hello.”

“h-hi…” baekhyun sees jongdae with bags of food, and invites him to come in, “i hope that’s for me. don’t you have work?”

“done with it and yes, for you. kyungsoo told me you couldn’t really use your right hand and having just one working hand sucks. so i figured i’d help where i can. i hope you’re in the mood for fried chicken.”

that was the worst 2 hours of baekhyun’s life.

well, and also the best.

_ how do you act around your ex when said ex is trying to help you eat, because you couldn’t do it yourself? _

“it’s fine, i can just put down the chicken and wipe my mouth d-” baekhyun couldn’t even finish his sentence when jongdae has already wiped the sauce dripping down his chin. he tried not to choke seeing at how attentive jongdae was to him, and instead looked at the television, playing some k-drama with park seojoon on it. baekhyun adjusts himself, and when he accidentally hit his wrist against the table, he hissed.

“are you okay? does it hurt badly?”

“i’ll be fine, jongdae. i’ve dealt with worse.”

jongdae sits up straight, and clears his throat, “sorry. i’m hovering.”

“you’re not… just relax, okay? you should eat too.” the younger nods and finally eats. “are you excited for your trip?”

“yeah… but i… i was thinking of not going…?” he mumbles.

“why not?” jongdae looks over at baekhyun then at his wrist, but luckily, the latter caught on. “jongdae, i told you i’m fine.”

“just worried…” he continues mumbling.

“jongdae, you don’t have to do that - worry about me. we’re not…” ‘_ boyfriends anymore’ _ was unsaid.

“i... i know.” he sighs, and puts down the chicken, “i’ll bring you back a souvenir.”

“okay…” baekhyun chuckles softly. “can you believe we’re neighbours because they couldn’t differentiate between a 5 or an 8?”

“yeah. the chances are so small but somehow they defied it.” he paused, and said, “or maybe fate is cruelly just playing us.”

“maybe.” silence envelopes them, and baekhyun remembers the night before. 

“for what it’s worth…” he chokes out, “i m-miss you too.”

jongdae was confused for a bit, before realisation set in his eyes. “you... you don’t have to say it just because i did…”

“no i mean it. i can’t stop thinking about you no matter how hard i tried. you should ask our friends; so many times i asked about you for them to tell me to contact you directly instead… but i was afraid, i was a coward and i couldn’t face you. i almost did send a few texts, but i convinced mysel you were busy or some other stupid excuse, and i don’t.”

“i would always reply, you know that.”

“i wasn’t sure how it would be. we broke up because we needed to find ourselves, _ so why couldn’t i stop thinking about you? _ i always wondered. we were my first relationship, which also means that we were my first break-up. i didn’t know how to act. chanyeol had let slip you were taking some vacation days, and when i asked about it, kyungsoo stopped me. i even tried asking your friend secretly, and everyone keeps telling me to just pick up my damn phone and call you. i was also wondering where you’d move to since chanyeol moved in with soo, but they kept mum about it. it’s truly frustrating.”

instead of sympathy like baekhyun was expecting, jongdae instead, laughs. 

“don’t worry, they did that with me too. when i asked them about where you'd stay, they’d say the 'same apartment'. i didn’t think they had meant the literal same apartment building then.”

“but, why did they think it was even a good idea to put us in the same building? we’d bound to see each other eventually...” baekhyun wonders.

“i don’t know what is going on in their heads. they were probably thinking about it for a few seconds before they pounced onto each other.”

baekhyun grimaces, “i hate that you’re probably right.”

“so a lot of our problems would be solved if we’d communicate better… we never did learn from our relationship.”

“yeah... so what should be our game plan for now?”

“we should… talk more? i guess… i don’t know.” jongdae shrugged and sighed, “i just wish things weren’t so complicated.”

“yeah, i get what you mean.” 

“um... can i ask you a question?” jongdae raised his brows at that and nodded. “do you, um… like… like me…? not as boyfriends or idol-fan just… do you see me…” baekhyun takes a deep breath, “do you envision going on a date with me?”

“are you… are you asking me on a date?”

“no!” he shouts, scaring the younger a little, “sorry. just… i don’t know.” he sighs, “i want to figure my feelings out.”

“me too… should we go on a date? a proper one this time.”

“we’ve always been on proper dates,” baekhyun defends; 2am dates are still dates.

“no,” jongdae giggled, “i mean… like a proper first date. the awkward touches, the awkward conversations… no feeding each other… no overwhelming confessions. just 2 awkward men going on a first date.”

“oh. where do you suggest we go then?”

“just the simple date cliche: dinner, movie and a walk. nothing your wrist can’t handle.”

at that, baekhyun brightens up, “but who’s going to feed me with my hand not in working order?”

“then only one of us would eat,” jongdae jokes back. “let’s go on a date when i come back. your wrist would be fine by then right? can you fit in one date before you have to practice for your concert?”

baekhyun sighs dramatically, “fine. i guess i’ll make an exception for you~”

* * *

baekhyun giggles for the nth time that day.

“stop giggling like a middle-school student. who are you even texting? everyone you know is here.” ouch, it would really hurt if not for baekhyun giggling yet another time.

“who else, soo? he’s texting jongdae,” chanyeol smirks knowingly, “and i know that because jongdae’s currently online now.”

“but how do you know they’re texting?” jongin asks.

“because my best friend just sent me this: _ i sent this to baekhyun too and loooved the joke. get some humour _. the joke was pretty fucking lame by the way, so he’s the only one who would laugh at it since he's whipped for jongdae.” chanyeol points at baekhyun to emphasise his point.

“shut up,” baekhyun bites back, his reddening cheeks not helping.

“for once you’re right, babe.”

“whoa!” chanyeol sat up, “a compliment from my boyfriend?! well that’s new!” kyungsoo rolls his eyes, but with the corner of his lips turned upwards, he’s more amused than annoyed.

“so like what, hyung? you and jongdae hyung are dating again?” jongin ignores the couple, but the person he directed the question to was smiling at his phone too much for it to be normal. “earth to baekhyun-hyung?”

“hmm? what do you need jongin-ah?” baekhyun asks without looking up.

“i’m asking,” the youngest huffs, “whether you’re back together.”

“no? who told you that?”

“no one. so... what are you guys now?”

“friends.”

“you weren’t even texting before,” kyungsoo brought up, “and suddenly you are?”

“he came over after i kicked you out.” at that, everyone sits up alert, prompting baekhyun to continue. “we talked, and decided we needed to talk more. and now we’re talking.”

“that's it?! why didn’t you tell us earlier?!” chanyeol whines.

“why didn’t you tell us that we’d be stayin-”

“point taken,” chanyeol surrenders.

“he got you there,” jongin chuckled.

“anyway, we’re just talking, so calm your horses.”

“well, i don’t know about the lovebirds there, but i’m glad you’re at least talking again. it sucks that everything has to be awkward when you first broke up.”

“yeah. but you guys made it awkward for us too. it’s fine, i think we’re okay now.”

“that’s good, so you can stop moping now.”

“soo, you’re fired.”

“you need me.”

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: i paid 50 yen and got a balloon ㅠㅠ

**♡♡jongdae♡♡** : <a href="<https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DpX-YGpU8AAJ8NR?format=jpg&name=medium>">[picture attached]</a>

baekhyun squealed; it was a cute selfie of jongdae, with some eye balloon behind him.

**baekkie**: cute ^o^ the balloon i mean, not you :)

**♡♡jongdae♡♡: **:(

**baekkie**: nuu! i’m joking… you’re very cute <3

**♡♡jongdae♡♡:** i guess… i’ll just keep this cute stuffed, talking corgi i got for you :(

**baekkie**: no dae i’m kidding :(( </3

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: :(

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: oh hyung! look at my food ><

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: [picture attached]

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: i felt like i ate alot at lunch so i’m going to eat some dessert now :) 

**baekkie**: super fun ^^ what are you doing later?

**♡♡jongdae♡♡**: not sure yet >< why? i can video call now if you want?

baekhyun softly gasps, and gets up, “i’m going to go to your room soo.”

“i don’t have my own room.” the idol stops in his tracks and looks into the spare room, huh. “i’ll go into the spare then.”

_ “you guys sleep together?” _ he hears jongin ask before he shuts the door behind him.

he sits down on the bed and shakes his legs nervously and excitedly for jongdae to call. they’ve been video calling ever since jongdae flew out to japan, and before that, jongdae would always come over with food and they’d eat dinner together. his excuse was to make sure his idol eats and not game all day (baekhyun found a way to game with one hand out of commission), but really, baekhyun thinks jongdae would never need a reason to come over, his door is always open for him.

“hi hyung,” jongdae greets once the video call connects.

“hey dae. i wanna see my corgi!”

jongdae chuckles on the other side, shaking his head, “it’s a surprise~ where are you hyung?”

“i’m in kyungsoo’s spare room. hey, did you know they both slept in the same room?” the younger shrugs, “not surprised. with the amount of sex they have, i wouldn’t be surprised if they had christen the bed you’re on too.”

baekhyun makes a sound - something of pure disgust - before he gets up and sits on the cupboard, that should be safe.

“anyway, are you sure you don’t need me to pick you up from the airport?”

“yes hyung. i already asked chanyeol to pick me up.” baekhyun was initially supposed to pick him up, but once kyungsoo informed him of his schedule an hour before his arrival, jongdae make the older promise him he wouldn’t pick him up.

_ “i wouldn’t be tired, i promise!” _

_ “no hyung, you just recovered. i can find some other ride. do. not. pick. me. up.” _

but byun baekhyun is stubborn, so he was definitely going to coerce chanyeol into letting him pick the younger up. (_ ‘it’s the least you can do after you lied to us.’ ‘how long more are you going to hold it against us when it’s clear you’re both enjoy being neighbours?’ _)

“don’t bring him into this hyung. i don’t want to burden you.”

“you’d never be a burden, dae.”

“i’ll just see you at home for dinner, okay?” jongdae licks the last bit of his ice cream, and honestly? it got baekhyun thinking about some not pg thoughts.

“umm, fine… what do you want to eat?”

“korean bbq? we can finally use the grill that you bought on impulse. i think the supermarket near our place sells good meat.”

baekhyun sighs, “of course, kim jongdae would only choose the most expensive food since he’s not paying for it~”

“of course~ only the best from the nation’s vocalist~ when else can i get good meat if the idol isn’t paying for it~?” he teases back. the older pouts at that, “fine… only the best for the best~”

“don’t worry, hyung. i promise i’ll cook it.” baekhyun had wanted to talk more when he hears some mumbling right outside the door:

_ ‘i told you he’s talking to jongdae!’ _

_ ‘and i told you not to be a busybody. get away from the door!’ _

he thinks he hears jongin giggle before the idol stood up and opened the door, only to find the taller ones of the 3 falling onto the floor in front of him. he shows jongdae what mess had just happened, and the younger laughs.

“hi everyone, i see you were enjoying our conversation too?”

“hi dae, how’s japan?” chanyeol coughs awkwardly as he gets up from jongin, who stayed lying on the floor.

“it’s great, yeol... just like i told you 10 minutes ago.” his best friend coughed again as he backs up towards kyungsoo.

“how long have you all been eavesdropping?” baekhyun asks.

“i didn’t,” kyungsoo snapped. baekhyun nods once and looks at jongin, while jongdae looks at chanyeol.

“just enough to hear who exactly you’re talking to? i wanna prove the other 2 right,” chanyeol explains.

“satisfied now?” baekhyun asks, before chasing them all out and closing the door.

“give them a break, hyung,” jongdae speaks up, “you know they mean no harm.”

“they asked me just now if we were dating.”

“what did you say? did you tell them about…?”

“no.” baekhyun and jongdae decided not to tell anyone they were going on a date, they wanted to keep their relationship, whatever it may be, a secret until they’re sure of anything. “after just now, i think it’s a good idea to keep it hush. i want us to be about us only, no one or nothing else.”

“yeah... anyway hyung, i’m going to go walk around now. i’ll see you at dinner tomorrow?”

“okay~ i’ll buy the best food for my jongdae-ya~~”

jongdae giggles and baekhyun thinks that’s the best sound in the world.

* * *

“on a scale of 1 to 10, how mad are -”

“10. a solid 10.”

“dae-”

“i told you not to do it, but you did anyway.”

“i got you really good pork?” baekhyun tries to calm the other down, only to see jongdae glare back at him.

_ 10 minutes earlier; _

jongdae shuffles on his feet. he’s getting really antsy and hungry, yet chanyeol hasn’t been responding to any 23 of his texts. granted, his friend was driving and his flight landed much earlier than expected, plus immigration was a breeze, but chanyeol would always acknowledge once to his many messages. he focuses on all the oncoming cars to see the rover that could _ not _be missed, only to see a familiar audi car driving towards him. he couldn’t see the driver at first, but he just knows it’s the same exact person he did not want to see at that very minute. jongdae just ignores it when the car finally stop infront of him, which forces baekhyun to roll the window down.

“i’m not getting in,” jongdae states, not even looking at him.

“come on dae. chanyeol isn’t coming. just put your bag in the boot and get in.”

“no.”

“chanyeol is not coming. i paid kyungsoo to have sex with him. i can’t come out to help you under his strict orders to not attract any unwanted attention so please, i beg… get in.”

“no.”

“it’s either i drive you home fast or you take the bus~”

“so be it~”

“fine!” baekhyun rolls up the window, and… drives away. jongdae looked at the retreating car in disbelief, he’d think baekhyun would argue with him more, and that he would’ve eventually gave up and got into the car. he thought for a long while on how he has to seriously get himself home now, when he hears a honk. 

“we can stay here all day~”

“what did i tell you?!”

“hey, listen, you know i was going to do it anyway. i’m famously stubborn.”

“you mean infamously?” jongdae snarks, “open your boot.”

“you really paid kyungsoo to-?”

“no! you think those two idiots need to get paid to bang? they’d bang 24/7 if they could.”

“please don’t say _ bang _.”

“anyway, they wanted to eat dinner with us but i told them i only got food for 2, so they can show up another time. but i think soo knows i wanted to spend time with you so they didn't fight it.”

“aw, how sweet~ but i wanted beef hyung. not pork.”

baekhyun sighs, “you’d think i would only get one type of meat?”

(he got 3.)

“so you’re not mad, right?” baekhyun asks as they settle down at the dining table and start cooking.

“no,” jongdae pouts, “not mad. just a teeny bit upset. you’re tired and i already said it’s fine.”

“and how did you know i was tired exactly? today’s schedule was just me sitting down and talking, dae.”

“oh. i just feel like i’m burd-”

“i offered, jongdae. if i knew i couldn’t handle it, i wouldn’t have offered.”

“fine,” he sighs, “let’s eat~”

“your luggage bag was heavy.”

“mhmm, i didn’t bring a lot of clothes but brought back a ton of souvenirs.”

“for me?” baekhyun asks hopefully.

“yeah the corgi.”

“only the corgi~?” baekhyun pouts this time, and jongdae nods his head, snickering. he puts the cooked meat onto baekhyun’s bowl, “here, eat!”

“thank you~”

“mm? why are you acting cute all of a sudden?”

“i’m always cute.”

“no? well, yeah… but you were never doing aegyo this often.”

“i only save aegyo for you~” he cooes, opening his mouth when he sees jongdae pick up some meat for himself. the latter only rolls his eyes and shoves the meat into his own mouth, the former pouting, again. 

“i already gave you some! i’m hungry!”

“is this how you treat your hyung?!”

“is this how you treat your dongsaeng?” he retorts back, and baekhyun sticks out his tongue. “so mature, hyung.”

“wow, the corgi really looks like you. like i predicted.” jongdae gifts baekhyun his souvenir after they were content with dinner and conversation, and the latter hugs the life out of the huge toy.

“it’s almost life-sized!!!”

“if we’re talking about you, it’s life-sized.”

“ya! we’re almost the same size.” jongdae laughs at his hyung whining, and pinches his cheeks, “okay, maybe you’re cute.”

“tell me something i don’t know!”

“i got you something else~” he takes out a velvet box and baekhyun gasps, “are you going to propose?!”

“what? no! i knew you were going to say something like this.” jongdae sighs, “maybe i shouldn-”

“no no! i want it! give me!” he speaks like a child wanting some candy and the younger opens the box, kneeling down on one knee.

“i found these rings at a traditional market and thought it’d be fitting for us. so byun baekhyun, will you-”

“yes! yes i’ll marry you!” the idol laughed hysterically after, and jongdae followed suit. if anyone sees this, they’d think that the both of them had been friends for a very long time, or are a match made in humour heaven, and they're right. well, at least jongdae gets the other’s humour and sits down properly back on the couch. 

“they’re handmade. friendship rings?” the rings were gorgeous, baekhyun thinks, it was not extravagant nor was it too simple; it was simply elegant, and honestly? if they were real wedding rings, baekhyun would’ve said yes.

“uhm... d-do you like them?” jongdae shuffles nervously, only to see his hyung’s eyes brighten and nodding vigorously. 

“put it on me~” jongdae removes one of the rings and inserts it on one of baekhyun’s dangling fingers, and it fits perfectly. 

“pretty~ just like me!” baekhyun admires the ring, and then looks over to jongdae, who was looking at him so lovingly and fondly, that he had to look away. it didn’t mean that the older’s ears didn’t redden significantly though, but he was too distracted with his own feelings that he didn’t see jongdae’s little dilemma too.

“now are you going to do the same for me too?” jongdae passes the box to baekhyun, and he does the same. and a few seconds after, they both had two rings adorned on their middle fingers.

baekhyun admits, this dinner felt very much like a date, but he doesn’t want to scare the other, he doesn’t want to screw this up again. talking with jongdae had always been nice, except for when they fought obviously, and he doesn’t know how to describe it accurately, but he feels safe and comforted by the younger. he feels calm, at ease, soothed, and he doesn’t want to trade whatever he has with jongdae for anything else. his heart? well, he knows he definitely likes the younger, but to what extent, he’s still yearning to know. only time can tell, he thinks, and he wishes for the best, that’s yet to come.

baekhyun insisted that he’d go home, flights had always taken a toll on him, so he knew jongdae felt the same. the younger truly appreciated it, and as he lay down on the bed all washed up and clean, he raised his hand. honestly, he wasn’t really thinking when he saw the rings; he just knew it’d be perfect for them both. the old man selling them made these intricate yet elegant rings by hand, and he sells them to earn some money to support his wife who needed special treatment for her rare illness. at least, that was what the translated sign said, but for whatever reason, jongdae would’ve still bought the rings anyway. the old man had asked whether he wanted it engraved, and behind the rings, a simple ‘b x j’ was written. of course, he didn’t tell the other, he wanted to see how long till baekhyun realises it was there, and jongdae is heavily anticipating it. 

he had expected two reactions: one was baekhyun being speechless and freaking out (in a bad way) or the other, where he takes it in his stride and over exaggerates, in a good way. he’s relieved to see the latter, because obviously, the marriage thing was overly dramatised, and then he took the rings in a positive light rather than the negative.

he doesn’t want to mess it up this time. whatever it is they have, it was only going to get better from here, he knows.

  
  


they decided to go on their ‘first re-date’, as baekhyun calls it, two nights after, and it was easily the weirdest date they’ve been to yet. jongdae ‘picks’ baekhyun up from across the hall, only for baekhyun to drive them to the outskirts of seoul. the younger had known this gopchang place that was ‘to-die-for’, and it wasn’t really known to a lot of people. perfect dinner place, if only it still… existed.

“hyung, i’m sorry.”

“it’s alright, we didn’t know,” baekhyun says calmly, hoping it gives off the same effect to the other, but with how jongdae is shuffling anxiously, like he always does when he’s nervous, baekhyun seeks a fast solution.

“hey, look~ there is another restaurant there which sells gopchang too. shall we go there instead?”

“what if it’s not nice, hyung?”

“we’ll never know if we do not find out, right?” the idol pulled jongdae to the restaurant, and requested to be seated at the corner. although the place was practically empty, they hadn’t want to risk it. baekhyun ordered 2 servings of gopchang and some side dishes, and they only waited a few minutes before the food came. the food turned out to be decent, and soon they were on their way to the theatres. like jongdae had suggested, they should’ve bought tickets in advance, because when they got there, the time slot for the movie they had wanted to watch, was canceled due to no demand. the next slot was an hour later, but since it was already a little late, and they both had work tomorrow, they settled for another random movie. sure, it couldn't be too bad, right?

wrong. it was a horror movie, and neither of them particularly enjoyed horror. both left the hall a little scarred, needing a few minutes to compose themselves, before they went on that walk. just a short one before they ended up at the convenience store, and shared a bowl of ramen and some snacks since they were just a little hungry. they didn’t really engage in any pda; for two reasons: sneaky fans or news outlets, and to not scare the other. funny enough how they both thought about the latter, hence, not initiating even the slighting bit of hand-holding.

they ended their date at around midnight, jongdae finally relenting and allowing baekhyun to send him to his door, before they bid for the night. they’d promise to meet tomorrow night at whoever’s house, even if it’s for some small talk. baekhyun couldn’t guarantee he’d be back for dinner since he was beginning to practice for the encore concerts, but since they literally lived right beside each other, it was much easier to meet.

that night, they both slept peacefully, and the happiest they’ve been for a long time.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sike. im almost done w the fic so might as well update (and maybe finish) it before wwwbbh's 1-year anni LOL
> 
> happy birthday to the loml <3 mr kim jongdae i love u and miss u. pls i beg. release a third album,,, a full album is preferable... or like email me the album :////// i pray for your happiness always. but really my email is-
> 
> also, if you hadn't seen [this](https://twitter.com/sunnysidechen/status/1307878412988510211?s=20) yet...
> 
> anyway <3 enjoy!!!
> 
> p.s. i've only come to realise that nayeon's birthday is tomorrow! happy birthday bb <3

“come on come on!” bambam murmurs. the three musketeers were trying for superm tickets, one person for each night. they’ve done this many times before, and every single time there was always a 50-50 chance they’d get tickets.

“are you sure baekhyun can’t get us any?”

“if i were still talking to him, i’d try nayeonnie.”

“i know it was a joke.” she groans, “aish, this is always so stressful!” of course, jondgae had to keep his relationship, whatever it was, a secret from them. if they didn’t even tell chanyeol or kyungsoo, they wouldn’t breathe a word to anyone else. they hope it wouldn’t backfire on them.

“calm down guys, calm the f- oh my god it’s live! go go go!” 

minutes of violent trying, clicking and screaming later, they had only managed to get nights 1 and 2. night 3 was a complete bust, even when they all tried for it in the end. usually, when this happens, they’d wait for the second round of ticketing the day after for cancelled tickets, and if they couldn’t, they’d just wait it out. some way, somehow, they’d end up with tickets anyway; bambam and nayeon really had strong ties, and jongdae always feels bad for not pulling his weight.

_ “it’s fine! you’re working, we aren’t. it’s not like we are doing it for you only, were doing it for us~” _they would say. gosh, jongdae was really lucky when they found each other. 

they then discussed what encore merchandising they were going to do, and settled with square slogans, as well as photocards and photo-tickets. since they had less than 3 weeks to do it, they needed to produce fast. for efficiency, bambam would do the designing, jongdae would find the pictures and edit them into the final product, and nayeon would source out and find the best suppliers. every single concert would always be something new, so it was exciting, yet still tiring.

they ended up doing a ‘night’ theme, complementing the theme of the superm concerts, and 4 hours later, they sent their final designs to the printing company, and waited. collective sighs resounded in the room, and a stomach grumbled.

“chicken?”

“yes please,” bambam sighs, already thinking about the fried food melting in his mouth, “extra cheese.”

jongdae picks up his phone, he usually don’t tend to it when he is working, but wasn’t shocked to see baekhyun’s 10 texts.

**baekkie**: did you get tix?????

**baekkie**: i heard it sold out in like 2 seconds

**baekkie**: ok maybe i’m over exaggerating but still 

**baekkie**: jongdae ????

**baekkie**: oh maybe ure still trying pls text me back..,

**baekkie**: how abt now?

**baekkie**: if u don’t get tix i can try to get some on my side :):)

**baekkie**: just say it’s from ur sugar daddy or something ;);)

**baekkie**: did u get them?

**baekkie**: oh gtg pls text me back

**jongdae**: i only got nights 1 and 2… trying for night 3 in two days when they resell all the cancelled tix

**jongdae**: i feel like it did sell out in 2 secs,,,,,

**jongdae**: anyway if ure my sugar daddy, where is my $$ because i’m spending on YOU…

**jongdae**: sugar baby ;)

“who are you texting?” nayeon peeps over at her oppa smiling at his phone, “boyfriend?”

“friend, he sent something funny, that’s all.”

“hyung, ever thinking about settling down?” bambam asks, “you’re the oldest amongst us all.”

“mhmm,” nayeon agrees, “almost 30 too.”

“i’m only 26.”

“same same. should we hook you up?” bambam pulls up his phone and looks through his contacts, “oh!! i have some friends in mind~ should i give you their numbers?”

“oh!” nayeon pipes in, “i have some single friends too~ le-”

“guys!” jongdae laughs, “i’m fine… i’m actually seeing someone.”

the younger two gasped and asked for ‘deets’. jongdae just explained they met through work, and realised they got along well. nothing set in stone yet but it’s been going good. technically, jongdae wasn’t lying.

“ah~ no wonder you’ve been so hush, hush lately… what would baekhyun-oppa say when he knows you’re taken?”

jongdae coughs out, “w-what?”

“oh please. we know our idols have favorite fans, and you’re his,” bambam sassed, “when you tell him you’re taken at the next comeback, he’ll probably cry there and then.”

“i’m... i’m not hoping to date him or anything.”

“oh we know,” nayeon smiles slyly, “but if he could, oppa would sure want to date you.”

“n-no... no…” jongdae just waves it off, not even thinking of the irony of it all… no.

“oh please, you have obviously not seen the way hyung looks at you~” bambam sings, “he really does look like he’s in love with you, even other people notice.”

“yeah! i’m sure. that’s why i still don’t believe he didn’t know who you were. he never mentioned it? not even once?” jongdae shakes his head at nayeon’s question.

“weird. anyway, it doesn’t matter when you’re finally going to have a boyfriend~~” she teases, “invite us to your wedding, will you?”

“yeah, you guys can photograph the wedding. free labour, cost-saving.”

“hey!” they both complained, with bambam continuing, “when you get married to baekhyun, make sure to get super good food and the rest of the boys to perform. maybe hook me up with a date with tennie?” nayeon found that hilarious, but jongdae just chokes on air.

“aye hyung~ i’m just kidding! baekhyun wouldn’t stand a chance against your boyfriend~~”

oh if only they knew.

baekhyun enjoyed it. what did he enjoy exactly?

“why are you laughing at my expense?!”

“what~ i think it’s cute how they’re insulting me, sort of, but the truth is that you’re actually dating me. don’t you find it ironic?!” he continues laughing

“of course i found it _ ironic _. i had never wanted to remove myself from a conversation so bad.” jongdae rolls his eyes and suddenly stops moving. “did you say we’re dating?”

baekhyun finally stops laughing and looks at the younger, “are we… not? it’s okay if we’re not, i slipped an-”

“whoa whoa breathe, hyung. we have been on 3 dates.”

the idol deflates and gulps, suddenly nervous.

“hyung, relax,” jongdae holds the other’s hands. “we both enjoyed them, right?” the other nods hesitantly.

_ on their second date, jongdae had surprised baekhyun with a picnic, a bit of deja vu of sorts, but this time they went to the beach at night. it was a very pleasant surprise date - it wasn’t too windy and it was a relatively quiet night. baekhyun was having such a bad day when jongdae (with kyungsoo’s help) showed up at the company and drove him to the beach. even though he was tired, baekhyun feels the exhaustion leave his body as he listens to jongdae talk. the younger one was always loud and animated, but this time, although still animated, was gentler and softer. baekhyun barely said anything, he doesn’t feel like it, but he finds that jongdae could read his mind as he says, “it’s okay if you don’t say anything. i’ll do the talking and everything else tonight, you just relax, okay hyung? you deserve it, and i don’t want you to worry about anything right now.” by the end of it, he was eternally grateful for this rare, peaceful date, and even more so for jongdae. _

_ their third date was really just a dinner to celebrate jongdae being done with this extra problematic client they had, and baekhyun came over with some soju and beer in hand. luckily neither of them had work, so they stayed up watching a movie while cuddling each other. kyungsoo had found them entangled on the sofa the next afternoon, before reminding baekhyun that he indeed had a schedule, and baekhyun curses as he gets up to wash up. _

“so since we both enjoy it… why don’t we talk about it on our 4th? i want you to focus on your concerts first, then we can talk about labels.” right, the encore concerts were fast approaching, and although it was still as stressful as ever, jongdae helps baekhyun a lot by just being by his side (he hadn’t told the other though).

“okay yeah, that’s a good idea. this concert especially is stressing me out.”

“i hope you don’t put that much pressure on yourself. you’re an amazing idol, everyone knows that.”

“i don’t think the nervousness of doing concerts will ever go away... heck, this is our tenth year, our special 10-year concert. the standards are really up there.”

“i’m 101% sure this concert is going to be your best ever.”

baekhyun only sighs and asks, “are you sure you secured tickets for the third night?”

jongdae nods, “i managed to get them on the resale, don’t worry. i’ll be there.”

“always?” baekhyun asked shyly.

“always.”

* * *

“where is it~~?” baekhyun asks as soon as he steps into jongdae’s house. since they knew each other’s passcodes, it was normal for them to come over unannounced (if they're sure the other’s home of course).

“where’s what?” jongdae comes out of the kitchen, “nice timing, you’re lucky i cooked for 2. i thought you were busy?”

“schedule was canceled. now, where is it~?” baekhyun looks around the other’s apartment, seemingly looking for something.

“maybe if you told me what you’re looking for, i can help you?” he places two cups down and gestures to the table, “come eat, baek.”

“your cheering kit! i just saw that you have the real thing and i wanna see it!!” baekhyun bounces excitedly, “from the notices you’ve already posted, i know it’s nice but i wanna see it in real life~”

“the real thing is at nayeon’s house though? i don’t have it~” he teases.

“what?” baekhyun’s body deflates and he pouts, the younger wanting to kiss it away but opted to laugh instead.

“yeah, she took the pictures and sent them to me. do you like it?”

“i wanna see it~~~ then i’ll decide,” he whined.

“i don’t have it, what am i supposed to do? i posted it all online!”

“ask nayeon to bring it to you then!”

“i’m sure you bought it.”

baekhyun stops mid-bite, “kyungsoo told you?! that snitch!”

“no?? you do know i handle the shipping right, mr kim bacon? who so coincidentally has the same address as me?”

“what! no... i don’t know who that is…” he mumbles, stuffing his mouth with food.

“you couldn’t even write the correct address! you paid for shipping to _ my _apartment.”

“well, technically… i wouldn’t know where you live.”

jongdae sighs, “i’m going to refund you the money. you can get your own kit for free and add it to your shrine.” yes, baekhyun still had his own little lovingbyun corner in his gaming room. not as much stuff as before, since he only put up his favourites (which he already claimed is already hard to choose).

“no~ just give me the kit now. no refund, no anything.”

“you’ll get it the same time as everyone else. we are still packing. in fact, i’m going to nayeon’s tomorrow so we can send out domestically first.”

“then bring one home tomorrow. i want to be the first one to have it.”

jongdae just smiles, “i’ll think about it~”

* * *

it was a hectic day; jongdae having work until 3pm, before going over to nayeon’s to help with the packing. they managed to finish everything at about 10pm, and he heads home after promising to come back the next day so they could head to the post office. he pressed the 5th floor, leaning against the lift until it soon reached the floor. he turned towards the right, and keys in the passcode. opening the door, he expects to see the owner of the house, but all he sees is darkness. ‘that’s weird,’ he thinks, baekhyun did say he was at home. jongdae pulls out his phone to shoot a text, when a loud screech sounded from his right and he shrieks.

“aha! i scared you!!” the voice was normal now, his owner switching on the lights in the room to see jongdae collapsed on the floor, holding onto the left side of his chest and phone on the floor.

“oh my god, dae, i’m so sorry~” he picks the younger up, phone perfectly alright (thank goodness), and puts him on the couch, jongdae still full of shock.

“what. the. heck?! don’t fucking do that!” he smacks baekhyun repeatedly until the idol got his message, before he lies down completely, kicking the other away.

“dae, i said i’m sorry~ i waited for you for 20 minutes to show up for a harmless prank… i didn’t know you were so easy to sc-”

“i wasn’t scared. i was shocked. surprised. feeling like i’m on my deathbed.”

“i am sorry~~” baekhyun whines, kneeling beside jongdae and pouting, “will you forgive me~?”

jongdae sighs, “sure… i was going to give you a gift b-”

“gimme gimme!!” baekhyun puts on his hands, opening and closing his fists continuously like a child wanting some candies from his parents.

“nope,” jongdae shakes his head, “for the stunt you did earlier, i don’t think you des-”

“it’s the cheering kit, isn’t it? you just came back from your friend’s house and i asked you to bring me back home one! gimme!”

“nope,” jongdae held his bag tightly, “i’m going home.” he goes to get up and the older tackles him into lying down again, with the latter on top of him and pushing him down.  
“you can’t leave now. willingly give it to me or suffer the consequences!!” he warns, a mischievous smile on his face. 

“and you think you’re intimidating?” jongdae snorts, “you’re like a puppy, you can’t scare anyone.”

“oh really now~?” baekhyun lets go his grip on the other’s arms, only to smack it hard on his chest and starts tickling him. there was a huge struggle on jongdae’s side, but baekhyun is not one to baekhyun as they forgo the couch altogether and roll onto the floor, jongdae’s bag be damned and both trying to get an upper hand. there was screaming, a lot of laughing and squealing, and they both should be grateful they’re the only ones on the floor, or someone would call the cops. breathless and tired a few minutes later, baekhyun gained the upper hand (credits to his gym trainer) and jongdae was back to where he first started, lying down on the floor, trapped by the older.

“you can’t escape now~” baekhyun leans even lower, “i win.” well he really would have, if not for him realising a second after how close he was to the younger. seems like jongdae noticed too and they both stood still, neither wanting to move before the younger takes the plunge and leans in. 

_ ‘finally _ ,’ baekhyun thinks, _ ‘we’re fina-’ _

“agh!” he didn’t even manage to finish thinking when jongdae took advantage of the moment to flip them both over.

“well, i win now.” he gets up and moves away quickly before baekhyun could even react. “bye hyung!”

baekhyun sighs. so he was the only one feeling this way… huh.

* * *

they didn’t exactly get to see each other much after that; mostly because baekhyun had to practice day and night. while they still message and call each other as much as they could mostly baekhyun demanding where his cheering kit was, and to that, jongdae replied that he had already ‘mailed’ it to his house, since baekhyun couldn’t even write the correct unit number (this was how often he came over, his delivery app was even programmed to deliver food to jongdae’s house), and to grab it when he’s available (he wasn’t). 

jongdae does prepare when he can some dinner (or breakfast) for the older, always reminding him to eat even when they didn’t see each other. he was busy anyway too, with concert preparation as well as completing an important assignment for vvip clients. they finally met the night before the concert, since the company had wanted baekhyun to rest up before the back-to-back shows and jongdae finished work on time as well.

they decided on some _ganjang gejang,_ which the younger brought, while baekhyun promised him some beer and cooked rice. 

“you bought fried seaweed?!” baekhyun exclaimed when he saw jongdae unpacking the food. 

“yeah for myself. you need to eat healthily for your shows, right?” jongdae asks innocently, taunting the other by biting into a big piece. baekhyun did what he does best, pouting and whining, even opening up his mouth for extra effect in hopes jongdae would feed him some. the latter could not be swayed though, as he walks away with the fried goodness while he asks baekhyun to bring the crab to the living room.

he keeps the bowl away from the idol, to the older’s disappointment and starts eating like baekhyun was not staring at him in anticipation. jongdae’s eyes were glued to the movie infront of him.

“dae~~~” the older shoves his entire body against the other, like a puppy, and leans his chin on the shoulder. “seaweed please~~” he says in his best aegyo voice.

“you have a concert to perform at.”

“one won’t hurt~”

“one means one whole bowl in your dictionary.” jongdae manages to tear a piece of crab meat and feed it into baekhyun’s mouth, the latter gratefully eating it.

“feed me the seaweed please~~”

“i’m telling kyungsoo on you.”

“you say like he isn’t busy being deep inside your best friend,” baekhyun pouts, before deciding that it was a lost cause and starting to eat the crab himself.

jongdae, who was drinking, makes a face of disgust, “gross… but what makes you think kyungsoo to-”

“please. convince me how chanyeol would be the top?”

“he’s bigg-”

“not at where it matters. trust me,” baekhyun says… a little more proudly than jongdae would have expected.

“how... would you know that exactly?” jongdae looks at him questionably. 

“two words: chopsticks and toilet.”

“_ what _?” jongdae confused, before it dawned on him.

_ “so it says here that you did something rather peculiar to get closer to your members,” soogeun reads, “what did you do exactly?” _

_ “oh. since i joined a little later than the others, and i hated awkward moments, i decided the best way to get closer was to shower with them.” this stuns not only the cast of the reality show, but also the staff and crew behind the cameras. but sure, it was not weird… right? _

_ “i’ve been doing this since i was really young, when my brother would lock himself in his room and i wanted to get into his room. i’d use chopsticks that i’d find in the kitchen and pick the locks of the door. in our dorm, i’d do that when someone is showering, and washed up with them. i also did it with my manager when he used to stay together. i’ve seen some rather impressive things…” _

“i’m surprised kyungsoo didn’t try to kill you.”

“oh he did. i just came back alive i guess. king energy only,” baekhyun shrugs. smiling smugly.

“no one says that.”

“well, it’s never too late to start making it a trend, right?” baekhyun says as he looks longingly at the seaweed, chewing and devising a plan to steal some. he sees it, he wants it, he has to have it. his eyes suddenly brighten up, he has an idea!

he takes another bite and smiles innocently at the other, who was distracted by the screen in front of them. jongdae’s was so entranced by the singing sisters, that he did not even realise when baekhyun was leaning towards him until he did. 

“ya! what are you doing?” jongdae pushes the older away, talk about personal space.

“nothing~ just wanna be close to you~~~~” he sings. that warrants some suspicion from the younger, who saw where baekhyun’s eyes were looking at, and pushes the bowl of seaweed further.

“hey!”

“no. seaweed.” baekhyun pouts, but doesn’t move away from his place. “can you scooch?” jongdae asks.

“i’m comfortable where i am.”

“i’m not.”

“too bad.” baekhyun sticks his tongue out and continues eating. he needed a plan b. he really, really wants the fried seaweed, but settles for watching some man trying to woo the female character in the show. 

“when am i going to find my prince charming~?” baekhyun sighs, leaning his head against his shoulder. 

“are you even actively looking?” jongdae asks.

“hmm? why should i, when we’re dating?”

“aw how sweet of you. maybe i’m your prince charming after all.”

“maybe~ why do you want to be mine?” baekhyun shoots his shot and looks over at the younger, who turns too.

“is this your way of asking me to be your boyfriend again?”

“why? is it working?” 

“what if i said no?”

“then i have to up my game,” baekhyun says ominously. 

and the unexpected comes - baekhyun launches himself on top of jongdae, causing the latter to choke on whatever it was he was chewing as he tries to recover himself.

“what the hell are you doing?!” he continues coughing before lying down quickly. baekhyun just smiles and leans forward, noses touching and scrunches his. jongdae expects him to learn forward and to finally, finally press their lips together…

but baekhyun suddenly gets up and before jongdae could process his mind properly, the former cheers loudly. jongdae hears a crunching sound. getting up, he glares at his idol, happily munching on two crisps at the same time - one on each hand.

“geez. and here i thought i was going to say yes…” he mumbles, getting back to his crab. this seems to distract baekhyun from his already 3rd piece of seaweed.

“you... you were going to say yes…? to…?”

jongdae seemingly ignores him in favour of the screen, and baekhyun’s stomach churns. has he single handedly ruined his chances to become jongdae’s boyfriend _ (again) _ for deep-fried seaweed? suddenly, the fried snack doesn’t seem too appetizing anymore.

“dae,” he tries, and fails. he pokes the other. “dae…”

“mmm?”

“were you going to say yes to being my boyfriend?” he asks shyly this time, not entirely sure he wanted to hear any answer.

“wait, you asked? i wasn’t aware of it though…”

“oh.” baekhyun deflates, ‘maybe he doesn’t want to be my boyfriend?’ he thinks.

“i can’t answer if you didn’t ask~” he moves and snatches the seaweed bowl from the other, “2 is more than enough.”

“hey at least give me my half-eaten one~”

“nope,” jongdae picks that piece and finishes it in one bite.

“hey!” 

“you can have some after your concerts. now hurry up and eat, you need to rest up.”

* * *

“batteries?”

“yep.”

“memory cards?”

“mhhmm.” 

“till this day, i’ve no idea how you manage to sneak in cameras into the venue.”

“i have my ways. or kyungsoo could get me some special privilege?”

“i’m sure you can directly ask your idol to do that for you,” chanyeol sighs, “how would i survive these 3 days without my soo-bear?”

“you’re literally staying with him?”

“yeah but he’s going to be coming home late and we can’t have s-”

“nope. don’t even wanna hear it.” jongdae gears up to go to nayeon’s to help her with the merch. “i’ll see you on the other side~”

the rush to give out their cheering kits and freebies had almost made jongdae forgot about checking up on his gifts for baekhyun. he figured it’d be faster to text kyungsoo, and he has never in his life been so anxious about his pre-concert gifts until now. the _ three musketeers _would always pool together and provide not just for their idols, but the entire group (and crew) as well. they’d used their own pictures taken of them (jongdae personally has a lot more taemin photos than he thinks he has) and wrote personal messages for each member, wishing them all luck. anyway, they were all pro-OT7, and jongdae, again, is glad to have friends like nayeon and bambam.

**kyungsoo**: yes we received them, but he hasn’t reached the venue yet. your message is cheesy by the way.

**jongdae**: always. anyway, makes sure he sees the present in the teal box before anything else, that is the most important one of it all.

**kyungsoo**: sex toys?

**jongdae**: you and your boyfriend talk too much. goodbye.

they went to eat before the concert, and there is when jongdae gets a text message, actually 18 messages, from a certain byun baekhyun.

**baekkie:** ummm????

**baekkie: **UMMM ?????????????????????

**baekkie: **JONGDAE?

**baekkie: **IS THIS THE ACTUAL SIZE

**baekkie: **it is HUGE????

**baekkie: **is this some sort of upsized versioN??? of my FACE????

**baekkie: **the note???? I am actually sobbing ?!??!?!

the note wasn’t much, it was just the cheesy ‘good luck and be safe’ kind of note, just in case the staff checks them. although now it did include a: _here’s your limited edition life-sized cheering kit, hyung! hwaiting!_

yes, jongdae blew the cheering kit up and well, it isn’t entirely life sized, but almost. he got the idea to do a little prank/surprise once he saw that one of the kits were addressed wrongly to his address (he did refund baekhyun the shipping fee, and the latter probably did not realise it), and he was about to settle for ‘i didn’t receive your order’ when he sees a huge banner. bingo. a life-sized cheering kit, he’s sure baekhyun would love it.

**baekkie: **[pictures attached]

**baekkie: **i got soo to take pics of me with it! but he said it was crumpled so they weren’t nice…

**baekkie: **but whatever you do is amazing anyway so who cares about what he thinks! ★.★

**baekkie: **thankkkkkk youuuuuu ㅜㅜ ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

**baekkie:** should i dedicate an entire song to u???? hehehehehehe

**baekkie:** ok but like… where should i hang this? my room? my gaming room???

**baekkie:** this NEEDS to be hung idec ^3^

**baekkie:** hung in the art museum???? 

**baekkie:** bc i’m the art yes but the artist behind it is worth much more

**baekkie:** it’s really pretty in real life wow

**baekkie:** just like you (•¯ ∀ ¯•)*

jongdae chuckles at that, and was typing some replies when nayeon commented, “ah, must be the boyfriend~” he doesn’t know that his face has given it away, but he kinda figured it out at the other two’s snickering.

“does he know you’re baekhyun’s fansite?”

um, “yep.”

“and he’s fine with it, he doesn’t think it’s weird?” bambam asks this time.

“nope, he finds it amusing actually. he admires my work.” well, baekhyun really does admire his work, so he wasn’t lying.

“wow, you might’ve found the perfect one.”

he wishes, “maybe.”

“don’t pressure him, noona. today he has his eyes only on baekhyun hyung.”

“ah, right~ try not to break baekhyunnie’s heart while you’re at it~”

**jongdae:** it looks good, hyung ^^

**jongdae:** my friends are teasing me again ^^; saying i found the perfect one who is okay with my fansite hobby ;-;

**baekkie:** little did they know 헤헤헤

**baekkie: **i gotta go… we need to warm up. see you at home, dae ^^

**jongdae:** see you! hwaiting!

“hyung, we should go in soon. you can continue talking to your boy when we enter.” they all packed up, their bags much lighter now and headed into security. thankfully, they managed to sneak through the guards and settled down in their seats. it would be closer if they were to be at the standing pits, but: 

  1. they hate standing for long periods of time.
  2. their cameras were good enough that the pictures would still be superb quality when zoomed in.

they are big on being comfortable, since they wanted to enjoy the concerts anyway.

(and there is no way in hell would they want to deal with all the squeezing and deafening screaming from the other fans. personal space please, thank you.)

the concert started about a half an hour later, and honestly, with these things, it feels like they are always fighting against time. they would help each other out as much as they can, uploading previews if their biases are not performing or in between performances when the vcrs are playing. they have their own rhythm and pattern that works, but it still always goes by too fast before needing to do something else again. 

they started with their debut song, and progressed through a lot of their songs from the older albums. ments, activities since it’s their special 10-year concert… and then came the solo and unit stages. they each got a solo stage, and a few units; jongdae was definitely not prepared for baekhyun’s. he never is, but this concert takes the cake.

“hyung, i will take the pictures, you enjoy the performance.” it starts with a band playing the instrumental of a tune he hasn’t heard before, but when it starts, jongdae quickly realises it’s a new song. he starts off gently:

_ tell me once again _

_ tell me you love me like you did that day _

_ i can't understand with my heart _

_ why you said you loved me _

_ but now you're trying to run away _

_ so that the race of our love _

_ can never end babe _

_ if you turn away now _

_ we can never come back to this _

jongdae swallows hard, this already seemed to hit a nail.

_ tell me once again ooh, ooh, ooh _

_ say that you love me again _

_ don't leave me alone baby _

_ just stay for the night baby, yeah _

_ tell me that you won't leave me _

_ tell me your love again, hey _

_ come back to me again, ooh _

_ tell me your love again, hey _

_ come back to me again, yeah _

_ i want to put everything back the way it was _

_ i'm where i've always been, i still love you _

oh god, jongdae wants to puke. just a little bit.

“are you okay, oppa?” jongdae unconsciously ignores her as he listens to the rest of the song.

_ you filled up my everything (doo-doo-doo-doo) _

_ it's floating, like a balloon _

_ i’m filled with those memories _

_ i'm still just as i have always been _

his head starts ringing, heart starts beating fast, and his body starts shaking. he doesn’t want to be delusional and think this song was about him, but it is a little too close to home… right?

“hyung?” bambam brought him back to reality, “must be really shocked by that performance, huh?” he chuckles, pausing the video-tape recording of the performance. 

“um, yeah,” jongdae clears his throat and straightens his back.

“you’re looking a little pale though, are you sure you’re okay?” nayeon asks, and jongdae nods this time. he calms himself down and refocuses again, with shaking hands, he takes a couple pictures as previews for his sns. the concert continues, with a unit performance from baekhyun and kai. it was much less nerve-wrecking and not hitting any nails, and thankfully, the rest of the concert continues on like that.

after concerts, they would find a spot where they could collect themselves and upload whatever they could. they would find their way back home after. so they can rest up for the next day, but _ really _, they’d spend the rest of the nights editing and uploading high quality pictures. they would regret it when they wake up, but an unhealthy amount of caffeine and food will help them power through.

jongdae gets home fairly distracted that night, grateful nayeon would drive them home this time (they took turns at every concert). he finds the source of his distraction (baekhyun) standing outside his door waiting for him. 

“i rang your doorbell and texted you, and figured you weren’t home yet.”

“yeah, i was trying to upload photos of you…” baekhyun knows this of course, he’s always notified, remember?

“i know, come on, let’s see what you have for me~” baekhyun punches in jongdae’s code and enters, the younger rolling his eyes, “ya, is this your house?”

“are you asking me to move in with you? aw, i’m flattered, but i like having my own space.”

“across from me, yes? so, this isn’t your house.” baekhyun nods, throwing himself onto the sofa.  
hey! have you even showered?”

“of course i did, can’t say the same for you though,” baekhyun scrunches his nose in disgust at that.

rolling his eyes again, he excuses himself to shower, before the idol stops him, “hey! let me see my pictures, i can choose some first while you bathe.”

“_ your _ pictures?” jongdae snorts while opening up his laptop and plugging in his memory card reader.

“yeah pictures of me are mine, right?”

“no, they are my pictures of you, there is a difference.” he inserts 2 of his cards and opens the files, “aren’t you tired?”

“nope,” he pops the ‘p’ sound, “still a little pumped up. wait, you?”

“oh now you care…” jongdae gets a drink, “i was still deciding whether to stay up or not but i guess the answer was at my front door.” baekhyun beams brightly. “be right back.”

jongdae towel-dries his hair as he walks out of the room, baekhyun, who has now helped himself to some snacks, was scrolling through pictures about halfway through the concert, if the younger remembers well. he wants to, but he hesitates in asking the burning question. instead, settling for, “found any that you like?”

“mhmm, they’re all amazing though. can you send me some?” jongdae nodded and sat next to the idol on the floor. baekhyun leans on his shoulder, sighing in content as he watches jongdae do his thing, adding his watermark, clicking and moving his mouse vigorously, like it’s some sort of game and then uploads them on twitter for everyone to see. 

“what caption should i put?”

“maybe ‘the most amazing human being on earth’, with a lot of heart eyes to follow it?”

“oh.” jongdae ponders, “but i’m not kai’s fansite though?”

it took awhile for baekhyun to understand and of course, he whines, “you’re so mean~”

jongdae just laughs and types in _ ‘the most amazing human being on earth’ _ before typing out his hashtags and pressing ‘tweet’. “happy now?”

baekhyun nods, “i haven’t finish picking the pictures yet.”

“i’m not going to post everything, so just pick a few more. gonna grab some fruits.”

“what time are you going to sleep?”

“soon, you need to rest too.”

“i can’t. i have too much adrenaline from the concert to sleep.” 

jongdae comes back an apple and bites into it, “and you’re going to be tired for the concert tomorrow.”

“i’ll be fine~” jongdae decides to upload just 8 more pictures, more than he usually would, before he decides to call it a night. he leaves baekhyun be and retreats to his bedroom, thinking the latter would retreat back to his own apartment as well. what he doesn’t expect is for said man to toddle into his bed and wrap himself around the other like a big spoon, “goodnight.”

“this isn’t your room.” jongdae’s mind goes into overdrive at how he feels the older’s breath on his neck.

“i know.” cuddling even tighter, baekhyun soon falls asleep. they’re dating sure, and this isn’t their first cuddling session, but it was their first sleepover. this feels a little different, jongdae doesn’t know what to think. 

well, except for baekhyun’s solo song, but that’s a story for another day… right?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> end of chentember :((( but here's the promised chapter for this week! 
> 
> also, i wrote this [fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26455450) for tinysparks so please do check it out if you read sechen that is hehehehe
> 
> enjoy! ^^ see you next week.

“good morning.” baekhyun walks into the kitchen with messy hair and tired eyes. jongdae figures he needed a good breakfast, so he prepared some rice, eggs and sausages for the idol.

“morning. wow, this is like a feast for me already.”

“concerning, but okay. sit down and eat, what time is kyungsoo picking you up?”

“um? 2? i think.”

“okay, i’m leaving a little earlier.” jongdae sits down and starts to eat too, their morning going about normally like nothing new happened last night. again, the question lies at the tip of his tongue, but he is still reluctant.

“how was the concert last night?”

“mm, amazing as usual. it’s really different from your different concerts though, so it was… is there a bigger word than amazing?”

“baekhyun.”

“what?”

“_baekhyun _. i’m a bigger word than amazing.” jongdae rolls his eyes, “whatever,” before stuffing his mouth again.

“how about…” baekhyun hesitates, “um, my solo song?”

jongdae tries not to react too much as he replies, “it’s really good, did you write it?”

“yeah, i wrote the lyrics and helped with the arrangement too.”

_ just ask him, jongdae. _ “i really like it. is it… are you going to release the studio version of it?” _ coward _.

“maybe, depending on the agency. i want to, but it’s not within my control,” baekhyun shrugs, “you’re coming later right?”

jongdae nods, “i’ll probably take lesser pictures though. day 2 is when the three of us usually just enjoy the concert. we do take photos but just enough to post some by the end of the night.”

“ah i see,” baekhyun pulls up his phone and giggles, “your photos got a lot of likes and retweets. i mean just look at who picked them?”

“they didn’t know you picked them.”

“ok but i’m the subject of your photos though…?”

“yeah well, i’m the one who did the clicking and the editing. i deserve some credits here,” jongdae rolls his eyes as he stands up and cleans his plate once he is done. 

“of course, you make me look prettier than i already am,” baekhyun too follows suit and stands beside him at the sink, “thanks for breakfast.”

“you’re welcome. i’ll clean the plates, can you bring the rest of the dishes in please?” jongdae looks over at the other, and almost chokes on his own spit. not only was baekhyun’s face near, but the way he looked at him caught him off guard. he stepped back a little and quickly looked away, red crippling up his neck as baekhyun walked away and did as he’s told. it’s getting overwhelming, jongdae feels like he needed to be more aware now.

“dae?” baekhyun looks on worriedly.

_ ‘more aware’ jongdae’s foot. _

“um, did you say something?”

“yeah, where do you want me to put these?” he raises the plates he’s holding. jongdae just points to the empty area beside him and baekhyun puts them down.

“everything okay? you zoned out for a bit there.”

“yep! everything’s dandy…”

“okay... i’ll just go back to my apartment to rest up a little more and wash up. see you later?”

“i’ll send you to the door. are you coming by later?”

“maybe~” the idol says teasingly, “i don’t know, it’ll be a surprise~”

“i shall just change my password then.”

“wait no!” baekhyun turned around suddenly and they both bumped their foreheads. “ow.”

“ya, watch where you’re going!” jongdae steps back, rubbing his own forehead. he’s lucky he stepped back before he realises how close they could’ve been.

“‘m sorry!” baekhyun pouts, looking up at him since he was a step below jongdae. “kissies?”

“_ kissies _? what are you? 4?”

baekhyun nods, “at heart.” he dramatically puts his hand over his heart and bows.

“okay now go before i have to drag you to your own home!” jongdae chuckles, swatting the older away.

“fine fine!” he stood up straight and smiles (jongdae’s heart swoons at this), “bye.” the next thing jongdae registers is baekhyun running away giggling, and the former holding his cheek in shock.

baekhyun just kissed him. on the cheek, but still. _ baekhyun kissed him. _

* * *

"oppa? are you okay?” jongdae, for the second time that day, zones out, and he nods his head.

“must be tired from last night. i feel like you would never get used to this even after 10 years,” bambam comments and jongdae agrees. well, they didn’t need to know the real reason why he’s acting this way.

“let’s distribute these then we can eat and sit quickly,” nayeon puts down the bags and proceeds to send out collection tweets.

the second night was better than the first, maybe it was because the three of them paid much more attention? anyway, jongdae looking at two of his friends with their lightsticks and booming voices made this all more fun. the boys were funnier and more relaxed too, probably because there wasn’t much pressure than the first. the concert ended soon enough, good times do go by faster, and the next thing he knows he’s staring at an empty front door. huh, maybe baekhyun was tired. he punches in his passcode and enters, to find the lights on and the water running. what?

“oh hey, you’re finally back.” baekhyun enters his line of sight, “come on, i got us some tteobokki and fishcakes.”

“you had time to buy and come over with these when you just ended your concert?”

“don’t be silly! i asked kyungsoo to buy me extra since he was going to buy some for chanyeol and himself anyway. come sit and we can look at the pictures together.”

“i can’t tell if you like looking at your face too much or you just really like hanging out with me.”

“the first one for sure, i mean, have you looked at me?”

“oh no, i’ve been taking photos of mark. i don’t even see you.” he puts his bag down and removes his camera, “didn’t take much today though. today was really entertaining.”

“yeah, the company asked us to let loose more… anyway, it doesn’t matter. pictures please~!” jongdae plugs the memory cards into the laptop and passes it to baekhyun, who awed at every picture.

“okay but… i’m not in awe of me, but rather how these pictures were taken. it makes my ugly self look really, really good.”

“you’re not ugly… stop saying things like that.” he takes a bite of a piece of fishcake, oh, it’s good.

“oh, my solo pictures are good…”

“oh, didn’t take those. nayeon did. i just sat back and enjoyed the performance.”

“oh? how was i… how was i today?” jongdae watches his hand just hovering over the mouse, not even touching it.

“amazing, as always. i recorded it if you wanted to see it.” he points to the only video recording in the folder. baekhyun does click it, and puts it into full screen. he grabs his tteobokki and continues eating it. the video starts off quiet, the band playing the instrumental after. baekhyun appears soon after and starts singing.

“your outfit’s really nice. i’m sure it wasn’t your stylist’s decision.” superm’s outfits are always questionable, so their stylists do not have a good reputation amongst the fans.

“yeah, we get to pick our own clothes this time.” baekhyun hesitates for a while before speaking up, “the song… it’s nice… right?”

_ huh? why was baekhyun asking the same question for the second time today? _

“i mean! i performed it okay today, right? i... felt a little off…”

“yeah, you sound great, like always. you don’t sound off or anything. to me, anyway.”

_ i want to put everything back the way it was _

_ i'm where i've always been, i still love you _

* * *

baekhyun was getting a little annoyed. just a little. does jongdae not get the hint? he stares at the screen playing his solo again, sighing internally. he had written this song personally, but jongdae hadn’t even asked what or who inspired it. wasn’t that the normal reaction to ask someone when they hear they wrote a song?

heck, even sehun, the most oblivious of the group, said it was obvious to everyone around them that it was about jongdae, but apparently, not to the subject himself.

“mmm, the tteobokki is really good.” he sees the younger not even looking at the screen anymore and focusing on his bowl. while the rice cakes are truly delicious (kyungsoo knows where’s best), baekhyun is trying to pour his feelings out here! through! this! Screen! not very ideal, but it wasn’t like he could just shout out his name in the middle of the concert.

wait, maybe he cou-

“hyung?”

“huh?”

“have you picked the pictures yet?” 

baekhyun could see the screen now back to the large selection of pictures, and he realises, “right, pictures.” he leans forward and picks a few rather half-heartedly, watching jongdae do his thing again.

should he just be blunt about it? would that scare him off? 

“hyung? are you tired? you seem to be zoning out a lot.”

“i’m… fine.”

“wait, what’s wrong?”

“i said i’m fine, dae. just tired.”

“you should go to sleep then, you need a lot of energy for tomorrow.”

“okay,” baekhyun stands up and walks to the door, “goodnight.” jongdae sighs heavily as he closes the door behind him. there was something bugging the other and he’s worried. but what can he do when baekhyun is closing himself like this? he falls into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

the cycle repeats for the last time on the third day, and jongdae settles down on his seat, thankful it was the last day.

“tired already, hyung?”

“yep, i’m ready to sleep for the next 90 years.” the other two chuckles because despite saying this for the longest time, they’d come back and do it all over again. their seats were the best this time (of course, with the price they paid above the original, it should be worth it), and jongdae figured he didn’t need his best lens today. 

the concert went on as per normal, but of course, the last day of concerts is usually the best since idols would go beyond ‘all out’ and let loose. last days are usually the most emotional ones, so nayeon had prepared some tissues (for bambam), just in case. there was so much more screaming from the boys (how they have this much energy and stamina always awes jongdae), and more goofing around. it got emotional really fast too, some of the members crying and the others comforting them. usually during this time, jongdae fully focuses on how baekhyun would really step up as their leader, sure he had his ‘maknae’ moments where he just plays around and is really loud, but baekhyun’s leadership always shines through no matter what, which really makes him so attractive and endearing. one of the many reasons why jongdae dug himself into this deep hole; giving up half his life, an over exaggeration, for this man.

the solos and units have started, where jongdae helps his friends again, and they get to relax during parts that did not include their biases. his heart was beating fast, anticipating the stage baekhyun is going to put on today. it would be the same song still, but there would always be a different feeling or vibe during each stage, so jongdae would never know what to anticipate next.

the band started playing and baekhyun soon came up. his hair is styled differently today, and his outfit was completely different too. but when baekhyun would start singing, the band continues playing an extended tune, and baekhyun started talking over it.

“to my beautiful and wonderful fans, thank you for always supporting me, and i would continue to work harder for all of you… this song is dedicated to you… wherever you are.” jongdae’s breath hitched when baekhyun turns towards his direction, “this song is for you, and will always be for you. you know who you are.” he finally starts singing soon after, but jongdae couldn’t focus. he doesn’t know whether it was just a coincidence that baekhyun would’ve looked at his direction specifically, or whether baekhyun had meant that the song was for him. all seem far out of reach, but jongdae just had a gut feeling that baekhyun had meant something, and he doesn’t know what exactly.

the song ended on a much more solemn note; baekhyun sighing heavily and while still looking towards jongdae’s direction, he said one last time, “come back to me again, please.” and the stage ends, and jongdae becomes completely breathless.

* * *

“baekhyun, you’re due on stage in 3 minutes,” the concert coordinator announces. 

this is it. this was baekhyun’s last try before giving up. he puts on the jacket and heads towards the stage. he wants jongdae to know this song was about him. he needs jongdae to know this song was about him. he couldn’t just blatantly announce his name, he knows that, but luckily for him, he managed to find some time, with kyungsoo’s help, to find out roughly where jongdae was seated at. the lovingbyun’s previews helped a lot, but chanyeol had sent him the exact position where jongdae’s seat was (he had asked jongdae for a picture of his concert view before it started, and thankfully, his friend didn’t ask questions for the odd question). he gets the band to play a little longer as he says a little monologue, turning to where jongdae was, not exactly, but at least it was towards his direction. if that wasn’t obvious enough for the other, baekhyun would feel helpless. he ended off again, looking at jongdae’s direction, “come back to me again, please.” it was not part of the song, and it was more like a dying wish, a plea; baekhyun begging for jongdae to hear his last wish, even if he’s doing it in the most subtle ways.

the rest of the concert went by a blur; he was so, so tired, but it was their last day, and he was determined to give it his all. his fans deserve it, his members deserve it, and it was their tenth year, something baekhyun had never imagined in his lifetime. a lot of tears were shed, a lot of laughter, a lot of stories and extra songs out of the setlists were being performed, even without instrumentals. the concert went an hour longer than usual, before they finally said goodbye. baekhyun was spent, but they had an after-concert supper session to celebrate the end of the tour. he had already planned to leave early anyway, he was extremely exhausted, and he was done for the day.

he gets home around 3am, kyungsoo making an excuse for them both when he sees baekhyun’s lids closing. his manager goes back with him, even sends him to his doorstep but baekhyun shooes him off and closes the door on him. kyungsoo has had a long day too. he collapses against the door and groans, before walking into the house. 

weird. 

why were the lights on? he starts becoming nervous, thinking there was some sort of intruder. he goes into the kitchen and grabs a pan - the good, heavy one - and heads into his room, where he realises a tune was playing. god, is this how he was going to die? in the hands of a str-

“jongdae?”

baekhyun finds the younger sleeping soundly on his bed, and puts his pan down. he finds the source of the sound and turns it off, navigating through his room as softly as possible so as to not wake the other up. why jongdae was in his room is a huge question mark, but baekhyun is too exhausted to wake the younger up and ask. he washes up and soon lies down to the other. _ jongdae’s beautiful _, baekhyun reminds himself. he’s beautiful on the outside, but much more on the inside, and that is why baekhyun loves him. he had always loved him, he realises, just a little different now than a year ago, maybe. now that they hadn’t rushed into things, learning and discovering about each other at their own pace; baekhyun realises that there was still much more to learn about jongdae and wanting to spend the rest of his life just falling in love with more each day.

his song, ‘love again’ was inspired by none other than jongdae of course. he hadn’t written the entire thing by himself, but his own and his favourite lyrics, solely reminding him of the younger are:_ i want to put everything back the way it was. i'm where i've always been, i still love you. _

if he could, he would rewind back to the time when they were still boyfriends, but he would also want a complete do-over. no excessive pushing or rushing, just them both going at their own paces. he doesn’t regret their first relationship, but if only he knew, observed and understood jongdae better, all this could be avoided and they’d be happily having sex right now. anyway… that’s besides the point.

of course, there’s nothing wrong with where they’re at now, although it’s quite annoying that jongdae has seen him perform ‘love again’ thrice and he doesn’t get the hint? kyungsoo reminded him that not everyone is as sharp (including baekhyun), and that he’s done it in a subtle way, if chanyeol had done it to kyungsoo, the latter wouldn’t realise it either… probably.

shaking away from his thoughts, he closes his eyes and prepares to sleep; the exhaustion from the last three nights finally catching up to him as he wraps his arms over the other.

* * *

baekhyun sniffs, rubbing his nose. whatever he was smelling, smelt amazing, and he intends to find out what it is. he slowly opens his eyes and sees that the space beside him, which was filled last night, was now empty. his heart drops a little, before sitting up and shaking himself awake. he brushes his teeth and washes his face before dragging himself out of the room, thinking kyungsoo was nice enough to cook up some breakfast for him, which means chanyeol might be here t-

“hey sleepy head.” baekhyun swiftly turns his head towards the voice, jongdae, and he blinks to make sure he’s not dreaming.

“jongdae?” he asks, clearing his throat which he hears how rough his voice is.

“in the flesh. made some bacon and eggs, plus some toast. classic american breakfast i know, but strangely, these are the only things you have in your fridge. not a container of kimchi in sight,” jongdae shakes his head in disappointment, before placing a plate in front of baekhyun, “enjoy~”

the food was heavenly. “how did i get so lucky to have a neighbour like you?”

“what am i? just your neighbour?” jongdae clicked his tongue, “i should go home since my efforts are not appreciated h-”

“no! i’m kidding, you’re the bestest person i’ve ever known in my entireeee life~” baekhyun sings, although his voice was a bit hoarse in the morning.

“you need to go grocery shopping,” jongdae takes a bite of his eggs, “mm, you’re right, you’re lucky to have me.”

“that i am.” baekhyun glances at jongdae, shaking his legs nervously. should he say it?

“what’s wrong?”

“um... nothing.”

“really? your legs are telling me otherwise.”

“they’re sexy, i know.”

“nope,” jongdae shakes, “not if you keep wearing those cargo pants.”

“hey, don’t hate the pants. they’re comfortable.” baekhyun pouts, before he stops shaking his legs. it’s now or never, if he doesn’t do it, he’d regret it, he knows. “wanna know the inspiration for my solo song?”

jongdae seems to ponder over it, “that’s a random thought.”

“yeah, i mean… you never asked. and i wanna tell you.” jongdae puts down his utensils and leans back, “okay, tell me.”

baekhyun braces himself, “it’s ab-”_ knock knock! _

** _fuck._ **

jongdae stood up and looked through the screen, announcing “it’s kyungsoo and chanyeol.” baekhyun internally curses at them. jongdae goes to open the door and surprises the couple.

“no wonder when we knocked on your door, you weren’t answering. does this mean you both made out?” chanyeol asks as they both walk in.

“made up? what for? we’re fine,” jongdae confused.

“what? i meant made _ out _, like a kiss.”

“why would we kiss?” jongdae asked as baekhyun can be heard choking at the back.

“i don’t know, didn’t baekhyun conf-”

“no no no! nope.” baekhyun quickly stands up and stands between jongdae and the couple. the duo sighed and saw that there was breakfast, with chanyeol saying, “told you jongdae would’ve cooked something.”

“um? you were saying?” jongdae crosses his arms, ignoring his friends serving themselves with the extras he always cooks.

“hmm?” baekhyun pretends to think about something, “i’ve not finished breakfast yet.” he scurries to the table and joins the other two, glaring at them while at it. jongdae wasn’t too happy right now, but when his stomach grumbles, he puts that thought into his to-do list.

“you slept over?”

“yeah, i was waiting for hyung to come back, but he didn’t. then i fell asleep.”

chanyeol was still a little confused, “why though?” 

baekhyun had just realised too, _ why did jongdae decide to sleepover? _

“hmm? why not?” jongdae shuffles on his feet, suddenly nervous.

“you guys aren’t dating…?” _ right, they didn’t know he has been dating baekhyun all this while. _

“it’s not like we haven’t slept together before, it’s not a big deal.”

“still, you’re not dating. and you slept on the sa-”

“we slept on the same bed so many times bef-”

“because we’re best friends! you’re both exes, dae.”

“we’re both fine with it and that’s all that matters.”

“just... be careful, okay, dae?”

“i will, yeollie. thank you.” kyungsoo and baekhyun came into the living room after, “we’re ready to start with the movie.”

“good! i picked the classic inside out.” chanyeol clicks the movie on their netflix as he cuddles next to kyungsoo, and baekhyun sits beside jongdae. the atmosphere between them now was seemingly more awkward, with a bit of distance between them as they both distractedly watched the movie.

by the end of it, only chanyeol was left awake as the other 3 had fallen asleep at one point of the movie. the giant was upset of course, but since the other three had been busy with the concert, he just pouted and said, “fine, we can watch it again next time.”

“should we order lunch?” kyungsoo suggested, changing the subject, “i was thinking we can buy some marinated meat and use baekhyun’s grill to cook it.”

“i am still wondering when i invited all of you over,” baekhyun sighs. he was still tired, and really, all he planned to do today is sleep.

“hey, why don’t we give the idol some space, huh? we can order food to my house and eat there,” jongdae chimes in; he could see how exhausted the oldest looked.

“wait! nevermind,” baekhyun did not want to feel left out, just eat here and after lunch all of you have to leave. i really am 2 minutes away from collapsing on my bed.”

* * *

“you haven’t told him about the song yet?”

“i was going to, but you,” baekhyun glares at both chanyeol and kyungsoo, “interrupted me. after that, the topic never came up. also hadn’t really seen each other much since then.”

“i still cannot believe hyung hasn’t realise yet that_ love again _ was about him,” jongin chuckles before sending an audio message to soojung.

“in my best friend’s defence, he might’ve thought about it, but didn’t want to think much about it because you know… the song could be about anyone. he probably didn’t want to be… self-centered and think everything’s about him, you know what i mean?”

“that makes sense,” kyungsoo nods, “not everyone’s like you, baek.”

“hey!” baekhyun slouches, “i should really confess soon, huh?”

“yeah. before he goes and gets himself another boyfriend. i heard one of the staff from one of the shoots we did had asked for his number,” chanyeol supplies.

“what?! that can’t be! nope, that would never happen.”

“and how would you know that, hyung” jongin asks.

baekhyun had become a little frustrated then, and blurted out, “cause we’re dating, damn it!”

_ “what?!?!” _everyone else in the room shouts at that revelation. 

“we’ve started dating again… secretly. yeah…”

“how long has it been, baek?”

“i’m not exactly sure… we have been pretty casual about it even if we hang out almost everyday.”

“and what do you want? do you want to date him exclusively?” kyungsoo asks.

“yeah. i was thinking to maybe just… slow down a little with idol life? i don’t know… like not get married and all but just, focus on myself as a normal man. i would still sing and perform with the group, but also focus on my relationships. i don’t know...” baekhyun groans, feeling a little too too conflicted for a celebratory party.

“that’s pretty random. you hadn’t discussed it with me or the group yet,” jongin says.

“or me too. baek, what the hell is going on?” kyungsoo increasingly gets worried for his idol.

“i’m just… i don’t know what to do, okay? i don’t regret the break-up but god, do i want him back. i just want to be boyfriends again, is that too much to ask?”

“then just go up to him and tell him straight, baek. i know how you are and if you keep thinking like this, it’s going to fuck you up. just go over to him and tell him the truth.”

baekhyun has had enough, “what the hell am i supposed to say, soo?! hey jongdae, i wrote an entire fucking song for you so why aren’t you in love with me yet?”

“what?” baekhyun looks over to the 5th voice and his heart stops.

* * *

jongdae thanked the delivery man for the gelato as he grabbed his phone and headed over to chanyeol and kyungsoo’s house. they were having yet another get together, this time with jongin and minseok too, to celebrate the end of the concert tour. honestly, it was just another excuse, not like they needed one anyway, to get together, but jongdae doesn’t mind. he had spent the last 2 days picking and editing photos, uploading them. he hasn’t seen baekhyun in those 2 days too; he wanted to give the idol a break - which meant sleeping and gaming. he made sure to keep the other fed by leaving some food or snacks outside his door, but other than that, baekhyun was left alone. also, he was busy with _ something _.

he was in charge of dessert this time, opting to buy some from one of his favourite brands, before heading to knock baekhyun’s door. when the door didn’t open for 2 minutes, he figured the idol was already upstairs. he presses the button for the lift, and soon finds himself tapping the passcode to his best friend’s apartment (they know each other’s passcodes now), not expecting to hear what was going to be said.

** _“what the hell am i supposed to say, soo?! hey jongdae, i wrote an entire fucking song for you so why aren’t you in love with me yet?”_ **

“what?” suddenly 5 pairs of eyes were looking at jongdae, who only had eyes for baekhyun.

“dae…” 

“it’s alright. i_ already know. _”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! sorry for the late update.  
i was supposed to update on the 7th, before deciding the 10th would be a better date. but then... i got caught up on among us and forgot. was gg to upload earlier today (11 oct) but had just found out a close family relative had suddenly passed away. after resting for the entire day, i decided to upload this now. again, sorry for the delay!
> 
> oh, and is everyone surprised by the THE NEW SINGLE?! i was so shocked because a few mins prior, i had tweeted out to sm global about how long more they were going to keep jongdae in the dungeon lol and they're like SIKE BITCH here's a single!! i'm so excited, but at the same time, still sad and still in shock over the loss of my relative. 
> 
> the last chapter will be up on the 17th. stay tuned!
> 
> not beta-ed; if there's any mistakes please let me know! <3 have a great new week ahead. stay safe.

after the concert, jongdae could not help but feel a little… uneasy? nervous? he does not know how to describe his feelings - he just felt something that he could not shake off. he bids nayeon and bambam goodbye, promising to see each other soon for a celebratory dinner and he steps into their lift lobby. he rubs his eyes as he gets out of the lift, turning to the right and pressing in the code. he removes his shoes and carefully placed his bags on the table, retreating to the toilet to take a shower. he gets out and _ oh? since when did he change his towel? _

the apartment suddenly feels weird; it looks about right, just in the wrong places. oh well, jongdae figured that since he could come into the apartment easily, it should be fine. he goes into the bedroom, relieved he’s finally able to sleep since he is so exhausted, forcing all thoughts out of his head. 

wait, a corgi? jongdae doesn’t have a corgi plushie. he pats it down before lying down on the side he usually sleeps on, and closes his eyes. he barely realises that the corgi looked very similar to the one he bought for baekhyun when he went to japan, before his mind shuts down.

he woke up the next day to find baekhyun’s arms around him, and it took him a couple of minutes to realise that _ fuck _, he had accidentally ended up at baekhyun’s apartment. no wonder the towel was different and the corgi was on the bed, it wasn't even his to begin with. he gets up carefully, so as to not wake the other as he goes to see if there is any breakfast he could make.

he walks past baekhyun’s studio, and stopped in his tracks when he sees his gigantic cheering kit laid down on the floor. he goes in and sees that the entire room was a mess, itching to clean up a little. he figures that that’d be a bit of an invasion of privacy, but steps in anyway just to see the kit. he never got to see the final result, just a sample, and it came out better than he expected. satisfied, he backs up to leave the room, but being the clumsy man he sometimes is, bumps into one of the tables in the room, some papers dropping off the table. jongdae quickly picks them up and puts it back to where it was, but his eyes caught something rather interesting.

Love Again 

Tell me once again

Tell me <strike> that </strike> you love me like

You did that day

I couldn't believe it

<strike> Any </strike> Everything about you was

Like looking in the mirror

We were so much alike

But your lips that had spoken of love

<strike> Why can’t you tell me you l </strike>

Don't say a word like they're locked shut

I can't understand with my heart

Why you said you loved me

But now you're trying to run away _ ???? _

So that the race of our love

Can never end babe

<strike> Don’t just leave me </strike> If you turn away now

We can never come back to this

(Humming)

it’s probably a draft lyric sheet for baekhyun’s solo, with all the scribbles and cancellations. he reads through it, a little in awe by baekhyun’s thought process when his heart stops and sees it.

** _for my love, kim jongdae._ **

at the bottom of the page, his name was clearly written. jongdae doesn’t know why at first, but it didn’t take him long to put two pieces together and confirm his doubt.

* * *

_ **“it’s alright. i already know.”** _

“what?!” the other 4 widened their eyes, how could jongdae possibly know suddenly and not mention it? 

“maybe he’s not as oblivious as you all think he is,” jongin offhandedly blurts out, before apologising.

“um, i saw the… lyrics… the drafts?” jongdae doesn’t want to mention explicitly what he had seen, not wanting to embarrass baekhyun in a way. baekhyun realised it though, knew what jongdae was saying, and he sighs.

“i’m sorry, hyung. i didn’t mean to see it,” jongdae continues, “i just wanted to see the slogan i gave you and accidentally dropped the papers.”

“it’s fine… i guess. now it is out in the open.” baekhyun looks at his friends, “happy?” he runs his hands through his hair before rushing past jongdae to the front door, slamming it on his way out.

“i didn’t think that was as upsetting as he made it out to be…?” chanyeol voices out.

“he needs to take a breather. probably didn’t want his confession to go this way - it’s not ideal,” kyungsoo reasons out; he knows baekhyun. full of grand gestures baekhyun, feeling like his plans are all gone to waste. he looks over at jongdae, guilt clearly eating him up, so kyungsoo tries to comfort the other, “it’s fine, jongdae. he will get over it.”

“no. no, he wrote an entire song for me not for me to react this way or… just… i need to do something!” jongdae dumps the gelato on the floor as he walks out of the house too. he felt bad enough to have gone through something possibly very personal, more personal than he thought it’d be, of baekhyun’s, and it was wrong of him, all wrong. he wouldn’t have wanted his confession to go this way either, and he did not want baekhyun to feel the way he must be feeling right now.

he rushes into his apartment, grabs _ something _, and carefully, but quickly brings it to baekhyun’s apartment.

“hyung?” he could not find the older one anywhere, but soon found out the door to the studio was locked. “hyung? it’s jongdae… i have something for you.” the door slowly, but surely opened to reveal the older, hair messed up and looking a little upset.

“can i come in?” baekhyun nods and makes way for him, and the first thing jongdae sees is his big slogan hung up and the place much less messier than it was a few days ago.

“so, what do you have for me, dae?”

jongdae turns around and faces baekhyun, “hyung, i’m sorry for going through your things. that lyric sheet was the only thing i saw, but it’s wrong for me too. i’m really sorry.”

“i’m not… i’m not mad about that,” baekhyun sighs, “i just… i wanted a proper… i don’t know how to say it… like a proper confession?” oh, so kyungsoo was right. “i had wanted to tell you properly that love again is for you, and that i’m so madly, madly in love with you. so much so i can never believe how lucky i am to have you in my life. i never stopped… loving you, i mean. but things kept getting in the way and i couldn’t… just wanted to do everything right by you for once.”

“do right by me? what do you mean?”

“i keep screwing things up, over and over again. from the very beginning. and now that i have a second chance, i managed to mess it up... again.”

“how did you do that exactly?”

“where do i even begin?” baekhyun chuckles nervously, “even before our first ‘relationship’ so to say, remember the times where i made you uncomfortable, in japan? god, it’s so embarrassing now to think about it.” he pauses, “and then we got together and it was too fast. it really was one of the most impulsive thing i’ve done. i don’t regret a second of it though. we’ve got the long-ass break when we didn’t talk; i wish we did, but… i hated that we didn’t but at that point of time, it was for the best? maybe. i just… i feel like i’m not doing right somewhere, or anywhere for that matter. you matter a lot to me, dae, and i just don’t want to keep screwing up, you know?”

“hyung,” jongdae puts down the thing he brought, instead, holding baekhyun’s hands, “to me, you’re just acting like any other normal human being. what you did… what we did, they are all memories; be it mistakes, regrets, good things, bad things… they become life lessons that we can learn from. whatever you mention, hyung, they’re normal. we can learn from them, hyung, not beat yourself over it. we will learn from our mistakes, and we will learn to move on from them. there’s really no point in overthinking over and over again.” he rubs baekhyun’s hands comfortingly before pulling away and grabbing the item he brought. “here, open this.”

“what’s this?” baekhyun asks softly, still a little shaken by his outburst and jongdae’s comforting. he takes the item, which was a little heavy, “is it a picture of me from the concert, jongdae-ya?” he could feel that it was a frame, wrapped like one too, and tears the brown paper open. 

“oh. my. god.”

“do you like it?” baekhyun ignores him (accidentally) when he picks the picture frame up and examines it carefully.

“are these…?”

“um, it’s not much but i…” jongdae observes how the older man was reacting to his gift, a little bit discouraged quite honestly, “comp-”

“are you kidding me, dae?! this is amazing.”

“is... is it really? it’s just… i just compiled all the pictures we took together, and some of the pictures i took of you and put it together into one big picture.”

“that big picture being my favourite picture of us.”

“yeah. it is.”

* * *

_ a couple of weeks earlier _

“finally! a date outside our apartments.”

“hey, it’s not my fault it’s safer for us to date inside rather than outside,” jongdae points out.

they somehow decided that it would be fun to act like tourists for a day, and had booked an entire day tour to nami island and a few other places.

“you’re very sure we wouldn’t get caught?”

“dae,” baekhyun puts some glasses on, “can you recognize me?”

“obviously.” jongdae isn’t sure this might work, but honestly? he’s also happy that they’re finally going out for once in the day. still, “people would recognize you.”

“these groups are usually tourists, they wouldn’t even know me.”

“you’re from a famous, global group. i’m 101% sure they would recognize you.” baekhyun just shrugged at that and smirks, “let’s go, mate!”

“please... never do an australian accent ever again.”

“they look good, right?”

jongdae sighs, “yes, hyung. all the 132 shots look great.” he gets up and beckons baekhyun to come back. “‘let’s go somewhere else.”

“wait! no, let’s take a couples’ picture. you have your tripod, right?” jongdae nods and quickly sets it up. they were at a very picturesque part of the island, and pictures here are almost mandatory. baekhyun throws his arms around jongdae’s waist as he leans on the other.

“1, 2, 3.” _ click! _

“no wait, i think we should take a selca.” baekhyun takes out his phone and pulls up the camera app. “smile~”

“you can’t even see the view, hyung!”

“it doesn’t matter, there’s damn good lighting.” he places their faces side-by-side and smashes them together. he continuously snaps in every different type of angle and poses, jongdae already used to this habit of his. 

“one last one, dae.” jongdae hums and thinks of a very cute idea. turns out, baekhyun had the same thought when they found their lips pressed against each other as the older snaps the photo. naturally, they were a little surprised but pulled away smiling anyway.

“and that’s on it being the best shot ever.” baekhyun opens up his photos and right at the first shot, it’s the picture.

“this is my favourite picture yet.” jongdae has never seen him smile so widely before, almost entranced by it if not for the older shoving his big samsung to his face. not going to lie, it is indeed a very nice picture. they both looked happy and relaxed, and genuinely in l- nevermind. he smiles back at him, “it’s a really nice picture.” baekhyun hums happily as he hooks his arm around jongdae’s and helps me pack up his things.

no one mentions how it was their first kiss.

* * *

“this is… this is really… probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.” jongdae could see the other’s eyes start to water. “what’s the occasion though?”

_ it’s now or never, jongdae. _

“i l-”

_ ding! _ well, that came at a great time.

“maybe you should get the door first.”

“no,” baekhyun nears the younger, “you were saying something. it sounded import-”

“no! it’s fine… um, it _ is _important but there’s literally someone at the door, what if that’s an emergency or something to do with the compa-”

“fuck the company. jongdae,” baekhyun sighs, “tell me, i beg. tell me what you were going to say.”

jongdae takes a deep breath and begins to open his mouth, “i lo-”, when the doorbell rang. “it seems important.” baekhyun grunts as he puts the frame down on the chair and goes to the door.

he pulls open the door harshly and was greeted by chanyeol and kyungsoo, looking a little guilty and remorseful, which they should be for interrupting the moment. baekhyun has a feeling where jongdae was about to go and he’s not going to let a minute more pass for something he’s been waiting for a very long time.

“ugh, come back later,” baekhyun closed the door again and looked expectantly at jongdae, who had followed him to the door.

“maybe you should let them in.”

“no. i want to hear what you have to say.”

“why are you so adama-”

baekhyun sighs, “so... i can finally say it back. and mean it a lot this time.”

“oh,” jongdae blushed, “um... i…” baekhyun rolls his eyes before he steps forward and presses their lips together. the former was shocked of course, before he snaps out of it and moves their lips together. pulling away, both red and not only on their cheeks, baekhyun smirked, “so?” 

jongdae exhales and smiles shyly, “i’m in love with you.”

well, not the three words baekhyun was expecting; a little speechless that these words were much more deep and romantic than he expected, but still.

“i love you too. god, it feels so good to finally be able to say it out loud.”

“finally? how long have you been wanting to say it?”

“weeks… months… i don’t know. i didn’t want to scare you so i just… just held it off.”

“i… thank you, hyung.” he wraps his arms around the older’s waist, “thank you for waiting for me.”

“i’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.”

* * *

“so you’re not really mad at us, right?” chanyeol asks when they meet a few days later. “you did slam the door in our faces.”

“because you were interrupting us!” jongdae comfortingly pets the other’s hair to calm him down.

“do i dare ask what you’ve been doing for 3 days that you were both uncontactable?” kyungsoo chimes in.

“do you _ really _wanna know?” baekhyun replies, to which kyungsoo shook his head, while chanyeol nodded.

“weirdo,” kyungsoo mumbles at chanyeol, before pulling him away to the kitchen.

truth is, they had done a lot of screaming and shouting, but the catch is that only 30% of it came from sex. the other 70% was really just baekhyun teaching jongdae how to game, and the younger failing miserably. don’t worry, jongdae made up for it with kisses, lots of them.

“now comes the hard part. do we tell the fans?” jongdae pales at kyungsoo's question, he forgot that baekhyun, who just shrugged at the question, is an idol.

"we’re only dating, so i don't think we need to say anything to the public? they don’t really need to know anyway. but we still have to tell the higher-ups, right?” kyungsoo nodded his head.

“sorry,” baekhyun pouts at jongdae.

“it’s okay.”

“they don’t do anything about it unless it gets out,” kyungsoo explains, “since baekhyun has been active for 10 years, it’s more than fine when he dates.”

“he’s the agency’s golden boy anyway, they need him much more than he does,” chanyeol comments.

“anyway, i was thinking… i think i want to take a break.” everyone in the room looks at the person who had just dropped a bomb. “what? I’ve worked tirelessly for 10 years, and honestly? i’m fucking exhausted. i think i deserve a break, don’t you think?”

jongdae nodded almost immediately, “you deserve a year-long vacation. us fans would always complain about how the agency milks the hell out of you.”

“well, technically only you are the only one i want to milk out-”

“finish that and you won’t get any dinner,” kyungsoo warns.

“i don’t need no dinner when i have dessert ri-” kyungsoo smacks a pillow in his face.

“don’t hurt the goods, man! without me, you won’t even have a job.”

“maybe i should get another then.”

“no! i love you soo, don’t leave me!” baekhyun playfully begs, before laughing out loud.

“whatever, back to your hiatus, who else have you told?”

“just you guys, what do you think, soo?”

“not sure what the agency would think, but now i guess i really need to look for a job.”

baekhyun snorts, “shut up, i know the agency pays you damn well.”

“not well enough to put up with your bullshit,” kyungsoo mumbled, but was overshadowed by his own boyfriend screaming, “YOU’RE RICH?! i can quit my job and live-in with my sugar daddy sooner than i think.”

“shut up, yeol,” kyungsoo puffs. “if it’s what you want baekhyun, i guess i can set up a meeting with the higher-ups and we can talk to them about it. also, you need to talk to the other members.” baekhyun nods, “i’ll talk to the boys first, i'm their leader after all.” he kisses jongdae on the cheek and pulls him to the table, “but first, dinner.”

“how did it go?” jongdae asks as baekhyun comes in and wraps his arms around jongdae in a hug.

“mmm? the boys were fine with it. apparently, the agency wants mark and taeyong to debut in another group called nct or something, and ten, lucas in china.”

“what?” jongdae laughs, “poor them.” baekhyun agrees and kisses the other’s cheeks, his favourite thing to do, “and the agency wants me to come back with another solo album.”

jongdae jerks and turns around, “really?!” with the widest smile on his face, he jumps in joy and hugs the other back, “finally! it’s been too long.”

baekhyun points out, “only 2 years.”

“still too long” jongdae pouts, “but it’s that what you want though? how about the hiatus? what did they say?”

“the meeting is in 3 days. they only had time to talk about our future schedules. but as far as i know, i’m free for the next month or so. should we go on a vacation?”

“i’d love it, but i’m booked for the next 2 months. wedding season.” 

“and your birthday?”

right, it was almost september. these few months passed by in a breeze, jongdae hadn’t really realised.

“i have to see my schedule again,” jongdae shrugs, nudging baekhyun to sit down to have dinner.

“i hope the agency gives me a break. i’m not as young as the rest of them.”

“yeah, they should give the elderly some leeway,” jongdae teased, causing baekhyun to pout, and the former didn’t resist the urge to kiss it away.

“anyway, what are you planning to do on your hiatus?”

“i was thinking of expanding prive; find ways to make the clothes more affordable, see what other products i can make etcetera. i am now looking into making some skincare and makeup. i just… want to take a break from performing. i love it but… my body is tired. also…”

“also?” jongdae observed how nervous baekhyun is suddenly looking.

“i kinda wanted to start… not to pressure you or anything but um, i want to settle down.” jongdae freezes at that, and baekhyun wishes he didn’t say anything since they just got back together, when the younger smiles, “me too.”

“really?” he brightens up at that, “i personally want like… an entire soccer team of kids. or is that too many?”

jongdae laughs, “so 11 mini-baekhyuns, that could be a nightmare.”

“hey! i’m not that horrible.”

“kyungsoo would say otherwise.”

“so... you’re not freaked out that i said i wanted to settle down?”

“no? i’ve always wanted my own family anyway, so i get you.”

“do you want your own family with… with me?” jongdae looks at baekhyun comfortably lying on his bed, and he smiles, “we shall see.” he washes up and joins his boyfriend soon after, “hey.”

“hey,” baekhyun smiles up at him fondly and kisses him gently. everything’s going to be alright, they silently promised each other. everything’s going to be great.

* * *

the meeting with the executives could’ve gone worse. his agency wanted him to stay for the next two group comebacks, but baekhyun insisted on just another solo album and then a hiatus. taking into account that the other younger members are going into another group, baekhyun staying for the group comebacks meant that the younger ones wouldn’t have any rest. this way, they could focus on their respective groups and hopefully, if they’re lucky, get a bit of rest in between schedules. the meeting only took 3 hours of lecture, nagging and negotiation, but baekhyun is satisfied with the turnout nonetheless. he starts preparing for his comeback album right after his mini break, so he truly got the one month to rest.

“maybe they’re giving you a break in hopes you’d change your mind about the hiatus.”

“that’s what i thought too,” baekhyun shrugs, “who cares. i’m not going to. i’m just sad my boyfriend would be too busy for me.” he giggled, “_ boyfriend _. i really love the sound of that.”

“do you now?” jongdae smirks. “good news. someone canceled on us. something about a runaway groom,” he shrugged. “so i’ve got a 4-day break in between work now.” his boyfriend softly gasps, but then pouts.

“what’s wrong?” jongdae worries.

“i... uh, it’s nothing.” the younger furrows his brows, not satisfied with the answer.

“hyung.”

“i don’t wanna scare you.”

“i think we’re way past that,” jongdae sighs fondly, “but if you’re not comfortable, then you can tell me some other time, when you’re ready.”

baekhyun looked like he was debating with himself, before he straightened himself up with some fake courage, “i want to family you to introduce.” he widens his eyes before correcting himself and breathing out the next few words very quickly, “iwanttointroduceyoutomyfamily.” 

jongdae tenses up, his boyfriend not missing that at all and they both sat in an elephant-sized awkward silence before the older man speaks up, “sorry. i scared you. we really don’t have to do it now, i mean.” baekhyun groans, “see? i do this all the time. move too fast. i did it the first time, and now?” he sighs.

“i’d like to meet your family.” baekhyun widens his eyes at that and softly gasps, “really? i’m not rushing you, am i?” jongdae shakes his head.

“i really don’t mind. i am really happy that you’d want to introduce me to your family.” jongdae pauses, “but do they know i’m like your… fansite?”

baekhyun nodded his head. “it’s actually… i’ve actually mentioned your name before,” he nervously giggles.

“they don’t think it’s weird?”

“they think i’m the weird one; wondering why someone like you would be a fan of someone like me,” he scrunches his nose, “and i am their son!” jongdae laughs at that and suddenly his nerves come up, “i hope they like me.”

“trust me. i’m almost sure they would love you more than me by the end of the day. i’ll text them and let you know when it's a good day. we can stay over at our family home if you want to overnight.”

“in that case, should we meet my family as well?” jongdae asks, “we live nearby anyway.”

“really? dae, i don’t want to rus-”

“you’re not, hyung. seriously. i want this too. very much.”

“then do you wanna get married~?” baekhyun jokes, but by the way jongdae shuffles in his place, the older knew he was serious about it. “we’ll talk about it later, okay? for now, let’s get over the family first.”

* * *

they were able to match up both families’ schedules with theirs, and now they were currently on their way to baekhyun’s family home in bucheon. 

“relax, babe. they will love you.”

“mhmm,” jongdae says, but his legs couldn’t stop shaking.

“the most important person that needs to love you is mongryong anyway, and he loves everyone so you’re practically family already.”

“oh! i’m really excited to meet him. i love dogs.”

“really? but you look like a cat.”

“what?”

“nothing, it’s just that you really look like a cat.”

“that’s... that’s new. is this like a kink or something that i should know about?”

“ooohhh~ we discovering kinks now? i happen to like being called dad-”

“nope.”

“okay.”

baekhyun held the other’s hand tightly as he punches in the passcode to the house. mongryong started to bark and he greeted them right by the door; sniffing this new stranger and circling them both.

“move, monggie. we can’t even take our shoes off,” baekhyun waves him off as they both eventually make it to the living room, and see baekhyun’s father sitting there.

“appa!”

“oh baekhyun, you’re back?” he lowers down the volume on the television before he realises the stranger in the room.

“hello,” jongdae bows 90 degrees, “i’m kim jongdae. nice to meet you.”

“ah, a polite one. my son can learn from you.” baekhyun whines before mongryong barks again, pawing at jongdae’s arm, and his father continues, “the dog wants you to pet him.” and jongdae does.

“where’s umma?”

“in the room washing up. she just finished making some lunch for us. your brother’s coming for dinner.” the couple settled into baekhyun’s room first, and jongdae met his mother a while later.

“aigoo~ you’re much more handsome than baekhyun’s described you!” she looks at her son, “consider yourself lucky.”

“see i told you they’d love you more than me. and we’ve barely been here 2 hours.”

the food was delicious. and honestly? jongdae was just holding himself back for extra servings, but he really, really loved the beef that baekhyun’s mother cooked.

“take more, jongdae-ya~” his mother scoops some beef and puts it into his bowl.

“umma~ i want some too~” baekhyun pouts.

“take yourself.”

they spent the rest of the afternoon talking; jongdae has probably told baekhyun’s parents his entire life and more, plus they were fascinated by his little _lovingbyun_ gig.

“it’s so surprising for you to be this loyal to our baekhyunnie~ thank you so much.”

“it’s my pleasure. i really enjoy being his fan,” jongdae says genuinely. he looks around the house, and sees something very familiar. “that’s mine!” he pointed politely to the little soft toy on the shelf. “i made it around 7 years back.” 

“that’s yours? a fan gave it to me.”

“yeah. it was my first doll. i made a couple others after that.”

“i bought those! i didn’t know that was your very first.”

“it was a limited edition. i only produced maybe like… 50?”

“it’s cute. it really looks like baekhyunnie.” his mom stood up and grabbed a book - baekhyun’s latest photobook - and showed it to jongdae.

“these photos are really good. when baekhyunnie told us his ‘future husband’ took these, we didn’t believe him.”

“umma!” baekhyun embarrassingly whines.

“future husband?” jongdae teases, “i don’t have a ring on my finger yet~”

“are you both thinking of getting married? you should!” baekhyun’s father chimes in, “it’s about time our baekhyunnie settled down.”

“appa!”

“we... we only talked about it briefly. nothing set in stone yet. baekhyun is still busy with his work.”

his mom sighed, “you’re almost nearing your 30s. just think about it quickly~ especially since baekhyun hasn’t stopped talking about you for years.”

“umma!! okay, that’s it. i’m taking a nap and my boyfriend is following me. we’ll see you at dinner~!”

“dae?” baekhyun calls the moment he is aware he’s awake; reaching out to the right side only to feel nothing but the bedsheets, and he gets up quickly. then he hears laughter coming from the outside - one of it evidently jongdae’s. baekhyun scurries out of the room, he thinks his brother and his family are here too, but he doesn’t know for sure.

“baekhyun was a very cute baby.”

“i wonder what happened.” yep, his brother was indeed already here. he then hears a baby’s gurgling and squealing, and baekhyun peeps outside to see jongdae bouncing his niece on his lap, while his mother was showing him the dreaded photo albums. he smiles at the sight in front of him, especially seeing jongdae with his baby niece. it sends butterflies to his stomach, and he feels the fluttering of their wings as his niece laughs at whatever face jongdae’s making.

“look who’s awake!!” his father comes out of the kitchen, “don’t just stand there, son. wait, wash your face first. you look haggard.”

when baekhyun comes out of the washroom, he sees jongdae standing up and carrying his niece around, pointing at anything and everything outside on the balcony.

“hey babe. hi, seoyeon-ah~” baekhyun opens up his arms for the 1-year-old to go to, but seoyeon only dug her head into jongdae’s shoulder, content at where she is. of course, her uncle pouts. jongdae nudges her, “it’s your uncle, seoyeon-ah. don’t you remember?” after a while of pondering, seoyeon leaned towards baekhyun, and her uncle was delighted.

“you looked really good with my niece.”

“don’t i look good all the time?” baekhyun rolls his eyes at jongdae’s reply, while bouncing the baby.

“maybe one day you can have your own,” baekbeom says, reaching out for his daughter, “milk time~”

“your brother wants an entire soccer team.”

“him? good luck. it’s a nightmare taking care of 12 kids, including your boyfriend.” baekbeom walks away, leaving the couple alone on the balcony.

“you really want to have kids?”

jongdae nods his head, “always wanted a daughter.” he looks at baekhyun, “but not now. i want to enjoy ourselves before anything else.”

“but one day?”

“yeah, one day. with you.”

jongdae has never seen a smile that big on his boyfriend’s face before.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it. the last chapter. thank you.  
please enjoy.

“and that’s how i met your father.” yerin looks at baekhyun weird, before crawling away when she sees her favorite toy.

“really, hyung? she’s only 1.” he shakes the sippy cup and passes it to their daughter, who took it excitedly.

“what, she needs to know.” baekhyun opens up his arms, like a _ baby,_ and jongdae pulls him up - he’s not going to carry him, is he crazy?

“she can’t even understand when i tell her ‘no’, she wouldn’t understand an entire story.”

baekhyun pouts, “party pooper.”

they both cuddled on the couch, watching their daughter drinking her milk on her little pillow mountain.

“i think what i have now made whatever we’ve been through worth it.”

“really? even with all the backlash you’re getting?”

baekhyun sighs, “it’s not like i didn’t expect it. there’s more love though, and i think that’s much more important to focus on.” jongdae nodded his head, fixing his husband’s hair, “i’m sorry.”

“no. i should be sorry to you. it’s alright if i get the brunt of the hate, but you’re affected too. i wish i could protect you and yerin from all this bullshit.”

“it can’t be helped, baby.” jongdae leans his forehead on the ours, “it’s us, against the world. not just you. us.”

* * *

baekhyun went on to release this latest album, and also the last album before his hiatus, ‘delight’ 4 months after their little vacation. he went on to announce his hiatus on the last music show, saying that he will be gone for a while to focus on prive and most importantly, his personal life; and to look forward to his future endeavors outside his music. he released the skincare line a year later, and between that, he releases a few more collections; collaborating with different charities and looking to get his clothes more affordable for his fans. a few pop-up stores here and there, and every collection is sold out before his very eyes.

regarding his relationship with jongdae, it became stronger each day, that by the 8th month, he already knew the younger is the only person he wanted to spend his life with. he wasn’t sure if that was what jongdae wanted at that point of time, besides, they weren’t even together for a year, so he just let the feeling be and see where their relationship takes its course.

oh, another wild mention: jongdae photographed baekhyun for ‘delight’ as well as each and every prive collection. baekhyun knows that jongdae knows him best, and since baekhyun trusts his life with his boyfriend, he knows he’s in good hands.

also, not only does it mean they can spend way more time together, they can spend more time _ together_, if you get the gist. jongdae can count on all their 4 hands how many times his boyfriend dragged him secretly to his dressing room for a little bit of rendezvous, to kyungsoo’s disgust.

on their one year anniversary, baekhyun whisked jongdae away to a 1-month long trip around europe, and when jongdae spontaneously dyes his hair blonde, baekhyun may or may not have fucked the younger into the sheets for two entire days, and he may or may not have allowed jongdae to do the same to him - take it as you will. 

“well, now we only have 2 days in the city of love.” jongdae looks at them both, “and we’re both limping.”

“we can always extend our trip.”

“we’ll see if we need to. room service? again…” baekhyun nods his head as he climbs over his boyfriend and gets the phone, all while straddling the other near his dick and bouncing a little as he orders some food.

“no, byun baek.” baekhyun pouts and lies back down beside jongdae, “can’t help it when you look fucking good with this hair…” he runs his fingers through it and smells it, “my little man loves it.”

“don’t call your dick little.”

“you’re right. it’s definitely not little,” baekhyun winks as he gets up, “need to pee.” jongdae shooes him off as he sat up to check his phone, and sees 23 messages from chanyeol and a couple from his parents. he finds it funny that his parents now talk to baekhyun more than him; they were smitten by the other (baekhyun can be very charming), and had also brought up the marriage talk. honestly, jongdae has been thinking about marriage lately, but he wasn’t sure baekhyun wants the same. they do talk about it, but no timeline was set in stone yet. they wanted to get married to each other, but the timing is still up in the air. on top of that, baekhyun has to deal with whether he still wanted to re-sign with the company, and then whole media chaos if they really were to get married. still, he makes sure to keep the small maroon velvet box safe in his bag, just in case.

funny enough, baekhyun had the exact same idea. so when they both got on their knees on the same beautiful night in greece with their respective rings out in the open, no words had to be said as they both hugged each other tight in relief. the rest of the night is history.

a while after they came back, baekhyun had to deal with the contract issue. while still conflicted about wanting to stay with the group but not in the company, jongdae has been there every step of the day, and baekhyun would forever feel like the luckiest guy alive. they talk and properly discuss it, before the idol ultimately chooses to part ways with the company. he signs with sehun’s company, jongin doing the same thing, and both companies come to an agreement that if time allows, baekhyun and jongin would come back with the group. the rest of them either stayed or left for other agencies too, but the group has not disbanded, that’s for sure.

their close family and friends celebrated the couples’ engagement; including his new company, but the couple weren’t too willing to have a flashy wedding. after months of deliberation, 9 months since the proposal, they got married in a small church in an intimate ceremony, and baekhyun and jongdae wouldn’t have it any other way. baekhyun announced his marriage a month after they got married, garnering very mixed reactions; the usual ‘you lied to us’, ‘you betrayed us’, etc, but the idol couldn’t care less. what he does care is protecting first and foremost, his husband, and demanding for legal action to be taken as soon as possible for the harassment. for the most part, a safe 70% of his fans and general public are happy for him, and that is what they choose to focus on. they left out the part where jongdae’s his biggest fansite of course, only saying he’s a ‘non-celebrity’ and leaving it as that.

_ what happened to lovingbyun, you ask? _

well, it’s still active; as active as the idol, that is. jongdae attended 3 out of 7 fansigns for ‘delight’, every of his prive collection release (with his special connection of course) but other than that, since baekhyun doesn’t do much public appearances anymore, his fansite scaled back too. he does post some archived pictures as and when, but that’s about it. he does produce merch occasionally with the three musketeers, but all of the profits he gets, he donates, so he’s merely doing this for fun now.

nayeon and bambam do eventually find out about baekhyun.

"i need to tell you guys something, but promise. _promise_ me you won't freak out."

"why so serious, oppa? you're making me nervous."

"i'm..." jongdae takes a deep breath, "i'm getting married." nayeon and bambam's jaw comically drops, but they soon recovered and cheered loudly for the oldest member of the group.

"wait, wait oh my god, we're invited, right?! right?! we have to be there!" bambam exclaims.

nayeon hits him, "he's not obligated to invite us, it's his wedding. besides, he needs to discuss with the lucky groom¬ can we at least see his face? we need to know if he's good for you."

"you guys are definitely invited," jongdae chuckles as he pulls out his phone, lowkey buying time to surprise his two friends even more.

"wait till you see baekhyun hyung again and tell me you're hitched," bambam cackles loudly, "he's probably going to cry there and then."

"yeah oppa, you're going to break his heart¬ but i'm sure he's more handsome than baekhyun, right?"

"he has to be! for someone to catch hyung's eyes after being a fan of baekhyun for years..." oh, if only they knew... well, they're going to soon, anyway.

"here." jongdae finds a nice picture of baekhyun and shows it to them, expecting the two to freak out, but was met with narrowed eyes.

"hey¬ don't joke like that! i guess he just wants to keep his future husband a secret!"

"now he really needs to invite us to the wedding," bambam reiterates his point again.

"what do you guys mean?" jongdae feigns innocence as he pulls back the phone and furrows his brows. "oh!! wrong picture." he swipes right and shows the screen again, and this time, he gets the reaction he expected.

"shut the hell up! that isn't photoshopped isn't it?!" bambam snatches the phone and zooms in. it was a selca of baekhyun and jongdae with their rings that they took after they proposed to each other.

"is it?! is it?! oppa! show us a video instead, we don't believe you."

"but there's no video of the proposal though¬" soon, the front door opens, and in comes the subject of matter.

"hey babe," baekhyun greets casually as he walks towards the trio and gives him a kiss to his forehead. he looks over at the two other strangers in the room, "nayeon and bambam, right?" they both nodded their head, jaws dropped once again as bambam's grip on jongdae's phone loosens.

"do you still need that video?" jongdae smirks. his two friends snapped their heads back at him and were practically speechless. baekhyun chuckles, "i'm going to change my clothes. the pizza and chicken are on their way." he kisses jongdae's temple before waving to all of them and retreating into the room.

"hyung!!" bambam smacks the other on the shoulder, "no cap?"

"_cap_?" jongdae wasn't familiar with this... millennial lingo.

"oppa! are you fucking kidding me? don't tell me that was a joke. bam, you saw _him_ right?! it wasn't a hallucination, right?!!" nayeon starts to freak out.

"i saw him, noona. i saw _baekhyun_." they both looked at jongdae again, in disbelief, before the oldest decides to stop the suffering and come straight out, "yes, i'm marrying my idol." finally, that gets into their head, and they screamed their lungs out.

when baekhyun runs out of the room in a panic to check why everyone was screaming and being loud, he sees the trio jumping excitedly in the living room, spinning around in a circle while holding hands. they were cut off by the door bell ringing and after, talk their mouths out with the grooms-to-be.

they were invited to their little wedding, except as actual guests and not free labour like jongdae had suggested previously. they were told to sign an nda though, but it was worth it for them since they got to spend some time with jongin and ten respectively. they were very happy for their friend, and joked that baekhyun wouldn't cry as they thought he would, except tears of joy, probably.

baekhyun did come back with another album a year after their wedding, and somehow still did very well considering he did lose a big chunk of his fans. jongdae did attend one fansign, and went back home with the idol right after. he promoted for a couple of weeks before embarking on a month-long busking tour around korea; jongdae following along for the ride while taking a couple of pictures when he feels like it. they spent a couple of weeks resting before the idol started preparing for an online concert, as well as more collection and product launches for prive.

fast forward two years after their marriage, they both mutually decided to adopt a baby. they applied and got back a proper response 5 months later, and soon enough, yerin was born and in their arms as soon as her birth mother gave her up.

“she’s adorable.”

“she looks like a potato.” jongdae side-eyed his spouse before cooing over the newborn again. “what? you know i’m right.”

“go get the car seat.” jongdae looks at their daughter, “we’re going home byun-kim yerin.”

yerin’s a very fussy baby. she is somehow hungry all the time, and it was very hard to get her to sleep, especially at night. they would both stay up together, feed her together, sometimes even sleep together with the newborn in their arms. not recommended, but that was how much sleep they’re losing with yerin. it’s all worth it though, like when yerin smiles or laughs with her gummy mouth, when she makes babbling sounds and especially when she actually gets 2 solid hours of sleep. 

“appa. say ap-pa.”

“p-p!” she spits, bouncing on her butt as she tries to follow jongdae.

“ahhh~”

“pa. ap-pa-pa-pa.” jongdae smiled so brightly at that, and in turn, yerin gave him her gummy smile back.

“good job, baby~ you not only said appa, but you also said papa!”

“papa!”

“i’m appa, baby. your other father is papa. ap-pa!”

“papa!” 

jongdae sighs, “you’re lucky you’re adorable~” baekhyun was out preparing for another collection, and jongdae needed to go to work with yerin, who was now almost a year old. he gets up and takes their bags, and once they got a message from their personal driver, wooyoung, they made their way downstairs. the couple are still getting harassed till this day, even if it has been years, and it’ll probably get worse once word gets out that they’ve adopted yerin. baekhyun hasn’t announced it yet, and he doesn’t feel the need to, but the company had asked him to prepare for the news just in case someone found them together.

they had moved to the outskirts of seoul, a little further away, but still near to the capital so baekhyun can travel easily. baekhyun had also requested for a personal driver and bodyguard for his husband and daughter, and jongdae just agreed to soothe the other’s mind and anxiety.

“we’re going to your office, right?”

“yeah. have you eaten?”

“yes, sir.”

“ah hyung~ just call me jongdae,” he whines.

“i’m not allowed to, sir.” jongdae understands; it’s his job after all. he gave the driver a box of banana milk, and thanked him for driving them.

jongdae plays with the very-awake 1-year-old; doing anything and everything not to make her cry. she is a little better now, although she is still constantly hungry, but she sleeps a lot too. at least her parents were getting a solid 5 hours of sleep now, and that’s all that matters. jongdae feels his phone rings when they get to the highway.

“hey my love.”

“hey babe. where are you at right now? on your way?”

“yeah. we just entered the highway. what are you doing?”

“resting. i wanna see your faces,” jongdae could hear baekhyun pout, “i video-called you and you still picked it up like a normal one.”

“oops, sorry.” jongdae pulls away and turns on the camera, “happy now?”

“very. yerinnie?” jongdae points the camera at their daughter; yerin immediately recognizing her father and baekhyun cooing at her through the phone. after a couple of minutes, jongdae’s arm got tired and he pulled it back, “we’re going out for dinner tonight, right? with the rest?”

baekhyun nods, “yeah. at some bougie italian place or something.”

“ok, make sure to dress nice, baby.”

“i always dress nice!”

“you’re in your signature grey sweater and cargo pants, that’s hardly nice.”

baekhyun pouts but nodded his head anyway, “i miss you.”

“i miss you too. just a few more hours, you little baby.”

“my heart hurts,” baekhyun places his hand dramatically over his heart, “for the love of my life is so far away and i-”

“i’m going to hang up.”

“no no no! i am sorry!” jongdae chuckles and gives his finger to the baby to play with.

“i hope our daughter here won’t be this dramatic when she grows up. if she is, we will still love her anyway. won’t we, baby?” jongdae says in his cutest baby voice, and she gurgles happily.

baekhyun groans, “i don’t care. take me with you wherever you are, i don’t wanna work anymore!”

“hyung, you’re still going to have to come back with the group whether you like it or not.”

“i like it. but i like you more~” jongdae did not resist the urge to roll his eyes, and hung up on the other a while after that.

“yerin-ah~” minseok calls for the baby and she goes into the arms of her favourite uncle very easily.

“not. fair.” chanyeol pouts; yerin always cries in his arms, and typical chanyeol gets jealous easily too.

yerin squeals happily at minseok, while jongdae quickly escapes and sits at his table. he plans to finish as much work as he can before they go off for dinner later. he would take all the distraction for his daughter as he can get. he sighs when he hears crying not more than 20 minutes later, and minseok comes in with a loud baby.

“aigoo~ what’s wrong~” jongdae looks at the clock - just in time for her lunch. chanyeol volunteers to make the milk for him, while jongdae opens up the little lunch box for her. he had prepared some chicken and carrots for her; luckily she wasn’t really a picky eater, so he doesn’t need to stress about food that much.

“thanks yeol. are we going together later?” he shakes his head, “i’m going home so kyungsoo and i will go together.” he nods as he settles yerin on the high chair and puts on her bib. she immediately starts eating once her father says it’s time. jongdae takes this time to eat and work too; more importantly, keep an eye on yerin while she’s eating.

“is it nice?” yerin doesn’t really understand but nods her head anyway, following her father a little, and soon enough, she was done and drinking her milk. jongdae prepares her for a nap by reading to her, singing a little, and she finally falls asleep a while after.

“you look handsome.” 

“always, babe.” baekhyun shows off his outfit before getting into the car. “wah~ our princess looks very gorgeous. the prettiest princess in the universe!” baekhyun rubs yerin’s belly before jongdae hugs him from behind, “get in the car.”

“you sound like you’re kidnapping me.”

“if that’s what i have to do so we won’t be late, yes.” baekhyun kisses yerin on her chubby cheeks before going to the front seat beside wooyoung.

“so this is what they meant.” a plate of what looks like mashed rice with chicken appears in front of jongdae, and he wonders how this simple chicken rice meal got its fancy name.

“hey, at least you can eat it.”

kyungsoo suddenly stands up and says, “wait, before everyone digs in, i have something to say.” he takes a step back and goes on one knee, holding his boyfriend’s hands “i’m not one for sappy speeches, especially in front of other people but… park chanyeol, we’ve been together for 7 very wonderful years, and i know i’ve been giving some mixed signals about marriage but the truth is, i was just waiting for a beautiful night like tonight.” he takes out a small velvet box from his pocket and opens it, revealing a beautiful ring, “my love, will you marry me?”

shell-shocked chanyeol could only remain speechless, before he softly sounds, “n-no...” everyone else in the room - minseok, luhan, baekhyun and jongdae - gasped, and kyungsoo visibly deflates.

“oh. okay then… i’m sorr-”

“wait, no no…”

“i got it, yeol, it’s alr-”

“no, wait!” chanyeol takes a few deep breaths before continuing, “i…” he decides actions speak longer than words when he goes on his knees too and pulls out a similar box, “i… i was going to propose tonight too…”

luhan ‘aww-ed’ at the sight while the rest looked on as kyungsoo was now the surprised one.

“oh.”

“just say yes already!” baekhyun whispers loudly, earning a painful pinch from his own spouse. kyungsoo and chanyeol both glared at him before they looked at each other and nodded their heads. the private room erupted in cheers as the newly engaged couple placed their respective rings on the other’s finger and kissed each other senseless. after congratulating the couple, they continued eating happily, even yerin was eating well too. both sets of parents were very clear that they have to have a wedding, and they will because chanyeol’s a mummy’s boy, and they wanted to do it within the next 2 years or so.

jongdae and baekhyun left soon after, wanting to get yerin clean and to sleep as soon as possible, so they said their goodbyes and went on their way home.

they both washed up and got ready to go to bed themselves when baekhyun dropped a little bomb, “should we try for another kid?”

“you wanna try for another one, really?”

baekhyun nods, “let’s make our children-soccer team dream a reality, dae.”

* * *

baekhyun trips and falls onto the grass patch as he again doesn't see one of the many kids running aimlessly at the gardens.

“really, baby?” baekhyun pouts at his husband as jongdae helps him up.

“it’s a wonder you keep tripping on them even when you’re the same height,” chanyeol snarks as he suddenly scoops up one of his own children in his arms.

“daddy! let me down!”

“no, can do, champ. now tell me, dan, did appa tell you to follow him and clean yourself up a little or did he not?”

“i still wanna play, daddy!”

“we know that, but you do realise you’re very dirty. go to appa now and get yourself clean please.” daniel nods, before he runs into the house to see kyungsoo.

“he just follows after you, yeol.” chanyeol only shrugs, “at least mina follows after kyungsoo. we need balance in the house, you know? oh wait, you don’t. you do have 6 mini-baekhyuns and one big baekhyun under one rood after all.”

“hey! yerin is becoming more like jongdae, okay? i’m not that bad.”

“you’re only halfway through your soccer team, i cannot imagine having another 6 b-”

“nope,” jongdae sighs, “no more for us. baekhyun has achieved all of his dreams thus far, but i’m sorry, this one wouldn’t be able to come true.”

“well, i’m inclined to agree,” baekhyun nods his head, “but hey, we made it through halfway there so i’m more than happy and satisfied.”

after yerin, came two twin boys - yugyeom and yeonwoo -, another girl - chaelin, and another pair of twins, a boy and a girl this time - haewon and haejin. they all followed baekhyun’s energy, much to jongdae’s exhaustion, but he loves them all too much and wouldn’t want anything else in the world. both now in their forties, jongdae decided that 6 was more than enough, and baekhyun didn’t fight him on it because 6 kids are just right.

jongdae and chanyeol had expanded the company; they thrived so well with all the excellent reviews and superb portfolio that they now have a dedicated team of 10 people in exoplanet photography. minseok decided to leave once the team was secured, and eventually moved to beijing with luhan to start their own family. chanyeol and kyungsoo adopted two children, both from japan, and have now settled down in the countryside. kyungsoo isn’t baekhyun’s manager anymore, opting to start his own strawberry and tomato farm. exoplanet’s headquarters is midway from jongdae and chanyeol’s houses, so it’s easier for the both of them to travel. it wasn’t like chanyeol and kyungsoo moved too far anyway.

as for baekhyun, he retired from superm just two years ago; only wanting to release songs or albums when he wanted to. he personally loved prive like his 7th (technically his first) child, and decided to fully focus on the company. prive was now on-par with brand names like ysl or dior, and every collection would sell out within minutes of its release. like exoplanet, prive had also expanded to make more affordable fashion, skincare and makeup lines under the brand ‘humble’ and it genuinely caters to making good quality products at affordable prices for everyone.

‘_lovingbyun_’ has also retired; the exact day baekhyun announced his retirement. jongdae put up most of his photos online, except the ones he wants to selfishly keep to himself, for everyone to use freely. yes, all 20 years of baekhyun and his glory. he’s happy with how lovingbyun started and ended, and is always thankful for the experience and the two amazing friends he made. oh did he mention that nayeon is part of the dedicated team at exoplanet? he couldn’t think of anyone else when hiring new people, knowing how talented and skillful nayeon is. she still takes photos of jongin as and when, but now she takes pictures of soojung or krystal, just as much. she’s the lead photographer, a title below the founders, but she’s happy where she’s at. as for bambam, he suddenly got scouted to be a model one summer day, and is now working alongside ten himself. (rumour has it that they’re dating, but who knows, really?)

as baekhyun looks around and sees all his children playing around happily, his husband following suit to add to the excitement, he’s smiling so widely, people around him fear he’s going to tear his mouth apart. he has lived his life well so far; made a name for himself, is satisfied with what he’s achieved thus far and where his life has progressed to. most importantly, he’s married to the love of his life and has 6 very beautiful and amazing children with him. really, baekhyun possibly couldn’t ask for anything else than this. this is more than perfect for him; no more putting pressure on himself to be the best, because he only needs to be the best for his family, and even when he’s not, it doesn’t matter. jongdae and their kids make him the luckiest man alive, and that’s the best feeling in the world, he _ thinks _.

“ya! ** _what’s wrong with byun baekhyun?_ **” he hears jongin shout from the side with his heavily pregnant fiance - soojung. “i thought you guys hired some creepy, smiley clown or something.”

“nothing’s wrong with him!” jongdae defends his husband, but shrugs a second after, “well i can name a few things, but i love them all anyway.” he kisses his husband’s left cheek and says, “happy anniversary, baby.”

he looks back at jongdae with so much love, “happy anniversary to you too.” 

** _so, what’s wrong with byun baekhyun? _ **

well, he hopes there’s nothing wrong about feeling like the luckiest man in the world; and he _ knows _this for a fact when all his children come running to him and the 8 of them are engulfed in one gigantic hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone.  
It's been a year since I first started this story. Many, many things have happened & changed since then.  
As you guys know, our dear Jongdae will be enlisting. I was relieved at first, but now I can say I'm truly heartbroken & devastated that he couldn't do what he wanted to do before he left.  
Even then, I will always pray for the best and wish for his safety, and I sincerely hope we would return to each other, as he said, with a better body and mind in 2022.
> 
> Okay, now with my longest baby ever. I started writing this as I had truly adore Baekhyun and Chen's relationship. I almost stopped writing this in January, but I was encouraged to continue.  
I've actually written for GOT7 long before this, and it's definitely a different experience. This is the longest work of fiction I've written by far, and I didn't even realise until now lol.  
I've always wanted to write a fansite x idol relationship, and I'm glad I finally did! While I truthfully lost motivation towards the end, your continuous support/comments for this work pulled me along. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading this till the end!  
I have personally participated in multiple fic fests until the next year, and while I'm currently down from all the news thus far, I will continue to write and finish what I started.  
I hope I've said what I wanted to say thus far. Again, thank you for supporting CHEN and Baekhyun, as well as 'what's wrong with byun baekhyun?'. I look forward to seeing you guys very soon! Have a great week ahead, before D-Day.
> 
> Love, sunnysidechen.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos, comments or [ccs](https://curiouscat.me/sunnysidechen) are welcome <3 you can follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sunnysidechen) too! <3


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